To Break An Angel I
by LittleBloodyJ
Summary: He was in Hell for a century- but for Dean it was a month. Cas finally broke and Dean has no idea how to put him back together. Will Castiel ever be whole again or is he ruined beyond repair? Hurt!Cas and Desperate!Dean
1. To Break Without a Sound

**Warnings: **Torture, Swearing, Slash and sudgestive themes. :)**  
A/N: H**ey! This is my first Supernatural fic and I hope it's okay. This is the first chapter so it's a little slow- the action will come later on. I hope everyone enjoys this story!

* * *

His tormentor had a different face as he played with the sharp knife. The face may once have been a kind looking face but to him the face was a walking nightmare. The eyes were cruel as they danced and lingered for too long and his smile was twisted like a cat that was tormenting a small mouse. A mouse with no escape, it's only hope that soon it would just stop feeling the pain. The humiliation. A mouse clinging to its last shred of dignity. He had done noting wrong to deserve such a fate yet he tried hard to keep his head up and his lips shut. Silence seemed to be his final defiance to man before him.

Alastair knew nothing of mercy (he was a demon after all) but even he gave his victim credit. It had been a hundred years and not a single word had left his pretty little lips. One hundred years of torture later and the man still looked at him with a little bit of challenge. That was a good thing- Dean Winchester had been fun to break, as was his father before him but this man? This man was more of a challenge and Alastair had always loved challenges. There was nothing that had not been done over the years and the nearest thing to a breakdown they had yet was the man shutting his eyes. Alastair wanted more- he wanted to _break_ the man who weakly stood chained before him, his eyes slightly gazed and his face almost blank of emotion. Almost yet not quite. The single, clear emotion Alastair could read as he spun the dagger in his hand was **fear**. That day was the day he was going to get a reaction- he would not stop until he got a reaction and as both men watched each other it was clear that they both knew that. They both knew how that day would be the day the victim gave up- trust me as I say, the man chained, drowning in his own sweet blood did nothing to deserve anything half as bad. He was there because he gave himself for someone he loved. Someone he loved when he still had a name and the person who held his heart was more than just a faded memory- the victim had few memories he allowed himself to think about.

Alastair scratched the other man's face, lightly as if to tease before moving even closer, his bitter breath running down the other's neck and around his ear. He wouldn't stop. He would never stop until this man was broken- the deal was a hundred years for him, but that day could last forever. If Alastair wanted the other man would never leave, that much was clear. So as Alastair moved so close his lips were millimetres for the other's ear, he had no worry about not succeeding. There was no time limit; he had forever and the perfect weapons. Alastair knew the other man would not beg or scream yet he was going to break in his own special way. Everyone broke soon or later.  
"They haven't come yet," Alastair allowed his tone to be gentle, "They've left you." Both men had heard those very words a thousand times before but that day they truly feet **real**, nobody could call them lies. Alastair placed his free hand on the other man's chin and pulled so he faced him, "Can you really still have hope?" How could he have hope? He didn't even have hatred for the other man (demon or whatever the correct term is). He just wanted to sleep. It's funny but true- after so long of torture all he wanted was to sleep. Alastair has never seen someone not scream for so long- not once.  
"It's a shame how you're working for the wrong side," He noted in a bored tone, never letting go of the other's face. "You could be an amazing demon. Really." There was no such thing as personal space as the demon keept on looking into the man's wide eyes. The life that used to buzz in them seemed long gone and Alastair knew that he was nearly there. Soon he would have succeeded. "Just let go of whatever crap you're still clinging to and join us." No reaction. Alastair decided to chance tactic as he moved as close as possible, "They're not going to save you little boy." Because that's what the other man was- he was nothing more than a child when you looked deep into his once honey coloured soul. He was a lost child with nowhere to run to.

The man's arms and legs were chained spread out like Jesus on the cross- he guessed that was a cruel joke from the demon's behalf. When he first arrived he had sworn not to utter a sound- it was the only way he could protect everyone's interests. With everyone he meant Sam and Dean if course, he always came last. He had traded himself to give them free passes from hell when they did eventually die. He had never expected Lucifer to agree but when Lucifer said yes his heart had frozen. He had saved the brothers from what might have happened after their deaths but that didn't mean that he wasn't scared. He had _liked_ being with them, he almost considered them friends. He didn't because someone once told him that to be friends the other person has to also consider you a friend. One sided friendships never worked. He was not used to having friends- so it didn't really matter to him that they didn't feel the same way. After all, he struggled to name every emotion. He had learnt clearly what agony and pain were, another clear one had also been humiliation. He had learnt he hated the smell of burnt flesh and the feeling of anything but his own clothes touching his skin. He had learnt from Hell that he was alone. His last strand of hope was a fragile as a new baby's life.

Alastair wasn't the only demon to torture him. Many came and went – Lucifer went once every twenty years, but the tortured soul had lost track of time in the cage made of bone and blood. Not even the Devil could make him open his lips as he played clever mind games. He had seen Dean kill him several time; Sam kill the world after saying yes and he had even seen Gabriel laugh at him as he refused to scream. They all hurt as he watched those he cared about turn away- some angels had visited him, but nobody lifted a finger to help him. Not a single time did any of the angels even consider helping him. Alastair was sure that if he had a heart it would break a little for the man in the chains. He was strong yet at the same time he was weak. He had given himself for people that hadn't even looked for him. His family had abandoned him (well, all but two members. But he didn't know that) and his friends had abandoned him.  
"Just give up little boy," Alastair urged him; he knew pain wasn't going to break him. Both his strength and his weakness lay in his _emotions_. "Just let go and allow yourself to end this." The deal had been that if he didn't break for ninety years Sam and Dean were free- the other ten years were not counted for. It was the final day to break him. "End the pain." The idea was alluring, pulling at him with long fingers. He didn't know if it was time or if it was halfway. Maybe it was the start and maybe it was the end. He had given up on his silent prayers a long time earlier. Nobody seemed to be listening.

As Alastair circled around him all he did was watch. The demon had once been something he despised; after all he had hurt Dean. But now? The demon was simply another shape he tried not to register.  
"Come on little boy." He was not a little boy! "Just face it, nobody is coming." They were... they had to be... surely they had realised that he was gone. "Are they _really_ worth this?" Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe. He didn't know anymore, his name was long since spoken and heart long since whole. They **had** to be coming. He always saved them, why would they just let him rot? God he whished he knew how long he had been there. "Angel boy, Daddy isn't listening." Well, he knew that much. Nobody was listening because nobody cared. Alastair placed his fingers into the angel's hair as he gently (pain didn't help so he was trying a new technique) and whispered once again into his ear. "They've left you. They left you here with me."

The Angel tried to decide what he would rather- them not looking for him because they didn't care or that they simply had not noticed that he was gone. Surely if they didn't notice that mean that they did not care so either way that was clear. Oh! That was another feeling Hell had taught him the name of- heartbreak. He hated that feeling more than any of the others because the others could be ignored after getting used to them. Heartbreak wasn't as easy to ignore. After ten years in Hell he had worked out that he _loved_ the Winchester brothers- one like he loved like some of his true family. And the other brother? He was not sure what type of love he fitted in.  
"Castiel." Alastair stated his name coldly, and the Angel almost jumped. He hadn't heard his name in what felt like years, only belittling nicknames were said to him by all of the demons. "Cas." The use of his nickname made him want to scream. Alastair couldn't call him that! He shouldn't... It was Dean's name for him... Alastair couldn't take that from him as well! "Let go Cas. Whatever lies you're still holding on to let go." Another silent scream was trapped behind his lips as pain burnt away in him. "They're the reason you're here."

Rebelling had been one of his first mistakes, maybe if he hadn't he wouldn't be in such pain. Anna had once told him emotions were worth it and he'd believed her- or at least, part of him did. He wanted nothing more than to let go and sleep. It seemed clear that nobody was going to save him and he longed for the sweet darkness where he was finally alone without the pain. How long did he have left?  
"Cas, Cas, Cas," Alastair clicked his tongue, "Are they worth this much?" He let out a laugh, "Surely not! If they were they would have _tried_ to save you by now!" Again Alastair walked around him, "Have they tried to save you little Angel boy?" No. They had not. "Has the wonderful God turned me to ash for hurting his youngest son?" No. He had not. "Has your favourite big brother run in and saved you?" Gabriel had not even visited. "Have the other Angels that have seen you tried to help you?" No. They had not. "Tell me little Cas, has Sam looked for you?" Maybe. Cas did not know. "Oh dear little fallen angel..." He wasn't fallen! Was he? "Has the Oh so wonderful Dean come and saved you from big bad me?" No. Dean had not saved him. "Is he coming to save you?" No. Dean was not coming to save him.

Castiel did not look at the demon as everything spun in his head. He could not hold on to the lies he had been telling himself. Maybe Alastair was correct and he really was alone. Cas did not know but what he did know was that he just wanted it to be over. The other angels had left him. God had left him. His big brother had not even come to see him (seeing him would have given even a little comfort to Cas). Sam had not looked for him. Dean had left him. Dean had left him. Dean. Had. Left. Him. Dean was not coming. _He was alone._

Alastair grinned insanely as he saw the single, lone tear run down the side of the angel's face. He had broken him. On the final day of torment, the angel Castiel had broken. Not with a shout, not with a scream, not with a look or a word. The Angel Castiel had broken with a single tear on the hundredth year in hell.

* * *

So? Please review! I'm begging you... Just a few nice words make this evil teenager's day! Please don't flame me- :( I give hugs to everyone that reviews. Chapter two will be focused on Dean finding out from Gabriel that Cas is in a bad situation. :)

**Love,**  
**J.**


	2. Revelations

**A/N: H**ey! Thank you for the amazing reviews- from now on each chapter will cost four reviews :) *hugs to everyone* This chapter is still in work-up mode. I hope I didn't over do anything.  
Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Castiel had been gone nearly a month and both Winchester brothers were getting increasingly worried. He had not answered his phone, the mechanical voice of the voicemail the only answer to both Sam and Dean's calls. At first they had called to ask him with help with demons but as the days passed they called just to see if he was okay- surely he was. Who on Earth could hurt an Angel? Even if demons wanted to hurt him Castiel would be able to fight them, he rarely allowed a demon so close that they could hurt him. His constant lectures to the two brothers seemed never ending, always reminding them to be careful and not to trust the demons not to hurt them.

The day they had last seen him had been a difficult day (it had been a Thursday) and Dean had taken it out on Castiel, snapping at him for no real reason. They had about ten possible locations for high level demons, four location for the Cult and about two locations for Lucifer. Add fourteen possible demon attacks and that was what they had to deal with that day. Dean really hadn't meant to be nasty but the angel was simply so aggravating as he stood there, watching him with the expression that Dean guessed was curiosity. It was an incredibly adorable little expression as the Angel's big blue eyes followed Dean across the room- on any other day Dean would have made a joke but instead he glared at Castiel and told him to stop watching him like a vulture. He liked the angel, he really did, but he had the gut feeling something bad was going to happen and he knew it had something to do with Castiel. So instead of keeping the angel where he could see him he quickly wrote two addresses on a small piece of yellow paper and asked him to check them out. Taking the piece of paper from Dean's hand Castiel's fingers gently touched Dean's for a quarter of a second before moving away with the paper his own hand. He did not apologise for the contact but he probably did not notice the effect it had on Dean. Castiel appeared not to notice many little things that would be obvious to a human. Dean kept having to remind himself that Castiel was indeed not human. Castiel was many things to Dean but he wasn't a human- he just about had the basic emotions but nothing half as complicated as what humans had. So when Cas left and told him to be careful Dean did not say it back to the angel. Instead he nodded.  
_"I know."_

Nearly a month later Dean was a mess, trying desperately to find the angel- after checking the two addresses all they found was Cas' coat and what remained of a ring of fire that had been used to trap somebody or something. His phone had been found shattered on the last step down to the basement that smelt of smoke and sulphur. There was no other sign of Cas- the only evidence of a fight was shattered wooden table that had been broken when someone had 'fallen' onto it. Dean guessed that something threw Castiel across the room and he landed on the table- Sam simply stated that it would be hard for a demon to catch Castiel off guard. Neither could think of any way of finding him- it wasn't like he got along with the other angels after he rebelled. After he rebelled for _them_. He had lost his family for them and they had never really said thank you. God, Dean was still nasty to him on occasions- after everything he still did not let Cas in.  
"Do you think he's dead?" Dean had not expected Sam to ask that as they drove to their next job, the silence being broken by his baby brother's sad voice. Neither of them wanted music- it felt... inappropriate somehow. Like it was not right to listen to music.  
"I don't know Sammy," Dean whispered, "I really wish I could say he's okay but I really don't know. I think he's alive- maybe those sons of bitches up there gave him another chance and he had to go with them." He really hoped that was the case but he didn't believe it. To be honest, neither did Sam.  
"He would have let us know." Sam looked out of the window at the heavy rain, "Even if they told him not to he would have found a way- it _is_ Cas we're talking about."  
"I know Sammy!" Dean snapped, "I'm worried too but it's not like we have an Angel tracker! Most of the other angels want him dead so we can't turn to them because if they found him they would kill him. We don't... we have nothing we can do!" He stopped himself as he let out a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm worried too."  
"I know." Silence descended back onto the brothers and the sound of rain hitting the metal of the car filled their ears as midst surrounded the car like a gentle veil.

It was going to be a month since they last saw Castiel two days later – that was the day an angel appeared in the two brother's motel room. The only problem was that it was the _wrong angel_.  
"Gabriel." Dean had hoped for half a second it was Castiel who had returned but when he saw who it really was his sudden buzz died just as fast as it had arrived. Gabriel was looking a mess, his hair was dirty and his clothes messy. "What happened to you?" He **really** didn't care but the angel looked furious and he had a feeling that he should ask. Maybe Gabriel knew where Castiel was.  
"Where is my brother?" Gabriel's tone was laced with panic as he looked around the room. He had quickly avoided Dean's question with one of his own as he ran his fingers through his greasy hair. He looked like he's been shoved underwater, left to nearly dry before rolling in dirt whilst being punched a few times.  
"You answer my question first." Dean kept his tone cold as inside he panicked over what to tell Gabriel. '_Sorry, haven't seen Cas in nearly a month. I hoped you knew but never mind! Care for a drink?_' Like that conversation would go well.  
"Demons," Gabriel didn't give any details, instead he kept it brief. "Where is my brother?"  
"Which one?" Dean really hoped it wasn't Castiel that Gabriel was asking for- they may not have been close but he knew that Gabriel still cared a little deep down.  
"Cas. Castiel- you know him. He got in trouble with the other angel to protect you and your brother..." He was interrupted by a knock on the door. "That brother!" His tone was cold as he opened the door and let a man identical to Castiel in, "I found his vessel but not him!" Gabriel pointed at Jimmy who swallowed and moved a bit further away from Gabriel.  
"I tried to tell him you wouldn't know-" Jimmy whispered to Dean, "He's not really listening."  
Dean would have answered if he could get his voice back.

If Castiel had left his vessel where had he gone? Dean was liking the situation less and less a he looked at Jimmy.  
"So? Do you know where Cas is?" Gabriel looked like he was ready to plead for an answer- Dean had never seen him look so desperate. If Gabriel did not know it had to be bad.  
"I haven't seen Cas in nearly a month- He just went to check on two addresses for me and he never came back." Dean swallowed as he saw the hope in Gabriel's eyes slowly die. "His phone was shattered and there were markings from a fire ring on the ground."  
"A month?" Gabriel asked as he closed his hands into fists. He looked like what Dean guessed he'd look like if he was told Sam had disappeared. "Jimmy tell him what you told me." It was a short order but Jimmy quickly did what he was told.  
"I don't remember much- He was really angry and then he just... the anger was mixed with fear- whoever the guy was scared Castiel. I mean, _really _scared. Next thing we know we're flying through the air and land on some table- which is when he had to slip out of the jacked because he couldn't move properly in it-" Jimmy bit his lip in such a human moment that it hurt Dean. It was _like_ looking at Cas only it wasn't Cas. "Then someone attacked him from behind and shoved him to the centre of the room before lighting the fire around him."  
Both Dean and Gabriel looked at each other before Gabriel nodded, "Go on Jimmy. Tell him the rest."  
Jimmy took a deep breath, "The taller guy, I think Castiel called him Lucifer, asked Castiel to join him. Cas said no- swore in his own way at him. That was when Lucifer started talking. He even said that if you stopped him Castiel would become public enemy number one. Castiel was trying to think of a way to get out of the centre of the flames but he was panicking." Jimmy was talking faster and faster, "Next thing I know its lights out for me till I can feel Castiel's agony as he was pulled out from me." Jimmy looked up from the floor, "Some demons tied me up and left me in a boot till Gabriel got me out."

Dean was frozen, he really felt physically sick. Demons had taken Cas. Demons had _dragged_ Cas out of his vessel. They had caused his Cas pain. Demons had taken Cas just under a _month_ earlier. Cas had been with demons for so long... They could have done so much to him in that amount have time- so many things that Dean could just about imagine. But the one thing that made him feel the vomit rising in the back of his throat, there was one main reason he wanted to be sick was that it was _his _fault. He'd sent Cas there alone, looking for the Devil. He had sent Cas to what might have been his...  
"How do we know he's alive?" It was a whisper, yet everyone in the room heard it, "Oh God... I sent him there alone." Dean couldn't keep it in as he ran to the bathroom, only to throw up. He was to blame for whatever might have happened to his friend. He might have sent his angel, his friend... his Cas to his death. Cas had given Dean **everything**; he'd even lost his family to protect Dean and what had Dean given Cas in return? Dean's gift, in the end was bittersweet. Dean had given him a month in the hands of _**the bloody Devil**_ to be done with what the Devil whished. His innocent Cas who had never done anything that was not completely pure, if not in action in meaning, his Cas who had never done anything but trying to help. Dean might have sent one of the best people he had never met to either death or torture. Maybe both.

So as Dean Winchester kneeled before the white toilet and emptied his guts a single tear ran down his face. The tear rolled down his face and to the tip of his nose before dripping down. He hadn't cried in a very long time yet that tear had refused not to fall. He didn't know what to do- what would he do? What _could _he do? He had never felt so lost- when Sam had died Dean had known (deep down) that there was something that he could do. But at that moment? _If_ Cas was dead he didn't know what he would do. If Cas was not dead then he would not be in a good state- Dean knew the demons had hated him. But an angel? If Cas was alive he would be in an awful state.

As that final thought wormed itself into Dean's head he vomited once again. He silently cried out, _For God's sake Cas! Please hold on a little longer._ _Please... I'm coming to get you._

* * *

I hope this is okay. :) The reason why Dean reacted so strongly is mainly because he lived through Hell so thinking of someone he cares about (maybe loves?) in Hell? That would be a torment in itself. Next chapter will be when they get Castiel back.  
Please review!

**Love,  
J.**


	3. When the month is over

**A/N: H**ey! Wow those reviews came quick....thank you SO much! The next chapter might take a little bit longer, it's nearly my 14th birthday and I'm really distracted. :P Yep, I'm thirteen and writing this. What would my mother say?  
Haha, on with the story. I hope it doesn't dissapoint....

* * *

It had been a month since Castiel had been taken from his vessel. It had been a month since Gabriel could sense where Castiel was and how he was. It had been a month since Jimmy had felt the pure agony running through Cas and it had been a month since Dean had handed him the small piece of yellow paper. It had been a month since Castiel had last taken a breath as he stood on the earth. Most of all, it had been a single month since Castiel had cried out a single name as he was torn out of his vessels by the long, sharp claws and dragged to the very centre of hell. It had been a month since Castiel has screamed his last word- 'Dean'.

Gabriel had been looking for a week- since he had found Jimmy beaten and locked in the boot of a car babbling about Castiel. It didn't register till later that Castiel had been trying to contact him just before he had gone missing. Why hadn't he started looking earlier? He didn't know- but when he saw that Dean was in an even worse emotional state than he was Gabriel could not help but smirk. Last time he had seen Castiel and Dean it was clear that they were closer than expected – Castiel kept putting himself in danger to protect Dean. Of all the angels to rebel Gabriel would have never thought of Castiel- but it was Castiel. And Castiel had done it for Dean. As his smirk faded, a sad thought crossed Gabriel's mind. Dean really was going to be the death of Castiel; that much was clear. Either that or he was going to break his little brother's heart. Dean cared about Castiel but one day near he was going to get bored. From the little Gabriel had seen that much was obvious. Dean wasn't the type to keep others around for long apart from family and loving had always been a big no go area in his life. Why would he change that for one angel? Gabriel hoped he would be proven wrong but he did not believe that it would happen.

Dean had no idea what to do. It had been a month since Castiel had told him to be careful. To be safe. Why hadn't Dean given him two different addresses? He had sent Castiel to the Devil knowing that when he fell nobody would be able to catch him. Every night, when Dean's eyes became far too heavy to keep open any longer he'd see hell. Unlike his old nightmares it was not him being tortured- in the new nightmares it was Castiel who was strung up high, not screaming yet in agony. Every single night since Castiel had gone with the piece of paper Dean saw Castiel being tortured by a man with cat-like eyes. Every night Dean would see the Angel Castiel refuse to scream as he was tortured with no mercy and he saw the light fade from the angel's blue eyes. Dean linked it to guilt; there was probably no reality in it so there was no reason to tell Sam about it. He told himself that so many times that he started to believe it- how could he tell Sam that he had seen Castiel being tortured? That he had _felt _Castiel's agony as the demon's hard lips were pressed on his own, only to move when blood was dripping down from his soft lips? How could he tell Sam that he had dreamt that one of the many demons torturing Cas was Alistair? They were simply nightmares caused by lack of sleep, guilt and worry. There was absolutely no reason to tell anyone about the look in Castiel's eyes as one of the demons moved closer to him with a haunting smile on their lips. If there was _any_ truth in what Dean saw then he had an easy time in hell- because what he saw happening to Cas? Dean would have broken in half the time he had if that had happened to him. So Dean told himself it was not true. He almost started to believe it.

"So we have no way of knowing where Cas is?" Sam asked for the hundredth time as he sat in the backseat of the Impala. They were driving towards another job- Dean and Jimmy sat at the front and Gabriel sat in the back with Sam. Yet it still felt empty to Dean- like there was a piece missing. The very centre of the puzzle was gone.  
"Nope," Gabriel said plainly, popping his 'P' for an added effect. "Not until Jimmy boy can sense him."  
"Not to be offensive or anything but why can't you sense him? You are an angel after all," Sam watched Gabriel curiously (like Castiel used to watch Dean) and Gabriel gave Sam his best smile.  
"Because, dear Sam," Dean wanted to hit his head on the glass window as the chemistry going around in the back hit him. Gabriel continued as if he didn't notice the look Dean sent him. "He is being shielded by someone or something so I can't feel him around the shield. Jimmy has been Castiel's vessel for rather a long time so they are linked like Castiel is linked to Dean."  
Dean suddenly felt his attention being caught- he didn't know that. "How am I linked to Castiel?"  
The laugh Gabriel let out was short yet honest, "Because he pulled you out of hell Dean. He gripped you tight and pulled you back to life." There was an importance to Gabriel's words that made Dean pause. A link between Jimmy and Castiel. A link between him and Castiel. A link. Why did it suddenly seem so important?  
"What sort of link?" Dean couldn't stop the question seeping out as he glanced in the small mirror to see Gabriel sending his brother a final smirk.  
"Like... if one of you were to be in pain the other would know. It could come to them in daydreams, thoughts, a feeling in your stomach before it happens and even dreams." Gabriel was suddenly sitting up, "Why?"  
Dean did not get the chance to answer as a loud, piercing sound filled the air causing the Impala to swirl off the road, smashing into a nearby tree. Then there was silence.

Burning. He felt like he was burning. As Dean lay still he realised that it was not him burning, he was feeling Cas' feelings through their link. Castiel was burning. Castiel was burning all over and there was nothing he could do. Castiel was being burnt alive.  
"Dean – are you okay?" It was a male voice. Sam's strong voice as he felt himself being moved, "Dean you need to wake up."  
"Dean, it's nearly time." The other voice was C... The voice was Jimmy's. There was too much emotion to be Castiel.  
"Dean open your eyes." Dean did what he was told and looked up at Gabriel who looked amused, "We have good and bad news."  
"What?" Dean swallowed- it couldn't be that bad. Gabriel looked far too amused.  
"The bad is that the Impala didn't make it-" Dean let out a breath as he smirked (the car was suddenly the least of his worries at that moment), "The good is Castiel is coming back any second." That was the best news Dean had ever heard.  
"How do you know?" Dean sat up, trying not to look at his very dead car. The flames that were eating it didn't look merciful- very much like the flames that had been eating Cas like hungry animals. If that was real it meant his dreams were real... all those things he had seen might have been real. Castiel had really been through all of it- Dean felt like being sick again.  
"That sound was a warning Angels send other angels when they cannot communicated. It tells the other angels to get all human to cover their eyes." Gabriel looked like was worried, he was meant to look happy. Why was he looking worried?  
Dean did not get a chance to ask. "Why are you worried then?" Sam gave Gabriel a very Sam look that made everyone feel as if he was looking deep into their soul. Dean hated that look.  
"Because of why he cannot communicate." Jimmy finally spoke as he rolled his head around, "It is time."  
"Cover your eyes." Gabriel stated quickly and the two brothers did as they were told. That was when the glowing gold filled the air. The next thing they knew there was the sound of someone hitting the ground and someone running.

Castiel fell to his knees without a sound; he had used up the very last of his energy to return to his vessel. He could barely move his heavy limbs as he fell down, only to be caught by Gabriel. It hurt. Everything hurt (his wings were damaged. He was sure of it). He was back but he could bring himself to think about it- the first half of the deal was over but the other half was still to come. But he had done it- he had done it in silence. That was something to be pleased with once he managed to calm all his feelings and place everything together. He had to calm down; they couldn't see how his heart was trying to break his ribs like a trapped bird trying to get out of a cage.  
"Castiel?" Gabriel tried to help him up but he quickly (or as quickly as he could move his rock limbs) moved out of reach. He didn't want people touching him- he wanted to be left alone. When was the last time he was actually alone? "Castiel, it's me, look at me." Gabriel was also kneeling as he tried to get his brother to look at him.  
"Cas?" Dean sounded so _happy_ as he moved near to Castiel but as Castiel struggled to his feet Dean felt the joy die and worry grow back, spreading like a poison. "Cas, it's me Dean." The Angel did not look at him as he balanced against a tree, his pale fingers clinging to anything that would help him to stand. He could not appear weak before these men, he would **not** look weak. He had to be strong. Well, first he had to stand up and then he'd worry about looking his usual self.  
"He's confused." Gabriel stated as he slowly got up and approached Castiel, "Castiel- do you know who we are?" Castiel wanted to laugh but he settled with a nod. "We won't hurt you." At that he just wanted to roll his eyes but he feared the effort would cause him to fall onto the ground again. Gabriel moved to touch Castiel's arm but found Castiel moved away with every movement Gabriel made to get closer.  
Sam who had been still the whole time finally spoke, "Maybe he needs room." When the other two men turned to look at him he held his hands up, "I don't think they have much room in hell. Do they?" Dean flinched as he moved away with his eyes never leaving Castiel who was finally standing.  
"Is that better?" Gabriel was next to Dean when he asked and Castiel finally looked slightly steadier as he gave a small nod. He was still avoiding looking anyone in their eyes but he wasn't relying on the tree to keep him up. Dean was sure his heart was never going to fix. "Good."  
"Hey Cas," Dean smiled lightly ignoring the urge to cry, what could he say? Yes he had also been to hell but he had time to deal before finding Sam. For Castiel everything had been very much harder. Nobody knew what they could say as Castiel finally looked up from the ground.

His eyes were faded like they had been in Dean's dream. There seemed to be no like left in them as he scanned them quickly, he looked like a confused child. No, he didn't look like a child- Dean had never seen a child with such a blank expression or eyes like that. They looked like the eyes of a dead body; God Dean hoped it wasn't true that eyes were the window to the soul. If they were then Castiel was in a worst state than he could ever have imagined. Why wasn't he talking? Was it like a shell shocked effect from leaving hell or was it just he could not speak. As Dean looked at Gabriel it was clear he was thinking the same.  
"Cas-" Dean swallowed, unsure what to say next. He could not ask if he was okay. He could not hug him because even the little sneak previews he had seen he knew Castiel would not want to be touched. He didn't get a chance to say another word as the sound of wings filled the air and Cas was gone.  
"Damn it!" Gabriel growled, "What the hell did those sons of bitches do to him?"  
"A fair bit." Dean whispered as he stared at where Castiel had been standing.

* * *

Sorry about the ending- I'm saving all Cas' emotions for next chapter! Four reviews for more.... *hugs*

**Love,**  
**J.**


	4. The Silence

**A/N: H**ey! Sorry about the delay- I had to stay at my nan's home as my mom went off with her boyfriend. I got ahead with writing tho'. :) THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! I love all of you!  
On with the story... Anyone want some Hurt!Cas? Longer than usual chapter because of the delay!

* * *

"_That's what Hell is. Forgetting who you are...  
Every Hell-bound soul, everyone turns into _**something else**_."  
Ruby- Season 3, Episode 9._

Castiel fell to the ground with a silent sob. He couldn't do it, he couldn't cope, it was all too much. Humans were the ones who were meant to feel not angels. He wasn't good with dealing with all the feelings that kept taking over him- he had been an awful angel so his family had abandoned him. They had seen him being tortured and they hadn't lifted a finger to help him. They had left him there. His deal had been fair to everyone but himself. It saved both Sam and Dean. Well he had saved Sam so far. That was the deal. One hundred years for _each brother_. He had no idea how he was going to survive another hundred years. He was breaking, falling apart and he didn't have long before he had to do it all over again. He **couldn't** do it.

He had saved one brother. That was good but he was already broken- if he did it another time he wouldn't be able to survive with his sanity if he survived at all. What was he going to do? He sure as h... He sure as _anything_ wasn't going to let either of the boys go to Hell. But was he ready to let himself be destroyed? Of course he was. It was Dean. He had seen Dean's birth and he wasn't going to let Dean return to Hell even again. No- he would burn a million times before he let Dean go through all of it again. Castiel knew that much as he sat on the cold earth, his body resting on a tree and the rain falling down onto him like buckets of tears. He didn't care about being wet; Castiel didn't really care about anything as the tears rolled down his face like small diamonds. He didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to sleep but he didn't want to close his eyes. He was scared of what he would see if he did close his eyes. It scared him that the moment he shut his eyes he would have to live it all over again. It scared him how he had no control over his emotions. It scared him that God wasn't there. He was alone but he had to stay strong for Gabriel, Sam and... He had to be strong for Dean. He was not going to allow himself to appear weak. He had lost everything already.

His eyelids had never felt so heavy before. He couldn't stay awake. The agony was just a dull feeling as he allowed his head to fall to the side. After so long with metal chains keeping him up he was struggling with having control of his limbs back. They did not feel as if they were his- nothing did. The demons would be after Dean very soon. Sam's soul was safe but Dean's soul was not yet claimed. Castiel had to make sure that it was not the demons that claimed it. He would never forgive himself if he allowed them to take Dean's soul- he had a month left before he could save Dean's soul. A month to guard the two brothers from anything that could make his sacrifice insignificant. All he had was one pathetic month before he went back to hell to finish off the deal he had made. His whole existence he had begged for God to save the humans that he saw go. He had begged God to save his _family_ that had fallen. But as he sat in the rain he finally stopped begging that Joshua was lying. He gave up on the idea of God only pertly before but at that moment he gave up completely. He was going to have to do it all alone. Alastair had been correct when he had said that nobody cared. They had not saved him and they were not going to save him. There was no-one who was going to save him once the next month was up and he knew that for Dean's soul the demons were going to drag it out. Make it even longer. Make him suffer till he broke and what remained of him broke even more. He was not going to make it out sane.

If he showed his emotions then he would awake in Hell. If he cried out Dean's name as Dean killed him another time he would have failed. If he failed the real Dean would be condemned to Hell. If it really was all an illusion that the demons had made to break him he would not fall for it. It had to be an illusion. Dean would never have been so happy when Castiel returned. It had to be an illusion because there was no reason for Gabriel to be there waiting for him. Of course it was an illusion and he had to play his part. He really wished it was not an illusion but even if it were not an illusion he would still be somewhat trapped. If it was not an illusion it was somewhat worse. If it was real the countdown had already begun and the fight for Dean's soul was happening again. Yes, if it was real it was worse. If it was real it meant he only had so much time before he had to leave them again. He only had a month to _live_ before he would _die_. How was that fair on anybody?

Alastair had been correct when he had told Castiel that he was weak. Alastair had always been correct. Castiel was far too weak. Of course he was- it was always the weak angels that let themselves feel. It was the weak angels who did not belong to either side- well that was in most cases. Gabriel belonged to neither side but he was not weak. Gabriel had _always_ been stronger than Castiel. Gabriel meant _Hero of God_ according to humans and what did Castiel mean? Nothing. It was just another meaningless name. He was nobody's strength. He was nobody's anything. He had not even been able to keep it together in hell. He had allowed the demons to break him. He had allowed himself to be broken. He was pathetic. Nobody cared about pathetic, weak excuse of an angel. He couldn't even do that properly. He truly was pathetic. Alastair was and always had been right. He had never needed to lie; he had never needed to twist the truth because the truth was enough. Alastair was always right when it came to reading Castiel- because the angel was just too _pure_ and _innocent_ for his own good. It had been like breaking a child. A stubborn child, yes, but certainly a child. It had been easy to use his innocent view on the world around him and turn it into a rope to hang him with. Castiel, the child of heaven was weak and he knew it. But another thing Castiel was- he was a bloody good actor and he was not going to let Sam, Gabriel or Dean see what a mess he was. If they were the real them then he had to be strong. In that month he had to keep them safe because they were all he had. Not that they knew it but he was sacrificing himself for each and every single one of them. He was taking the fall for them.

So, as the Angel Castiel felt the darkness swallow him whole he focused on the cold rain. He focused on the pain in his broken wings. He focused on anything but the little voice in his head who kept chanting that he had a month to set things right. He only had a month to live. He had one useless month to let Gabriel know he did not blame him. He had a month to let Sam know he was not evil and he was **not** going to say yes to Lucifer. Most of all, he had a month to let Dean know how much he meant to Castiel. He had a month to finish off the final chapter before it was time to off the lights. He needed to know what was true and what was not. Because, as the gentle darkness wrapped around him, he did not know what he could believe and what was true. So, he focused on the darkness and the voice that came from deep within it.  
"_One month brother,_" Lucifer's voice danced around in his ears, "_One month and then you will be ours again._"

**~*~ **~*~ **~*~**

The moment Castiel opened his eyes he knew something was wrong. He was on a bed, a blanket placed over him and a pillow under his head. He could clearly hear two men talking, their voices meant to be low yet far too loud.  
"I'm going to kill the sick sons of bitches!" The voice was Dean's. Castiel presumed he was talking about demons- had they hurt Sam? What had they done to make Dean so angry?  
"I know Dean," Gabriel did not sound his usual self as he answered Dean with an equally heavy voice. "I want to kill them too but first we need to work out what happened. I've never seen him like that-" So Sam was hurt. He had failed... He was meant to keep all three of them save but they had hurt Sam. "Dean, I have been a crap brother to him and I regret it. He's my little brother so believe me when I say that I want to rip each and every one of them to shreds..." Why was Gabriel referring to Sam as his brother? "But I do not want to cause more damage him further. He's weak and he needs us..." There was shuffling and Castiel felt his heart pause as he heard the footsteps. What had demons done to Sam?  
"Guys," The voice was Sam's and it sounded fine. So what had they been talking about? "He's awake." Next thing he knew both Gabriel and Dean were in the room looking like they had not slept in many weeks. They couldn't have been talking about him. Right? Yet the moment Dean grinned at him he had a feeling they had been talking about him. How strange... it had sounded as if they cared. Maybe it was a matter of principal. That would make sense. He was on their side and they had to show the demons that they would not be allowed to harm anyone on their side. Yes, that made sense. He still had the feeling he was missing something though.

The silence as the three men watched him made the Angel feel weird- he did not like people watching him. It wasn't nice- it like they expected him to cry or something. He was not going to cry as they saw him. He was stronger than that.  
"Cas..." Dean suddenly looked at a loss of words as he watched the Angel struggle to sit up.  
"I'll give you some time alone-" Sam smiled kindly, "It's good to have you back Cas."  
"I'll be back in a bit." Gabriel nodded before walking out with Sam, standing closer than strictly necessary. The moment they had shut the door behind them Dean let out a small laugh.  
"They look sweet together don't they?" He sat on the end of the bed, leaving Cas his own private room, "In a sickly adorable way." He did not look as if he thought he would get an answer. "We were worried about you. When we found you... you wouldn't wake up. Sam said that I should listen to Gabriel when he said that you would wake up." Another bitter laugh escaped from Dean as he watched the angel, "You scared me there."

Dean had been scared? Why would he be scared? It was not like Castiel was going to tell the demons all their plans and where they were going. Did Dean really think Castiel was that weak?  
"You were gone a month for us-" Dean swallowed as he watched the angel scan his surroundings, looking anywhere but at Dean himself. "Was it longer for you?" Castiel did not give any form of answer as he looked up, daring to look at Dean without making eye contact. If he looked at his eyes he would probably see the eyes of a demon. Mocking his weakness with lies of what he wanted to hear Dean say. It was another trick; he was not going to fall for it. "Cas, it's me, Dean." Lies. They had to be lies- they were honey coated lies left to make him break. Alastair must have allowed another demon to have some fun because this was not his style. He was more of the physical guy when it came to breaking people. "Cas- look at me." The angel did as he was told but still did not look him directly in the eyes. He was not going to do eye contact; that much was clear to Dean. Dean would have sworn he heard his heart breaking in his chest as he took in the sight of his friend in such a state. Seeing him fall to the ground and struggle to stand had been hard. Knowing where he had been for so long hurt. Knowing bits of what happened felt like a knife slashing him up (and he knew what that felt like). Seeing him under the tree in the rain had ripped his heart out. Seeing Cas still in the bed had made him want to cry. The silence? The silence was bloody killing him.

"Cas," Dean wanted to pull the other man into a hug, even if it turned into one of his dreaded 'chick-flick' moments. "Castiel!" He had not meant to snap but as the other man flinched almost invisibly he wanted to slap himself. "Please just look at me. It's me, Dean. Do you recognise me?" Why did the illusion have to feel so real? He did not stand a chance with this illusion. The voice was perfect, they had added the perfect amount of desperation to make Castiel want to look into his eyes. He really wanted to believe it was him but he was so _scared_. Dean could not name it as fear but he knew it was not a good emotion. "Please Cas... Just look at me." Nothing. "Castiel look at me now you son of a bitch!" That got a reaction as Cas' eyes flickered up to him, drowning him in the broken blue glass. In his time in Hell he had seen Dean many times- he had heard his voice. But it was never so _real_. Maybe it was Dean. Maybe he really was home. "Hey Cas." Dean let out a breath as the angel kept eye contact, searching to an answer to his silent question.

~*~

"So," Sam was leaning against the wall, his head tilted in a very Castiel like moment.  
"So." Gabriel nodded as he stood next to Sam, watching the human carefully.  
Sam turned his head towards Gabriel as he let out a sigh, "Do you think they'll be okay?"  
"Who? Cas and Dean?" Gabriel gave a small smile, "Yeah. I mean- after a bit of time. It's not like somebody is going to drag them apart now. Dean is obviously going to protect Cas and Cas has always been ready to die for both you and your brother."  
"So, you think that with time they'll be okay?" Sam suddenly looked like all his hopes relied on the one answer Gabriel was going to give him.  
"Yeah- as long as they have time they'll be okay. Well, that is if your brother and my brother finally realise how they feel. I fear Dean is the only one who can place Castiel back together." Gabriel turned so both he and his body were facing Sam. "Dean has always been my brother's weak spot."  
Sam finally let out a laugh as he turned his body so he was facing Gabriel, "I almost feel unloved." There it was- the teasing voice Gabriel lo... the voice Gabriel _liked_ very much. The voice made everything feel safe.  
"Don't." Gabriel gave Sam a dashing smile, "You have your own Angel."  
Sam laughed again, "Indeed. Everything is going to be fine."  
"Yep."

Sometimes, it is very funny how wrong simple statements can be. Because the countdown for the month had started- and only one of them knew it. In a sense it was ironic because the one person who did know it could not tell anyone. The one person who knew it could, or rather would, not stop it because he wanted to protect others. A single memory the clue of what was to come.

_Lucifer laughed as Castiel looked at the flames that surrounded him. "Why does this all seem so familiar?" Castiel looked up at him defiantly as he tried to cover up the fear that was eating him up. "I want to make a deal."  
"You want to make a deal with me?" Castiel tilted his head in a clear sign of confusion. "I will not join you."  
"Oh I know that, brother." Lucifer grinned again, "I want to make a deal about the Winchester boys and our brother Gabriel." Castiel felt his heart stop. "Interested yet?" Lucifer could not resist teasing his little brother who was clearly trying to work out a way to get away without disappointing the Winchester brothers.  
"What about them?" When had his voice started scratching his throat like that anyway? Castiel really just wanted a glass of water.  
"The brothers first: the little matter of where their souls go." Castiel suddenly looked a deadly pale. "It would be very easy for me to claim them early. I have a way for you to save them."  
Castiel did not even pause to think as his question left his lips, "How?"  
"Guess." Lucifer's smile grew as he saw the angel's widen in what he guessed was shock and (he hoped) fear. His little brother had always been bright as a button. A button he wanted either on his side or broken. Maybe both.  
"You want me to go to hell for them." Such a simple statement made Castiel feel like crying. He had a chance to save the brothers –finally- but he would not be able to save himself.  
"Well that's an A star!" Lucifer nodded, "What about a hundred years..." There was a pause in which Castiel dared to hope that was all. "Each." Lucifer finished his sentence just as Castiel felt the hope grow before falling to its death.  
"You want me to be in Hell for two hundred years." The words had needed to be spoken out loud but when they were they caused more fear than anything else. Two hundred years. One hundred years for each brother. That was such a long time... But it would save each brother from hell.  
"Oh, okay! I'm feeling generous so a break between each century. A month break and then you finish off our deal-" Lucifer watched Castiel carefully, "I'll leave Gabriel alone. I promise not to try and get him onto my side."_

_Castiel felt his nails dig into his hands. It was the perfect deal on all sides apart from him. "What would be the rules?" He had to ask. He had to know for certain what the twist would be- Lucifer always had a twist.  
"Well, metaphorically speaking, there would be three rules. One: You would not tell anyone about the deal. Two: You would not try to find a way out of the deal. Finally, rule three: One your month back you will be allowed to speak once. If you speak twice then you return to hell straight away. Of course, that last one is just for my amusement."  
Castiel had never felt so trapped. He had a chance to save those he cared about. He had a chance to make sure they were safe. "What happens if I break either of the other two rules?"  
"Then, the deal is off."  
Castiel looked at his older brother and suddenly wondered what he had ever done wrong. It was his one chance. He was never going to have the chance again. "Okay." With that one word the Angel Castiel signed his fate. Why? Because he did not want to let the three most important people in his life down. __**That **__was why the angel Castiel was weaker than other angels- because he had always cared far too much._

* * *

So? Was this okay? Please tell me what you thought- as usual four reviews for more! :)

**Love,**  
**J. **


	5. 29 days

**A/N: H**ey! Wow... Thank you SO much for the AMAZING reviews! Really, they mean SO much to me. :D  
I still don't own anything apart from the plot. Be glad I don't own the show- the rating would go WAY up. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Dean drank the large beer in a single gulp. They had gotten Castiel back two days earlier but the moment he had been strong enough to stand had left without a single sound. Dean was worried sick about the angel- the silence that surrounded him had been awful because Dean really did not believe that the angel was fine. He could not be fine- if he had been in Hell for one month for them he must have been in Hell _at least_ ten years. Gabriel said it depended on what area of Hell Castiel had been in, the time frame could have ranged from ten to one hundred years. Surely it could not have been a hundred years. Ten years was bad enough but one hundred years of torture? No. Dean could... Dean would not dare think of what state he would be in if he had stayed in Hell for that long.

Sam and Gabriel had wandered off a fair while earlier. Dean guessed that they needed their own space to deal. He knew he needed his space; his head was still spinning with questions that he wanted to ask Castiel. But the main thing he could not help but focus on how Cas' eyes had looked so empty. He could only focus on how Cas' eyes had looked as he looked back at Dean- as if he did not believe what he was seeing. As if Castiel was half expecting for him to change into a demon. Dean couldn't help but wander what the demons had made Castiel see. He had seen torture- suggestions of what they were going to do as lips pressed down onto Castiel's bleeding lips. There was so much they could have done to Castiel and they had not been rushed with time. What hurt Dean the most was the fact that he had not saved Castiel. He had not saved Castiel so Castiel had to save himself. When Castiel had returned he had been weak, Gabriel had to carry him to the hotel because just 'popping' him there might have hurt him with the sudden change. That was another thing Dean would never forget. Castiel had looked so weak as Gabriel carried him (his angel strength obviously helping) and Gabriel had looked every bit like a worried older brother as he begged his little brother to wake up. Gabriel had described him as a baby bird with broken wings that had been pulled out of its nest far too soon. Dean could see that in Castiel, he could see where the gentleness and kindness had been and the emptiness that filled its space. He really was a bird with broken wings even after Gabriel had managed to fix his real wings.

"_What is it Dean?" Gabriel had asked as he washed his hands where his brother's blood had been. He could not get his hands to feel clean.  
"Are you two close then?" Dean had never seen Gabriel care so much- the few times he had seen him he had been making his little points and most of those were related to Sam.  
"We... we used to be. Before our family fell apart I always looked out for Cas. He's the baby of the family." Gabriel sounded like he was lost in his own thoughts as his voice continued, "He always was different from the other angels. Both Lucifer and Michael were interested in him- mainly because he was made after mankind and also because of how he was different." Gabriel continued to scrub his hands, "It is often that two or three angels are closer to each other than other angels. Like some siblings can be here."  
"So you and Cas were close?" Dean repeated the question as he studied the angel's movements. He was so different from Castiel it was scary.  
"Are you and Sam close?" The question caught him off guard.  
"Yes."  
"But not as close as you once were?"  
"Yes."  
"Then, the answer to your question is yes." Gabriel walked out of the room and went back to his brother._

He had not noticed the waitress before- she was a beauty. Long, silky red curls ran down her sides and her smile seemed to glow. "Hey." She had an English accent and Dean had to admit that it was very cute.  
"Hello." Dean grinned back- Castiel had left without a word. It wasn't like Dean owed him to not go with anyone else, "I'm Dean."  
"Hello Dean," The girl flashed another smile as she let out a small laugh, "I'm Iris."  
"Hello Iris," He ignored the guilt as he flirted with her. "Can I get you a drink?"  
"I don't know- can you?" She looked up at him through black eyelashes. Why would he feel guilty? He had no feelings for Castiel. He owed Castiel nothing; he had paid back for his soul being saved by helping him. There was nothing else.  
"Let me re-phrase that," Dean tilted his head, "_May_ I buy you a drink?"  
"Maybe."

It was dark. Her lips were warm and inviting yet things did not feel right. He felt his fingers tighten around his knife as he pushed her to the wall and tapped her neck with it.  
"How did you..." Iris looked at him with wide black eyes, "Impressive."  
"Indeed-" Dean let out a growl as he pressed the knife deeper into her skin, so deep a trail of ruby blood rolled down. Had Castiel's blood run over a dagger like that? "Give me one good reason not to kill you."  
"Oh but you won't kill me," All pretence of being scared was gone as she leaned closer. "I know."  
"Know what?" The dagger went deeper – had Castiel had a dagger pressed so deep into his vulnerable flesh? Had he begged? No, Castiel would not have begged. But surely he fought. He probably was hurt even more because he fought. He must have fought for his life.  
"I know about Angel Boy..." He pressed the knife deeper, "I know all about his time in Hell..." Dean almost froze. She knew about what had happened to Castiel? No, it was too much of a coincidence.  
"Sure and you just happened to run into me?" He twisted the knife at the right angle to cause her more pain. He was using one of Alistair's tricks. One that was probably used on Castiel.  
"No... I want to help you." Dean let out a laugh as the demon swallowed. "Look, I hate Alistair and I want him dead. To do so I need help and I know you guys want him dead- or will once you know what he did to your little _pure_ angel. Well when I say pure..." Dean punched her. He didn't want to but he could not stop himself. He hit her will all his strength.  
"Okay then- if you know so much," He looked at the demon that lay on the ground, "Tell me something. Anything."  
"Castiel... He was in Hell for one hundred years..." She told him as she tried to crawl away, "He didn't break.... Even when Lucifer tortured him..." Dean hit her again.  
"Any demon could know that if it were true-" He knelt so he was at her level, "Tell me something else."  
"Alastair burnt his wings-" She gasped out, "He has a scar now, barely visible going al the way down the middle and it forms a symbol that signifies weakness." Dean really did freeze that time. "He hasn't spoken a word since he was dragged to Hell- I hear he screamed for you in his final moments in his vessel."

Dean did not know what to say- she knew about the scar that Gabriel had told him about. Maybe the other things she was saying were true. Oh God... One hundred years? Castiel had been in Hell for one hundred years? Lucifer had tortured him? The bloody Devil had tortured his angel? Why would Castiel yell for him? It wasn't like Castiel had many options but why would he scream for Dean? When he had gone to Hell he had screamed for his brother... He had screamed for the person who meant the most to him.  
"Alastair used to say that the only reason he didn't fall apart was because he still had hope of you saving him." She got to her feet as he did; there was nothing close to humanity on her face. "He never even screamed." Dean glared at her as he moved the dagger close to her once again. "Kill me if you wish but I want to help you kill Alastair."  
"Why?" Dean was ready to kill her if she gave the wrong answer. They both knew that much.  
"I have my reasons." She grinned, "Think about it." With that, she was gone and her whisper danced in the silence and slithered like a dangerous snake telling Dean to take a bite out of the apple. _Think about it_. He would do that later after he had found and spoken to Cas. He needed to know if it was true. Had Castiel really been in Hell for all that time? If he had that meant Castiel had been tortured by Alastair and Lucifer for a century. He had waited for Dean to save him for a century. Dean had left him in Hell for a century without even trying to save him.

He didn't know when he had started walking but he was. His legs moving quickly as they carried him back to the hotel, his eyes watching the ground. What if Castiel refused to talk to him? Castiel had never been chatty but the complete silence scared Dean almost as much as the look in the angel's eyes. There had been large blue seas that Dean felt like he was drowning in but since he had gotten back they were no longer large seas. They had become sharp glass, needing to be pieced back together to be the beauty they once were but some pieces were missing. He wasn't complete and he probably was never going to be again. His wonderful Castiel was a broken diamond- still beautiful but not perfect. He seemed unfixable.  
"Damn it!" Dean snapped as he stood still, just before looking at the Impala, nearly jumping with joy as he recognised the figure that sat on it. "Cas?" The moment the golden light touched his friend's face he wanted to cry. Those eyes- they weren't just like glass, they were also like ice. Too foggy to see through. "You came back." The angel gave him a small smile as if to say 'of course'. Castiel had never let Dean down- it was always the other way round. Dean seemed to always let Castiel down. He had given him the stupid address, he had let him go alone, he had not saved Castiel and he had not been fast enough to consider tryin to look for him. Because of him Castiel had been in Hell. Because of him the angel was just a shell. Everything bad that ever happened to the angel always seemed linked to Dean. Gabriel had joked that Dean would be the death of Cas but never had he taken it so literally. He was already half way to having none of Castiel left and Dean suddenly realised how much that idea scared him. He silently vowed to keep Castiel safe. He vowed never to let Cas be hurt again. At the same time Castiel was fighting to stop himself from running away- he could not let himself get close to Dean. It would hurt too much if he did.

"I've been worried about you." Dean said as he sat next to the angel- flinching as Castiel inched away. "I saw a demon a minuet ago; she said her name was Iris." Castiel looked up quickly as if he recognised the name. "She said... She said..." Dean felt himself loose his words. They seemed too awful to be spoken. "She said you were in Hell for one hundred years." No reaction- not that Dean thought there would be. "She also said... she said that Lucifer also-" Dean searched for a words but none seemed to cover what he was looking for. "Lucifer also _hurt_ you." Castiel looked up at the sky and Dean followed his gaze to see a single, sad shooting star fly above them. "Make a wish." Dean put on his best grin and let out a laugh as Castiel looked at him as if he had gone insane. "It's meant to work if you made a wish on a shooting star. My mom always told me that." Both men made a single wish each on the star that moved away from their vision.

Dean Winchester wished for Castiel to be whole again- he couldn't cope with the shell that remained. He needed _his_ Castiel back, the one who watched him like a curious kitten not the one who was ready to run like a small mouse. He needed Castiel to be okay. He need his Cas back, the one who did not understand what personal space was and the Cas who popped up whenever he wanted. The one who did not jump at every little noise that he was not expecting. He wanted things to be back to how they were before he handed the yellow piece of paper over to him.

Castiel also wished- he wished that Dean would be okay once the month they were in ended. Out of the thirty-one days they had once had left they only had twenty-nine days left. 41760 minuets. Too little time to do anything about the deal even if he wanted to. But Castiel did not regret making the deal- he had saved Sam. He just wished he could find another way to save Dean.

After about an hour of silence Dean heard the flutter of wings as Castiel left. In that hour Dean had decided what he was going to do- he wanted the truth of what had happened and there was one person who would know.  
"Hello?" He muttered into the phone, "I'm guessing early.... Two am? Really? Look the reason why I'm calling.... Yes I have a bloody reason..... Will you shut up? Thanks. I was saying.... Yeah, well have you written anything recently? Oh.... Yeah.... We'll be there in the morning.... Yes, later. Thanks Chuck."

* * *

Next chapter everything (well, nearly everything) is revealed. I love Chuck so I needed to bring him into the story. Please review! You know the usual idea- four for a chapter. :D  
Also... what do you think of Iris? Trouble or Good news?

**Love,  
J.**


	6. The prophet's script

**A/N: H**ey! Wow... You guys review SO fast it scares me... That's a good thing. :) Next chapter may take longer but I thought I might as well put this one up.  
I hope you all enjoy and.... Yeah...

* * *

Chuck was shaking as waited with the papers held tightly in his hands. He had hated writing every single word- and the things he had seen. He was sure he would have nightmares for the rest of his life after some of the cruel images he had seen- when he had written Dean in Hell it had been easier because he did not know how very real each word was to the 'character'. But as he wrote down about the angel that was being tortured in Hell he had wept. He longed for the images to end as he drank his weight in alcohol. He would rather burn his eyes out than see another moment of the live Big Brother that was playing out in Hell for the demon's sick amusement. When he saw Castiel return to his vessel he wanted to be relieved but he had heard the terms to the agreement Castiel had done with Lucifer. He knew the rules.

When Dean had called he had pretended to be furious about the time but that was not why he had felt so mad- part of him that cared about the angel blamed Dean. Yes, it was completely unfounded and childish but he did not know who else to blame. Chuck had _felt_ the agony run through Castiel and he had felt the pure desperation as he hoped for Dean to come. It was the best thing he had written- the whole new series that Becky was begging for him to publish. The series based around the Angel who had sacrificed himself to protect the Winchester bothers. The series based around an angel whose only weakness had been caring too bloody much. Chuck knew it was good work but he could not sell it. He had no intention of exploiting the suffering the angel had endured to make money. When he had started selling his 'Supernatural' books he did not know he was making money out of actual things that were happening. He could not sell the 'To Break an Angel' series with a clear conscience. Even if it had been his worst enemy suffering in Hell Chuck would not even consider selling the book. He cared about Castiel- of course he did, he knew him inside out. He knew his insecurities and his blind faith in Dean. He knew that Castiel was not going to let Dean return to Hell as long as he still had breath within his angelic soul. That was another reason Chuck admired the angel- because he had always done what he had believe to be right no matter what the consequences for him would be.

Four hard knocks caught his attention as he slowly got up, leaving the papers on his chair like he had seen himself do. He knew that it would be Dean standing tall before the door- pretending not to be desperate for answers. He knew Dean was slowly being killed by his guilt of not getting to Castiel even when his dreams were full of the angel suffering. If he had seen half the things that Chuck had seen Dean would have driven both himself and the Impala off a cliff after killing every single demon there was. Dean had always been ready to say yes to Michael to protect Castiel- Chuck just hoped neither the angels nor demons worked it out because then Castiel would be in even more danger. His link with Dean put Castiel high enough on the hit-list for both sides. His loyalty to the brothers was ridiculous by anyone's standard as was his loyalty to his big brother Gabriel. Not that Castiel realised how much he meant to them. He saw himself as just another gadget for the brothers to get on with things smoothly and he was never going to admit that it really hurt him that he meant so little. That was one thing Castiel lacked in was confidence because nobody (ever) had told him that he was worth loving.

Three men walked into his home as he opened the door silently- he named each one with ease. The first was Dean, gently fiddling with the end of his jacked. The second was Sam who kept sending worried glanced at the third man who gave a small, calming smile. The third man was Gabriel.  
"What did you write?" Dean did not intend to sound rude- he was just so desperate for answers. They all were as they watched Chuck pour himself a drink, "You should all have one. Trust me on this." At the lack of movement he shrugged before walking over to sit on his couch as he swallowed the drink and picked up the paper. "Sit down." This time they all did what they were told, Sam sat next to Dean and Gabriel sat on the very end close to Sam. Who was offering comfort to who was a mystery. "Are you sure that you want to hear this?" He had to be sure, they should not hear it if they were not sure. If they did there was a risk that they would not be mentally prepared to cope with it.  
"Yeah." Dean answered for all three of them, not needing to look at the others who only quickly glanced at each other before nodding. Gabriel's hand had slipped onto Sam's arm and Sam's left hand was resting on Gabriel's hand.  
"Okay then- this is from ninety-nine years into Hell for Castiel. Very close to end of the first part of his bargain." Chuck swallowed and sent a glare at Dean who was about to interrupt. "Here we go then..."

"_Castiel had no idea how long he had been left hanging in the cold. To be honest Castiel had little idea how long he had been there in general. He had lost track a few days (or was it hours?) after being dragged into Hell. He almost wanted to cry out and see if anyone was there but he feared what he would see if he did cry out for help. What was he thinking anyway? Nobody was going to save him- Alastair had told him so every second since he had opened his eyes as he felt the cold of the metal piercing his skin a thousand times. He had still remained quiet because then he had at least a little control over what would happen to him._

_He had decided how much he hated any form of contact many years earlier. His skin was burning and battered from the hundred thousand different kinds of abuse it had suffered. He knew Alastair was frustrated with him from how he had toyed with him before actually physically hurting him. Alastair was clever with how he tried to break the angel- he allowed other demons to mainly use Dean when playing with his spinning mind. He had seen Dean so many times it was ridiculous- but they were never bang on how Dean was. Some were too caring- pretending he had been looking and that he was coming. Others simply got little details like his eyes wrong. Castiel had only once nearly fallen for a vision as he saw and felt Dean carve him into millions of tiny pieces too small to feed a mouse. _

_Sometimes he actually believed himself when he thought that someone might even try to look for him. All his faith seemed lost as he shut his eyes and let his heavy head hang down. He just wanted to sleep. _

_He knew little of what he wanted- he wanted the other angels to stop visiting but he wanted to see his big brother Gabriel so much it hurt. Did he not care enough to see him? Was he such a disgrace of a brother that Gabriel did not even want to see him? He wanted to be saved but he knew that he could not be. That was the deal- his soul was to burn in Hell for one hundred years to protect the brothers from going to Hell when they did die. One hundred years of each brother. Also, Gabriel's safety from the demons was included in the deal since Lucifer seemed to want Castiel in Hell an awful lot. Lucifer 'visited' once every twenty years and he would spend a month torturing Castiel with his two hands. His own brother tortured him and yet Castiel did not hate him. Of all the emotions Castiel had learnt to name hate was not on the list. Humiliation and Heartbreak were but not hate. He did not see the point in hating- if he hated it would be easier for them to break him and he was not going to break. Or at least that was what he really did not want to do- but since being in Hell he had done many things that he did not want to do. Or at least, they had been done to him._

_One human thing he did welcome was numbness. He liked numbness because then he could focus on something without the distraction of pain. He would focus on the smallest thing and analyse it till it broke apart. That was his coping mechanism. When they showed him lies of Sam destroying the world or Gabriel laughing as he burnt he would focus on the demon's one mistake (because there always was one) and it would not hurt as much. That was another lie he had convinced himself was true. The first one was that anyone was looking for him. Why would they look for him? He mattered to no-one. Nobody had noticed he was gone and nobody was going to look. Alastair was right: he was not worth the time. _

_Most demons lied but in that occasion Alastair did not need to- the angel's lack of self-worth was so little it was silly. If was not a wonder why- nobody had ever told him he was worth loving and nobody had ever taken the time to love him. He was just another scared child with an innocent view on the world. A view that Alastair was going to break him with. Alastair would not stop until the angel was broken- everyone broke in the end. Angel or human they always broke. And he had always loved a challenge so he was not going to give up- he had tried everything at least once but he still had a few twist and turns to make the angel give up on the small string of hope he was still clinging to as he watched with diamond eyes. Alastair was sure that if he had a heart it would bleed for the angel. But he did not have a heart and he was close to breaking the angel. The life that once radiated for him had faded and even his aura had changed colour according to a new demon- A girl who had been a witch. She was called Iris or something like that, Alastair really did not care. _

"_Have you not worked it out yet?" Alastair would whisper into the angel's ear as he ran fingers down the side of his bloody face. The angel did not look at him as his nails sunk into his face and pulled it so he had to face the demon. "They aren't coming for you. Nobody is going to save you. They left you here with me." Castiel sent a small glance at the demon who grinned happily as he pulled out his favourite knife. Castiel tried not to focus on the pain and chose to focus on the small river of blood. He focused on keeping his silence. He focused on the chain that was slightly cracked in the middle. He was trying to hold on but the string he was holding on to was burning him and he was not going to be able to be able to hold on much longer. He had to hold on but it was so very hard... He was so close to breaking point he could see it and he could see no way to avoid it._" Chuck stopped reading as he looked up at the three men. All three of them looked as if they were about to be sick.

Gabriel slowly got to his feet, his hand moving from Sam's arm after giving a small squeeze. He slowly walked over to the three glasses and poured the drink before taking a gulp.  
"Oh God..." Dean swallowed, seemingly lost for words as he stared at Chuck.  
Gabriel handed a drink to each of the brother's before sitting back down next to Sam without a single sound. "They... what did they do to my brother?" Gabriel had never been at such a lack of words. He had no idea what to say- Sam could see that as he slipped his hand into Gabriel's and gave a small squeeze.  
"They did a lot of things to your brother-" Chuck rubbed his forehead, "He broke on the final day in Hell- well, with broke I mean showed emotion. The last thing I wrote was him trying to deal." He swallowed the rest of his drink, "He... He's been through a lot and he needs you guys to get back to his feet before it's time for the next half of his deal."  
"What is this deal?" Sam spoke as he looked away from Gabriel to his brother who had his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.  
"When Lucifer caught him he offered him a deal- to save both your souls he would have to spend one hundred years in hell for each one. If he did so then Hell would not claim you when you die. Castiel also made the deal with the reassurance that you..." He looked at Gabriel, "Would be safe from the demons and Lucifer."  
"Why would he make such a deal?" Dean suddenly looked at him like Castiel must have looked at one point. Like a child seeking answers.  
"You really don't get how much he cares about you do you?" Chuck shook his head, "He worships the three of you! Gabriel- you're his big brother. You could beat him half to death and he would still bloody idolize you. Sam- He has put himself in danger so many times to protect you. The first time Lucifer caught him he did not beg as he tried to work out a way to get out of the holy fire. He stood tall and said that he would not let Lucifer take you. He seduced demon Meg so he could get out of the fire for God's sake and he never told any of you!" Chuck stopped for a breath before looking at Dean. "Dean- you have to be blind if you can't see the way that angel still looks at you. He has given up everything for **you**. He has been beaten, tortured, killed, brought back to life, tormented, scared and he has been brave for you. He lost his place in heaven as an angel for you and the moment you stop Lucifer he will be number one on the hit list. Lucifer offered him the chance to be on his side- to restore his mojo- but he turned it down for you guys." Chuck shook his head and glanced up only to loose the red from his face.

"_...He has been beaten, tortured, killed, brought back to life, tormented, scared and he has been brave for you. He lost his place in heaven as an angel for you and the moment you stop Lucifer he will be number one on the hit list. Lucifer offered him the chance to be on his side- to restore his mojo- but he turned it down for you guys."_ Castiel leaned against the door, his head touching the cold wood as he listened to the prophet talk. He could not resist a silent smirk as the prophet spotted him. It was... weird hearing what they though about him and it did feel a little like spying but he was sure they would not mind. He was glad that it was not the worst bit that Chuck had chosen to read out. He had gone for a mild part of his time in Hell and for that Castiel was grateful.  
"Castiel..." Chuck whispered as he looked at the angel who watched him carefully. The other three men that were on the sofa jumped up to see him. At any other time he would have found it amusing but he simply watched them watch him.

Dean looked at the angel as he tried to read what was going on his mind. Nobody moved or spoke a word for many seconds before Gabriel took a step towards Castiel. Then another step. He kept taking steps till he was close enough to pull Castiel into a tight hug. A single whisper left his lips that only Castiel heard, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

So? Was this good? The slash is on it's way as is mure hurt, angst and... and well, the usual stuff I write. :D If you want check out my Trailer for this on YouTube- I was called 'Monica6Reyes' but the trailer is on 'LittleBloodyJ'. Please tell me what you - think, there are a few spoilers in it.  
Hope you all liked!

**Love,  
J.**

**Ps: **If I didn't answer your review feel free to throw rotten fruit at me but in my defence my e-mail isn't working. At all. :D


	7. Shiver

**A/N: H**ey! Emmm.... THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!  
Seeing that many of you were mad at me I chose not to put a cliff-hanger at the end of this chapter. :D Hope you like...

* * *

**23 days left...**

* * *

It had been five days since they had visited Chuck. Since then things were not at all better- in many ways they were worse. Dean had not talked to Castiel since just after leaving Chuck's house. Part of Dean just wanted Castiel to talk but Cas did not even attempt to talk- the few times he was actually around Dean he watched him like he'd kicked his puppy or something awful. It was pitiful how Castiel silently watched Dean and every single time that Dean ignored him (not even bothering to pretend that he was not ignoring the angel) his shoulders would slump just a little.

It was not that Dean was angry at Castiel- he just did not know what he could say. How was he meant to look at the angel in the same way? He could not look at him without wandering how he was still standing and not a crying mess. How could Castiel be so strong even after all that had been done to him? Yes, Dean cared about the angel. Of course he cared about the angel but he seemed not to see the pain he was causing the angel as he walked straight past him. He did not know how he was slowly cracking what remained of his heart. Dean did not know how badly Castiel wanted to scream out for Dean to just _look at him_. He didn't need Dean to ignore him- he felt dirty enough anyway. He knew he was tainted but Dean turning his back on him was yet another horrible feeling at the pit of his stomach. Naming the emotion was hard; there were two options that would tick all the boxes: Heartbreak and Betrayal. Maybe both. He had never wanted any of it- he just couldn't fight them. Why was Dean treating him so coldly? Had he done something wrong without realising? If he could speak he would say he was sorry for whatever it was but he couldn't use up his one time for just that. He knew when he was going to speak for the one time he was allowed.

Gabriel's patience was wearing thin as he watched Dean ignore his brother. Gabriel may not have been the best brother in the world (he had been pretty crap at times) but he really cared about his brother. His innocent little brother with wide blue eyes and a childlike joy that had always made him different from other angels. His little brother who did not know he was worth loving. It broke Gabriel's heart to admit that he had failed in protecting his brother. He was not going to allow one human who was too stubborn to admit his feelings to hurt his little brother. Castiel had been slightly less detached after getting over the shock that Gabriel was hugging him. It had been a very long time since any for of contact had not been vicious, cruel and against his will. It had been the first time that there was warmth as strong arms wrapped around him. Castiel had been confused- he could not help but relate contact with pain. But when Gabriel had hugged him there had been no pain- it had _almost_ felt nice. It probably would have been nice if it were not for his heart racing at the speed of light with fear. Gabriel could feel it as he hugged Castiel who had frozen. It was strange but Gabriel wanted to cry as he held his brother in his arms. Why would anyone want to hurt him? Of all the angels why would anyone want to hurt Castiel?

After about an hour of sitting in the room with the too he longed for Sam to talk to- but he had gone to find some books for the research he was doing. The silence was stupid, he could practically hear Castiel's heart falling onto the ground and breaking. It was cruel, the man was broken enough without more of him needing to be broken.  
"Dean- a word please?" He kept his voice emotionless as he grabbed the other man by his nicely toned arm and dragged him towards the door quickly grabbing a jacket. "We'll be back in a few minuets Cas." He sent a smile to the other angel who gave a small nod, looking directly at him for the first time in a very long time.  
The moment they were out Dean pulled his arm back, "What the Hell are you playing at?"  
"What am I playing at?!" Gabriel growled, "You're the one breaking Castiel's heart! Has my brother not been though enough?"  
"Oh, he's your brother _now_?" Dean growled back, "Not when you trapped me and Sam in a TV till he came to save us? Not when you smashed him into a wall, taped his mouth and sent him God knows where so you could make your stupid point?" He knew it was uncalled for as he saw Gabriel recoil like he had just touched something disgusting. The anger on the angel's face only got stronger.  
"Yes, because you're the brother of the year!" Gabriel was full yelling by then, "You think you don't hurt Sam every single time you rub what he has done wrong in his face! So do **not** lecture me on being a good brother."  
Dean didn't contain himself, "Well I never claimed that I was perfect but at least I try!" As Gabriel swallowed the anger in Dean died. "I... I'm sorry... I didn't..."  
"Yes. You did." Gabriel shook his head, "Just stop hurting Cas. He never did anything wrong but he obviously thinks he did something to make you mad. Tell me Dean- has Castiel done anything wrong?"  
Dean felt his blood turn cold, "No."  
"Then, why don't you bloody well tell him before he's completely heartbroken!" Gabriel shook his head, "I've seen him hurt before but I'm not going to let you break his heart. He's worth more than that."  
"I know."

Gabriel left straight after that, leaving Dean alone with the annoying voice in his head. Castiel _was_ worth more- he was worth so very much more. And Dean was just hurting him more and more. That wasn't fair. He did not wish to hurt the angel. Why did he keep doing it then? He only became aware of another person when he saw the shadow near his- he recognised it straight away.  
"Hey Cas," Dean turned to face the angel. "Did you hear much of that?" Castiel shook his head. "Good." At the head-tilt he got Dean laughed. "Don't worry about it. Are you okay?" Castiel gave a short, sharp nod. He suddenly looked uncomfortable. "You're not going to talk are you?" To that Castiel simply looked at him with the very look that broke his heart. "I..." What should he say? "I... emmmm..." Words seemed to leave him. He had no idea what to say. "Emmmm..." The urge to yell at himself grew as Castiel watched him silently. "I'm sorry Cas... I can't do this." Dean quickly walked away, only catching a glimpse of the angel shutting his eyes sadly and biting his lower lip that was already fairly swollen. "Sorry Cas." Dean whispered again as he walked away leaving Castiel alone in the shadows.

Castiel shut his eyes as he tried to ignore Alistair's distant voice laugh in his ears. _'I bet when you get back they won't even be able to look at you.' _Alastair had been correct once again. They couldn't look at him. They barely spoke to him and when they did they spoke **at** him. Sam looked at him with such pity it made Castiel want to scream. His last month and they were treating him like he did not have feelings. They were treating him as if he were made of glass and was about to shatter. He really wanted to be able to talk- to tell them that he wasn't glass. He wanted to tell them about the shadow that kept following him everywhere and the eyes he could feel watching him. Sending a shiver down his spine as the cold bit him, he really hated it. He could never escape the feeling of being watched and the few times he did he was being treated in such a way it made him feel like he was nothing. _'They won't want you back.'_ Alastair had told him. Alastair had been correct when he had said so all those times. They didn't want him back- he disgusted them. He made them sick; Dean could not even stand to be in the same area as him. _'Dean won't want you.'_ It was true, Dean did not want him. He was tainted and nobody wanted a dirty, useless, weak angel. Did he even count as an angel anymore? He did not believe so. He wasn't anything- he was just Castiel. The one with a name that meant absolutely nothing. He wasn't even important to the other angels.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he started to walk away from the hotel, walking towards were the eyes were watching him. He wanted to know who it was that was watching him. Castiel just wanted to have a little peace of mind. Was that really too much to ask for? Could he not have a little piece of mind so that he could rest without the feeling of dread? Just once. That was all he was asking for. It was not like he was asking for Dean to love him- he knew that was never going to happen. He disgusted Dean, he knew that, and he knew that Dean did not trust him. Not really- he only trusted him when he had no other options and Castiel was fine with that. Sort of. It hurt but he did not really mind. As long as he did not focus on it he was fine.

It was dark- he could barely see a metre ahead of him. Suddenly he wanted to turn around and go back to the hotel, back to the chair next to the window. He just wanted to run from the shadows that were surrounding him, ready to swallow him up. He was scared- he didn't like not knowing what was going to happen to him. He hated the feeling of dread when somebody knew what was going to happen and he did not. He really did not like that feeling and another thing he did not like was when he knew that someone was just out of sight. That they could see him but he could not see them. No- Castiel really did not like it. He almost felt like going back to the hotel so he could be close to Dean. Dean made him feel safe. But he couldn't go back- he had to pretend to be strong as he walked through the shadows, the little light that had been showing him the way flickered before dying. Then there was darkness and a sudden warmth on his neck. He never liked sudden warmth. Something being sudden meant that it was not expected and if it was not expected that meant he was not ready to fight back which gave whoever had surprised him an upper hand. Upper hands were bad. In Hell Alastair had an upper hand because Castiel could not fight back.

'_You're weak, little boy.'_ The dark made him fight a shiver. It was cold and he was not alone in the darkness. He could sense that there was someone (or rather, something) else with him and they did not have good intentions. The urge to run back to Dean was nearly overpowering but so was something else... the smell of sulphur filled his nose as he tried to find the source. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He knew that it was close but he had no idea where it was. He wasn't sure where he was.

The sudden feeling of cold metal at the back of his head told him that whoever had been watching him was also behind him. Once he felt his body hit the ground he saw the shape of two high heels and the shape that belonged to a man stood next to her.  
"We got him!" The female said, her voice was smooth and painted with a British accent. As everything faded to an even deeper black Castiel could not help but agree with her.  
They really had gotten him.

* * *

Sooo? Please review (you can guess how many I want by now) and tell me how good I am at not putting cliff-hangers... right?  
For those who saw the vid on Youtube *1909Katerina* I love you! Was that weird? If it was I'll take it back... ;)

**Love,  
J.**


	8. Bleed

**A/N: H**ey! It took a while for the four reviews but I updated ASAP. :) Because of the INSANE amount of reviews this story has gotten I *tried* to write a sweet chapter. Aka: Not a *too* hurt Cas chapter.  
Not my best but I tried. Hope you all like...

* * *

**22 days...**

* * *

The clock struck one am and Castiel fell to the ground once again. He couldn't breathe- his chest felt like it had one hundred bricks resting on it, pushing the little air out. Everything was sore, his vision was blurry like he looking through spilt milk. Did he like milk? He should try it, before it was too late. Why was he thinking about milk anyway? Castiel bit his lip as he shoved himself to his feet, ignoring the pain that doing so brought. He was not far from the hotel- if only he could drag himself to the room without causing himself more damage. Just a few more metres and he would be at the door, just a few more metres and then he would be safe. He did not remember there being so many slippery steps earlier.

Sam had been on his computer, reading about deals with the Devil. He was desperate to find a way to save Castiel but he did not know how to do that without putting Dean's soul at risk. The knock on the door that he heard was small and weak. To be honest he was not sure he really did hear anything. He didn't rush as he walked to the door, sending a quick glance to Gabriel who was still fuming about Dean as he sat on the end of Sam's bed. The moment he opened the door he spotted the bloody angel struggling to stand, his eyes barely open as he swayed on his feet. Samuel barely got a chance to take in the sight before Castiel chocked on some of his blood (there was so much of it...) and fell forwards into the youngest Winchester's arms. He was heavy- the sort of heavy that dead bodies were. How could he be so heavy even after all the blood he had lost over the last few weeks? Sam tried not to think of it as he struggled to stand as the angel lay deadly still once again. "Cas?" He whispered the name gently- yet Gabriel still heard it before walking to where he could see what was happening. The moment he could see he practically ran to his brother's side. "Castiel- stay awake!" Sam tried to order in a 'Dean-in-a-strop' voice but it sounded like he was begging to all of their ears. The young angel's eyes seemed to flicker before he stopped moving. His chest seemed to move so slowly compared to before that Sam was not sure which one was normal. Maybe neither of them was normal.  
"No, not again..." Gabriel swallowed looking up at Sam with desperate eyes. If one was to remove themselves from the situation it was the very look Dean had in his eyes when Sam was stabbed all those years earlier. It was a look of pure panic, fear and desperation. It was a look that did not belong on the face of either man. It even looked a little like Sam's look as he found his father dead on the ground. The look of someone who was crying both inside and outside- the very essence of their souls falling apart. It was a look that seemed to ride with the job- hand in hand with their worst moments.

Gabriel lifted Castiel in his arms with ease- he was getting used to having to carry his brother, barely feeling the other's heart struggling to keep on beating... no. Gabriel would never get used to it; he shouldn't get use to it. It was his baby brother struggling to live in his arms as his head rolled back and his limbs fell down. Why did it always have to be Castiel? What he ever done to anyone? Yes, he had always been better than all the other angels. They had all known it- his Grace had always shone that bit brighter. It had always been that little bit whiter than everyone else's. He had always been special and that had seemed to divide the angels into two, there were the ones who wanted to protect him and the ones that wanted him on their side. Not that Castiel ever realised his importance- he had never seen himself as important. That was another thing that made Castiel special.  
"Call Dean," Gabriel quickly told Sam as he carried Castiel to the nearest bed (Dean's bed), his clothes already covered in blood from the wounds his brother had. Gabriel tried not to focus on the blood as he placed a hand gently on Castiel's face. He only left it there a second but it was long enough to calm down the other angel even a little. The moment he took the bloody shirt of his brother he let out a gasp. "Fuck."

Dean got the phone call just as he got out of a taxi about five minuets up the road. "What is it Sam?" He wasn't in the mood to talk to his brother; he was probably going to lecture him over upsetting the precious Gabriel. "No in the mood for a lect-" The rest of the sentence seemed forgotten as Sam's voice reached his ears.  
"Dean... Cas is hurt- badly." Sam sounded like he was panicking, "You need to get back here..." There was the sound of movement as he heard Gabriel swear. "Oh... Shit. You need to get here **now**." Next thing Dean knew he was running as fast as his legs would take him.

The door was open as Dean ran into their room; he could clearly see blood on the door where Castiel had knocked. He had gotten there in less than two minutes.  
"What did this to him?" He heard Sam ask as he walked around the small corner towards the beds. When his eyes fell onto the bloody Castiel he felt his heart fall, graze its knees before trying to get up. It probably wouldn't get up for a while.  
"Oh God..." Dean looked at each mark, trying to take them in but there were so many of them. The largest, engraved his side looked like a clock with a '22' next to it. Somebody had engraved into Castiel's flesh... the other bloody marks were simply from a beating but those two on his side were engraved deep on his right side- they were going to scar. Castiel would always have those... or at least Jimmy would. No, Castiel was not going to leave again. Dean was not going to let the demons get their filthy little paws on him... but he did, didn't he? He had gone out to drink leaving Cas alone. If he had not left him then they would have never gotten him. It was the second time Dean had let Cas down. Why did he keep doing that?

~*~

That was the moment Castiel's heart stopped beating.

~*~

Castiel seemed to slip into a deep sleep after that- Gabriel said that he was healing himself. But three days without moving? It wasn't right. Gabriel had been furious; Sam had to drag him off somewhere to calm him down where it was just the two of them. Dean did not care because in those three, long days Dean had only left the angel's side to go to the lavatory. And even when he did he worried that Castiel might just... that he might just die when Dean was gone. That idea terrified him- the idea of Castiel dying made him sick but the thought of him dying _alone_? That idea scared him half to death.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered as he took the angel's warm hand in his own. It was too warm- he didn't like it but it still felt _right_, he liked the feeling of the angel's had in his own. "I am so very sorry Cas." He held onto Castiel's hand tighter, as he looked at the angel's blank face. "I should never have left you alone... I let you down. _Again_." He looked at the hand he held and let out a sigh. "I... I was so scared- It's been a very long time since I felt this way about anyone." He almost wanted to kiss the hand. He had given up caring about 'chick-flick' moments. Life was just too bloody short- he was starting to see that more than ever. "Please wake up Cas. I'm begging you here." Nothing. "Please Cas, I need you to be here with me. I can't do this without you." There was a moment of deadly silence, "I love you." The silence swallowed them once again as preying eyes kept on watching.

~*~

Gabriel looked like he was about to kill something. Sam had never seen him look so furious, it was scary.  
"Gabriel- what are you doing?" Sam asked as Castiel drew a symbol on the ground- he recognised the symbol from the times he and Dean had summoned demons.  
"Summoning a demon." Gabriel quickly responded, never looking up from what he was drawing.  
"Why?"  
"Because, she might know what is going on and if not we get to kill her," Gabriel sent a small smile towards Sam. "She's a young demon so stay near to me."  
Sam rolled his eyes, "I don't get you." He watched as Gabriel walked over to him.  
"Will you help me?" The plead was obvious as he looked deep into Sam's eyes.  
"Of course." Sam let out a sigh as he answered, "What do I have to do?"  
Gabriel gave a small smirk before whispering, "Just make sure I don't do anything stupid." Then he called out the summoning spell.

The demon that appeared was in the shape of a child, about seven years old with a long plat. She would have been a pretty little girl if not for her large, black eyes. "You called?" Her accent was French and her smile cold. It was a smile that did not belong on the child's face.  
"Who are you?" Gabriel tried to keep his voice in check, to stop himself from showing his fury. First the bitch may have had something to do with his brother being hurt and then she took the body of a _little girl_. He already hated her an insane amount.  
"Hello to you too Gabriel and you little Sammy," Her head snapped to the side so she was looking at Sam. "You summon me yet you do not know my name?" She sent another grin to the two men. "I am Iris. Lovely to meet you." The little girl's lips formed an innocent smile as the eyes changed to a chocolate colour. She wore a small, pink dress and a matching little fake flower in her hair. Around her slim neck she wore a gold chain with the letter 'I' on it. "This vessel was called Iris too." She said as she started tilting from side to side like a child would when bored.  
Sam felt Gabriel stiffen next to him so he decided it wise to speak before Gabriel blew up, "We want to know what you know about what happened to Castiel."  
If they thought the smile Iris had worn before had been horrible the one she wore after he said that made both grown men want to run for dear life.

"Oh..." The little girl played with her plat, "You mean the one with big blue eyes?" She was playing them by using the child-like innocence that came with the new suit she wore. "The pretty one who would not scream even when Father tried to get him to?"  
"Look, we're not in the mood for your games-" Gabriel snarled, "We just want to know what happened!"  
Iris looked up from the end of her plat, "Many things happened- there was the moment the demons jumped out at him and he fell to the ground. Then there was the moment he saw the knife and his diamond eyes opened wide..." Her French accent made each word sound soft and innocent but the look that filled her eyes was anything but soft or anything like innocent. "He was not strong enough to fight." She made it sound like children's tale, nothing serious or real about it. "But oh he tried..." Another malicious smile grew onto her face.  
"Look you little demon bitch..." Gabriel took a small step forwards, "My brother is in a coma and if you don't tell us what you demons did to him you will be dead before you can blink."  
"Mommy always said that talking to mean strangers was bad..." Iris tilted her head, "But okay..." She sat down on the cold pavement and crossed her little legs. "The bad, bad demons carved into your brother like a human would carve into a turkey- the knife cut nice and smoothly as your brother tried to get up." She rolled her head around, causing it to click. "They put a drop of poison on the knife- a special poison that makes an angel sleep so deeply that soon even their heart will go to sleep."  
Sam and Gabriel glanced at each other before Gabriel spoke, "Is there a cure?"

Iris shut her chocolate eyes and when she opened them again they sparkled with joy. "That's a secret." She said no more before pushing the lips that were not really hers into a pout. "But I guess I _could_ tell you if..."  
"If what?" Sam asked gently, ready for her to demand something ridiculous with more strings than he could count attached.  
"If you help me kill the big, bad demon who tortured both me and your brother in Hell." Her eyes seemed to widen even more in a puppy dog look that belonged on the face the demon wore. "If you say you will I will give you the cure."  
"You want us to help you kill Alastair?" Sam blinked as the little girl... no, as the demon who wore the skin of the little girl, got to its feet.  
"Yep." Iris pulled a small vial out of a pocket, "I have the cure." She threw it in the air; Gabriel barely caught it before it hit the ground. As soon as he did catch the cold glass in his hand he and Sam turned to walk away. "Are you just going to leave me here?" She turned on the little girl charm once again. "Alone?"She sent yet another smile towards them.  
"Until we know you are telling the truth." Sam called back as he pulled Gabriel away from going back and killing her. "Till then I'm sure you'll be fine."

~*~

Dean watched as Gabriel and Sam appeared into the room, Gabriel quickly moving to place the vial onto Castiel's lips. "Are we sure about this?" Gabriel whispered to Sam and Dean, "Do we trust the word of a demon?"  
"Do we dare not take its word?" Dean looked at the other two men before he saw Sam nod.  
"We have to- he might die if we don't."  
"He might die if we do." Gabriel swallowed, "Can we live with it if we kill him?"  
Dean looked away as Sam placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder and simply whispered, "Can we live if we let him die?" Gabriel poured the liquid into Castiel's numb mouth.

It took ten long, agonising seconds before Castiel's body broke into fits, his body shaking and his head snapping from side to side. After that he just... lay still. And for the second time in a few days Castiel's heart stopped and for the second time it re-started. It was not going to give up that easily.  
His blue eyes flickered open as he slowly tried to push himself into a sitting position. "Wow... Steady there," Sam sent him a reassuring smile, "You'll pull your stitches. Just stay still."  
Gabriel sent Castiel a magnificent grin before pulling Sam into a hug, their lips meeting almost by accident. Yet, they did not separate.  
"Ewwww," Dean whined, "Please stop... I'm being emotionally injured here!" The two finally broke apart- probably for air more than for Dean's sake. "May I suggest you two get your own room tonight? Please?" Castiel let a small smile form on his face before looking away from Sam and Gabriel who were having eye-sex. Lots of eye-sex.

After Gabriel and Sam left Dean finally paused. That was another moment where another detail seemed to sink in- Dean had not let go of Castiel's hand since before he had woken up and even after the other two said goodbye before Gabriel dragged Sam away, Dean did not let go. Instead he leaned in towards Cas and whispered in his ear.  
"Did you hear what I said?" The angel gave a small nod. "I meant it." Castiel looked up at him as he considered why he did not want to pull away from Dean like he usually did. Instead he wanted to snuggle closer to the hunter. "I really do mean it." Dean kissed the Angel's forehead before pulling away, "Sleep now Cas, I'll see you in the morning." When Dean moved to leave Cas he found the angel pulled him down so he was lying next to him. Dean smiled as he pulled Castiel into an embrace (gentle, yet still an embrace) and allowed sleep to take him as well.

* * *

I know. I can't write romance as well as torture (and I'm not that good at either). I tried. ^_^  
As I told on reviewer the 'Gabriel / Sam' Isn't just because I like them it is actually going to be vital for the plot. Soo.... Any comments to tell me to hurry up and update? Please? Just four.... *puppy dog eyes*

**Love,  
J.**


	9. Truth

**A/N: H**ey! Sorry about the delay but I was back at school! My French teacher is already picking on me but I'm glad to see my best friends again. :) Thank you for your reviews! I love all of you! *hugs* Hope you enjoy...  
Oh... By the way, if you had to choose: The Colt or an Archangel sword?

* * *

Iris waited about twenty minutes before turning to turn to the shadows behind her. "Did I do well?" She asked the figure who stepped out of the shadows yet never fully leaving them.  
"Very," He nodded stepping on the flames (causing them to die) with a grin worthy of his reputation. He sent a shiver down even Iris' borrowed back as she watched him carefully- he could kill her in less than a second if he wished. "You did very well."  
Her smile grew and it made the child's face practically glow. She looked like a little girl being praised by her daddy- making her so happy she looked like she could burst. "What do I do next?" She looked up at him as she smoothed the creases on the dress.  
"You wait- he'll come to you soon enough." He smiled again as He moved a strand of hair off her face. "Be patient my child. He's coming and the moment he arrives we **will** be waiting."

_*_

When Dean woke up Castiel was no longer sleeping next to him. Dean's head had been rested next to Castiel's when he had fallen asleep and he could still feel the warmth. Castiel had not been gone long- but the fact that he was gone was still something to pull at his heart in the way he must of pulled many other's hearts when he snuck away in the night. He reached put, stretching his heavy limbs, fingers running over the soft blankets and paper before.... wait. Paper? He gripped the scratchy material in his hand and pulled it up as he blinked, focusing as he adjusted to the lack of light and the swirly writing. It was neatly written with care- each letter seemed beautiful as Dean followed the swirls. He smiled gently as he replayed them in his head as a smile painted itself onto his lips for good.  
_'Dean,  
I have gone out to check something – I plan to be back soon. Try to get some sleep; you looked a mess last night. Also, you __**really**__ snore.  
Cas.'_

Dean pushed himself up, rolling his head around as he got to his feet. It was good that Castiel was strong enough to get up but Dean was still worried and he suspected that he would be until he saw the angel with his own two eyes. When had he started caring so much anyway? He was acting like a love sick puppy... It had been a very long time since he had felt as strongly about anyone- no. He had never felt like he did at that moment... It scared him. He knew that he might lose his Cas soon and he couldn't bear to think about the possibility that Cas would have to return to Hell- for him. Dean had been there forty years but one hundred? Splitting the time in two seemed even crueller. Giving Castiel time to get used to being home with those he cared about before being snatched away again. Dean was ready to let his soul go unclaimed as long as Castiel was safe. But how on earth could he stop a deal held by the Devil himself?

He had no idea and knowing Sam he would try to find a loop hole – he was not going to let Dean put his own soul in danger. No matter how much Dean begged Sam would never put him at the risk of returning to Hell. But on the other hand Gabriel would be more inclined to help him. Castiel was Gabriel's little brother and no matter what shit happened Gabriel would always want to protect him- it scared Dean how easily he could relate. The looks Castiel gave Gabriel were the same Sam had once given him when he was still untouched by the cruel worlds that followed them around. Before his innocence and kindness had been smashed to pieces and he had been left feeling cold. Dean knew how his brother had felt because he had felt like that once and he didn't want Castiel to feel the emptiness that they felt. In some senses Castiel was a child and the first, suffocating wave of agony and despair had hit him, nearly making him fall to the ground and give up. The next wave was going to be bigger and he knew that Castiel did not believe he would make it. Dean did not believe he could.

But would Gabriel tell him? When it came to a choice of Sam (his lover) hating him forever or Castiel being tortured in Hell for another hundred years, would he make the right choice? To Dean it seemed crystal clear that Castiel should be protected but it was obvious how careful Gabriel was to not hurt Sam... Was it fair to make him somewhat choose? He could not see any other way and he was desperate to find one. He did not want to hurt his brother but he did **not** want Castiel to go back to Hell. His perfect Castiel who had given up everything for him was already damaged but it he had to go to Hell again he would break. In the amount of time he had been in Hell it was more than likely that Dean would have become a demon. That idea scared him yet not as much as the images of Castiel hanging there, hooks through his lily white skin (for some reason he looked like his vessel to Dean even when he was in hell) and his beautiful face was so red it seemed he could not physically have any blood remaining in him. His eyes had been nearly shut as his head had hung down for a few seconds before his eyes widened once again as the pain filled him up. He had managed to keep his lips shut yet at that time he had the trust that soon he would be saved – on his second trip he would not be lucky enough to have such hope.

Yes, he had to ask Gabriel. It wasn't fair but he just had to. He wouldn't allow Castiel to go back to Hell for him. He was not worth it- he was already broken but Castiel had a chance of getting better. His innocence was his greatest weakness just as much as it was his greatest strength. Dean was not going to let Castiel suffer for him. He had hurt the angel enough anyway. Little did he know Castiel was ready for his attempts to stop him.

_*_

Castiel was sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, he could feel many eyes watching his every movement, following him like a shadow ready to swallow him up and he knew who (what) they were. Demons. Another thing the angel knew was that the shape he could see in the corner of his eye was not a friendly figure. It was a figure he wished he could hate but... But Castiel had never been good at the whole hating thing. He had never been good at hating because he loved too much. It was an ironic curse yet he knew it was a curse because if it was not for it he would never have gone to Hell. If it were not for the curse he would push himself to his feet and kill the man that was suddenly sitting next to him. But he could not do it- even after everything that had happened he still could not do it. He did not want to.

"Castiel." The other said his name gently and it reminded him of what was. But just for a second before the other turned to face him. "Time is running out fast isn't it?" Castiel felt his hands drop, yet his back did not straighten as his head turned to look at his big brother. Lucifer looked back at his through his vessel's eyes. "Is... Are they worth this?" Castiel allowed himself to nod, the fear of the man (angel, whatever he was) who sat next to him. Dean had been right all that time before when he said family sucked- he only understood it then. Were they worth it? Yes, of course they were. The look he gave his brother was shy yet it spoke those words. Dean was always worth the hurt and so were Sam and Gabriel. He would die for each and every one of them a thousand times if he could and he would never blame them- both he and Lucifer knew that.

There was a moment when Lucifer was almost like he had been before he had become the Devil. When he had been God's favourite and still part of Castiel's family. But as the favourite and the youngest sat still Lucifer spoke strongly, "You don't have to do this." Yes, he did. "Join me; you won't have to suffer any longer. I can make it all go away..." Lucifer could see the hint of longing that filled his brother's eyes. Castiel wished so hard that he could just let go... he wanted to stop feeling. Yet, at the same time he was glad he could feel. For the first time in his life he truly _felt_. Each feeling different yet each one hitting him just as hard as the next. Fear, love, pain, betrayal, heartbreak, agony, faith, loyalty, dislike... it seemed he felt everything yet he could not feel hatred. The one feeling that could help him was just out of his reach. "Join me and you will be free." No, if he joined his brother (because, after everything, Lucifer was still his brother and he still loved him.) he would not be free. He would be back in his old, empty cage.

Castiel found himself looking at Lucifer carefully, considering what his next move should be. He was not strong enough for a fight. He was not brave enough to fight. He had no idea what to do. "You're not going to are you?" Lucifer let out a sigh as Castiel continued to watch him. "I never did understand you, the small angel clinging to Gabriel and hiding behind him from me before I fell." Castiel looked away, wishing he did not remember. He had always disliked being alone with Lucifer. "Your vessel suits you- I'll give you that." Lucifer got to his feet. "Think about it-" For a second he considered saying please. But the Devil did not beg- not even when he really did not wish to kill his baby brother. The little angel who always shone brighter than anyone and who always watched with those blue eyes. Lucifer hated humans, he wanted them all gone. But killing him baby brother was going to be hard, even if he never did admit it.

Of course, Castiel would think of it and he knew that he would say no. He was not going to let down those who relied on him (or was it him who relied on them?), he had not sunken so low yet. Until he was back in Hell he would stay strong if only for them and if Dean tried to find a way to try and stop the deal he would stop him. Lucifer would choose his soul over Dean's because an angel in Hell would send a message out. An angel who broke in Hell? An even stronger message was the idea that an angel who sacrificed himself to eternal damnation for a human and broke in Hell? That would send out the message Lucifer wanted. Castiel was the star of the message and he knew it. He was going to play along simply to protect his new family. Gabriel, Sam and Dean were the ones he was going to protect and if being the star of the show kept them safe... He was just about desperate enough to try anything.

His heart seemed to beat in slow motion as he got to his feet without glancing at where Lucifer had been. There was a final, vital skill Castiel had learnt from humans.  
Castiel had learnt how to act and he was going to use that ability to his advantage to reassure everyone that everything would be fine.

* * *

**21 days... **

* * *

Soo? Please review! :D I hope you all liked and yep, Castiel will get to beat a few demons up soon.

**Love,  
J.**


	10. Lies

**A/N: H**ey! Wow... sorry about the delay! My computer stopped working and I still can't get my email to work! :( Sorry if I didn't answer you directly but thank you for reviewing!  
Also... WOW! Half way already? I thought I'd do a final *nice* chapter before the interesting stuff happens. :) You know me, angst to come!  
Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

**16 days left...**

* * *

When Dean awoke that morning Castiel was still next to him, his body still wrapped in Dean's arms. Dean could not remember last time he had just slept with anyone without actually having sex- and even then he usually left as fast as he could- but with Castiel he just lay there, the warmth from the other's body making him feel at home for the first time since... no, he could not remember the last time he felt at home somewhere just because he was with someone else. Even when he had been close to Sam he had never considered a place to feel as safe as the motel bed did as he did that very moment as Castiel stayed next to him.

He hated to admit it, but he was enjoying the whole idea that Castiel had to sleep because he was still recovering. He hated the recovering bit of course, but he loved the fact that Castiel slept. It was a strange feeling for him as he ran his fingers through the angel's messy hair blue eyes flickered open and Dean smiled down at Castiel who looked up at him, his blue eyes at first startled but as soon as he saw it was Dean he seemed to relax back into Dean's waiting arms, his lips slightly curling at the edges as his eyes met Dean's. He was slowly recovering from Hell, becoming more like the old Castiel and less like the scared kitten he had been when he had first returned- well, he was on the surface anyway. Dean would pretend not to notice but he would see the small dash of fear in the angel's blue eyes as (for a second) he thought he was back in Hell. That second would break Dean's heart every time he smiled down at the angel and begged him to get better. There was no way on Earth he was ever going to allow Castiel to go back to Hell. He had sworn as much to himself a thousand times – he was ready to go back to Hell to protect Castiel and it was clear that Castiel was just as ready to back to Hell to protect Dean.

Over the last few days Dean had slowly been growing more and more concerned about how much time Castiel had left. Gabriel had taken Sam off to do some research about how to save Castiel- it had taken Sam several hours to convince Gabriel to let him go with him, having to pull out several blackmails. They had told Castiel nothing of it, knowing he would find a silent way to stop them. Dean hated not telling him, even thought it was for his own good. He moved closer to the angel who lay in his arms and gently kissed his lips, "Morning." He had to hold himself back from keeping the kiss going too long, Castiel was still fragile and he wanted him to feel safe. In the back of the mind he was considering what to do with his day, Sam and Gabriel were gone and it wasn't like they had any hunting to do. They had sixteen days left to find a way to find Castiel and close to no leads. He was scared, scared that they would leave it too close- that he would allow Castiel to be hurt. It scared Dean that he might not be able to save the angel- but there was a single, lone idea that he did not allow himself to consider. There was a single concept that he _could not_ think about. The idea was the one that maybe, just maybe, there was no way for him to save Cas and he was going to be dragged back into Hell for him and he would have to stand by helpless as he died. No, that idea was far too dark for even Dean's mind. It was the single thought he could not bear to allow into his mind for even a split second because the idea of loosing Cas? It broke his heart and it caused a gentle tremble to run through his long fingers. They only had sixteen days to save Castiel from the very Devil and he was scared.

Blue eyes kept on watching him as he slowly got to his feet, dragging Castiel with him. He knew exactly where he was going to take Castiel as his fingers entwined with the angel's fingers pulling him towards the door like an excited child. He was going to let his 'no chick-flick moments' rule go for a day, just a day, because he knew the only way to get Castiel to open up was to open up in return. He wasn't going to give up and he knew exactly the place he wanted to take Castiel. As the sun rose into the amber sky Dean grinned at Castiel who was staring at him confused, and then he drove to the place that many years later would be a place of sorrow and broken memories.

The trees grew tall around the foot path, each one old and its branches reaching over, shielding the parked car. There was a small lake about two minutes into the maze of trees; it reflected a bright orange from the sky that held a still waking sun. There was a swing hanging from a tree near the lake, its wood old a scratched and the rope that held it even older as it swung gently in the warm breeze. The grass was a dark green, short and long in different patches. Castiel glanced at Dean as if to ask how he knew of the place but the hunter just shrugged.

"Cas," Dean licked his dry lips as he glanced at the angel who seemed to already know what the topic of their little trip was. "I..." What was he going to say? The little monologue he had prepared in his head had disappeared and no words sprang to mind. "You know I'm not going to let you go back to Hell, don't you?" He half wanted to laugh when the angel tilted his head, he did not see the look in the other man's eyes as he started to talk again. If he did see it he chose not to register it. "I mean, I know you made a deal but there has to be a way around it." He still ignored the look in the angel's blue eyes that pleaded, begged him to stop talking when he was still ahead. He knew that what was going to be said would never be taken back and he had no way to stop it. The sky was slowly turning to a shade of light blue that matched Castiel's pleading eyes. The lake glittered gently and Dean kept on talking. "Castiel- you can fake with Sam and you can even fake with Gabriel but not with me. I know you Cas, I've known you all along and I know when you are pretending."

"_You can pretend all you like," Alastair whispered into his ear as the blade stabbed into him, deep into his very soul and he bit back a scream as his skin literally burnt away. "I know you, why you are here. Because of __**them**__ – that's why you are here." Castiel shut his eyes, he knew what came next. It was what always came next. "They don't care about you kid. They used you and now that you are useless they are going to dump you." The warm, burning breath was on his neck again. "I know you and I know Dean. He has never loved anyone but himself. He'd never love such a pathetic, excuse of an angel. I know you and I know you are just pretending that you don't know that soon you are going to be broken." The cold laugh made Castiel flinch. "I know him Angel and he won't love you when you're just another broken toy." _

The memory caused Castiel to shut his eyes for a second, grateful that Dean was looking away. He often had small flashes of what had happened – flashes of what he had lived through and what he was going to go back to. That was why he hated himself for letting Dean get close to him, because it was not fair on either of them. Castiel did not want to leave Dean, he wanted to stay with him forever but he was going to Hell forever to keep him safe. Alastair was right in some senses, he had known Dean would not view Castiel in the same way once he knew, but if Dean found out everything that had happened to him then he would no longer want Castiel. Why would he? He was weak.  
".... I know you're pretending not to be hurting." Dean looked back at the angel sadly, "I've been through this too remember? Not half as bad as you, I know that but I know that it's hard to adjust." Dean caught the angel's eyes in a strong gaze, "There's no way you're over Hell this quick."

"_You think you'll be able to just get over Hell?" Alastair tormented in a jolly tone, "You'll try, I'd be shocked if you did not try but after all- you only get a month break and then you are coming back down here." Castiel bit the tip of his tongue gently, to give himself focus on something that was not what Alastair was saying. "You will get a whole month to soften up- get used to the lack of pain. And then?" He clicked his fingers right next to Castiel's battered face which was slowly healing before his very eyes. "Then you come home and I get to break you all over again."_

"Please Cas," Dean wasn't going to give up. Castiel sent him another pleading look- he didn't want Dean say what he was going to say. He did not want him to continue speaking. "You trust me, don't you?" Castiel gave a sad nod. He trusted Dean with his very soul and that was why he was ready to protect the hunter. "Then trust me when I say I'll protect you." Castiel was silently begging him to stop talking; begging him not to say what came next. Not to make a promise he would have no choice but to break. "I won't let you go back Cas- at the risk of sounding like a wimp; I promise that I **will** keep you safe." Like that, the promise was spoken and Castiel felt his heart cry. There was no way around the deal, much like when Dean had made his deal. Even if there was, Castiel would never allow any of the others to put themselves in danger for him.

When Dean looked at the water with distant eyes Castiel felt his eyes drawn to a little blonde girl who swung on the swing with her blonde plat flying behind her and her pink dress glittering lightly. Black eyes looked at him coldly as the young face smirked. Behind the skin was the demon's soul, a soul he recognised from Hell. She kept on swinging as one hand moved as she placed a single finger over her lips to tell him not to warn Dean of her presence. Castiel watched as the hand (which had the drawing of a flower on it) moved back to the rope and she swung backwards before quickly going forwards, her eyes still watching him. Beneath the swing were sixteen dead irises, each one lying still and looking strange, out of place in the life that was everywhere else. He almost did not hear when Dean called his name, catching his attention from the demon who wore the face of a child.

"Cas," Dean watched as the angel looked away from the abandoned swing that swung loosely in the breeze, fresh grass tall beneath it. The swing would probably break if anyone did sit on it, he noted to himself before looking back at Castiel who suddenly looked pale. "You okay? You look tired." Dean watched the angel nod his head before running fingers through his messy hair. "Cas, stop pretending." Castiel avoided his gaze, choosing to look at a piece of grass with a small ladybug on it instead. The ladybug was small, smaller than usual and when it started to fly it chose to fly onto his palm, right in the middle for him to crush if he wished. He was bigger and stronger than it so he could have squashed it with ease; he could have ended its life without a second though like the demons had in a certain way to him. The little ladybug placed its life in his hands and he could take away if he so wished. It did not move when he flexed his fingers inwards before opening his hand again. The ladybug remained alive and it stayed still, letting him choose whether or not to let it stay alive. It was just a bug after all, it mattered to no one.  
"Cas-" Dean let out a sigh, "I know you can't, won't talk but _please_ don't treat me like I'm stupid." Blue eyes looked at him sadly. "I know you're not okay." Castiel swallowed before looking even deeper into Dean's eyes. "I know you won't speak but... can you show me?" Okay, Castiel had not been expecting that.

Castiel shook his head, ignoring the demon that sat next to them, her black eyes glittering. Dean couldn't see her but he could. "Go on angel boy." Her accent was French, and when she spoke she tilted her head like he often did.  
"Please Cas," Dean kept on talking, blissfully unaware of the demon girl who knelt next to them. "I did the mistake of not opening up with Sammy when I got back- it tore me up from the inside." Castiel wished he'd be silent. "Don't you trust me?" Of course he trusted Dean! He gave a stiff nod, ignoring the giggling from the demon.  
"Oh, come on!" She rolled her eyes, "Really?" Castiel resisted the urge to glare at her, for Dean's sake as much as his own.  
"You could, metaphorically speaking, show me if you wanted to, yeah?" Castiel nodded again and the demon lay on the grass, shaking her head.  
"Does he never give up?" The French accent was strong as she looked up at him like an eager child. The mean suit she wore made Castiel feel sick. The girl's parents were probably looking for their pretty little girl. They would never find her alive.  
"Then show me-" Dean kept the eye contact until Castiel looked back down at the ladybug. It slowly walked up his hand, towards his still fingers. "Please Cas, it's not good for you keeping of all this inside." Another pause. "For me?"Did he not see Castiel would do anything for him?

"_How far will you go for him?" Castiel knew the demon's name to be Malphas. "Are you ready to give him your soul?" Fingers ran over his shoulder and across his back. "He will use you and then?" The demon ruffled his hair. "Do you think that once he gets what he wants," fingers went deep into the stab wound on his back, "He will still want you?" Castiel looked into the deep red eyes and resisted the urge to pull away. "You know he won't, not after he finds out about everything that has and will happen here." Malphas grinned, showing sharp teeth before those very teeth sunk deep into Castiel's neck. Of course Dean would still care... wouldn't he?_

Castiel tried to ignore the demon who had inched closer, as he focused on the feeling of the ladybug on his hand. It would be easy to squash it... that in itself was a concept the old Castiel would never have considered. But he wasn't who he used to be- that much was clear. The old Castiel would never have considered taking the life of anything but a demon. It was an insect but it still lived and it had chosen to rest on his hand. He could feel it walk up his middle finger, trusting him not to kill it. When it flew he moved that hand and placed it on Dean's, slowly choosing the small snippets to show him. Dean wanted to know, so Dean would know. But he would keep it mild because hurting Dean was the last thing he wanted to do. Once the images were chosen he shut his eyes, an action imitated by Dean. Then he allowed the images to seep into Dean's mind.

"_Welcome to Hell Angel," Alastair grinned happily for the first time, but not the last. The dagger in his hand shone and for the first time it cut his skin, burning him like an acid. He glared at the demon as the dagger was twisted in his side, just where his ribs were. The sizzling was the only sound along with the distant screams of another soul who was slowly giving up in Hell._

_The first time Malphas tortured him Castiel had been frozen in fear. He had heard of the demon but he never seen him- he had hoped never to have to. "Oh, what have we here?" His hoarse voice was mocking. "Is it a little angel?" Castiel watched him, he appeared to hold no weapons as he skipped over to him, red eyes glittering. "Oh my... it really is!" His smile showed his teeth and as he moved his arms from behind his back Castiel saw the claws that belonged to a bird. Small, sharp teeth glittered just as brightly as his sharp claws did. That was why he did not need any form of weapon. Castiel's eyes widened just a little as the demon kept on smiling. "Well... I guess we should get to know each other. Don't you think angel boy?" Castiel had never had to fight so hard to stop himself from screaming. _

_The first time he saw Dean kill him his heart broke. He looked like the Dean he had fought to pull out of Hell, not the Dean he had returned to be. With each cut he would make a comment that Dean probably did say when he tortured souls in Hell. He would smile when Castiel's head became too heavy to keep up and he would laugh. "So weak... I'm disappointed Angel boy." And like that, Castiel remembered that he was just another illusion. It hurt but as he spat a mouthful of blood at him he showed no interest in the illusion. It was just another lie. _

Dean pulled back with a gasp. His eyes looked to where Castiel had been, which remained empty. Castiel had done his disappearing act, and Dean did not blame him for it. He probably would have wanted to disappear if he had been Castiel in that precise second. He had made Castiel re-live those moments and he had probably just made things worse.  
"Great going!" The demon whispered sarcastically before she also disappeared, a faint echo of what she had said fading. Dean never heard it as his phone gently rang in his pocket.  
"Hello?" He answered the phone quickly as he saw the number flash on the screen. "What? That's brilliant Gabriel.... Yes, I'll be at the hotel in ten. See you there." Behind a nearby tree, Castiel glanced at the three demons who watched him. His day was not getting any better.

* * *

So? I know, not my best but... ^_^ I tried!  
Please, if you read and liked review as a half-way treat for me. Please? Castiel is begging you too or the demons will REALLY hurt him!

**Love,  
J.**

_PS._ Sorry about any mistakes... I'm in a rush!


	11. Promise

**A/N: H**ey! Re-uploaded this chapter, got rid of a few mistakes and added 'SPN' at the page breaks. :)  
Hope you enjoy... again.

* * *

They were fast- Castiel gave them that much. They were too fast and too many for him to handle.  
The strongest one was far taller than Castiel, so as his fingers wrapped around the angel's neck and lifted him as if he was the weight of a small feather. The first two, he had managed to fight and silently send them back to Hell. The spell he had used had used up most of his remaining, yet weak, grace. He had nearly lost his balance after the light slipped away and the demon caught him by his swan neck. His heart paused as his feet stopped feeling the ground under his feet as he was pressed against a tree. No oxygen got to his tight lungs.

He could see the shadow that filled the body, the demon that looked back at him, ready to stop his heart. Castiel felt his fingers quickly move over the wood of the tree, not really noticing his flesh cutting from the sharp little splinters- his focus was on staying awake. The back of his head seemed to suddenly feel damp and he guessed it was from when he had been slammed into the tree. He was glad Dean was not there because if he was Castiel would not have been able to give his full in the fight. His fear of Dean being hurt would have stopped him.  
"Pretty little thing aren't you?" The demon's smile was... it was beyond _disturbing_. Black eyes trailed over Castiel, hungrily taking him in. "Just like He said you were." Castiel did not wish to know the He was but the demon did not pause as he moved his free hand to ruffle his hair in an action that reminded Castiel of Hell. His eyes widened as the demon tightened his grip and Castiel felt his heart struggling to keep beating. "Hell's waiting for you – I hear they have loads of plans for you." Hell... He was going back to Hell. He did not even get a month and he was going back. He half expected that when he shut his eyes he would slip back into Hell without even saying goodbye. He didn't want to leave Dean alone. He knew Gabriel had Sam and he knew (or rather, thought) that Dean would soon be over him he still wanted Dean safe. He needed to tell Dean to be strong, because the small amount of pain he would feel would not last forever.

He had never felt as pure relief as the moment the demon's grip loosened and he fell to the ground, a sharp blade shining gold through its throat. For a second Castiel believed it to be Dean who held the blade and had saved him- but as soon as the demon fell to the ground, its limbs twisted, he saw the real person who had saved him. It was not a human; he noted dully as he tried to breathe, that had saved him. The vessel she wore was identical to how she had once looked like when she was human, but beneath the flesh that had been made just for her the blackness hid. The dagger shone in her hands as she looked at the demon behind her and made eye contact. Castiel weakly noticed he could name both of the figures who had saved his life yet might take it any second. The man, who wore a long, black coat, was called Crowley. Castiel knew him to be the head of all deals, a demon that was incredibly powerful yet not really on either side. The female took him a second to name but he remembered her from the time Sam and Dean hated her. She had once been called Abby but he knew her to have later become Bela. He knew about her because he had once met her when she was a child desperately seeking an escape. The one she had found had caused her to become what she was.  
It broke the angel's heart.

"You okay there Angel-boy?" He flinched at the use of the nickname he had heard so many times in Hell, and as he flinched she almost appeared to feel guilty. "Oh..." She bit her lips as she looked at Crowley.  
"Its okay now- check the area for other demons or spies okay?" At her nod Crowley grinned before moving to kneel next to Castiel where she had been a second earlier. "You look worried Cast- I can call you Cas can't I?" Castiel's blue eyes widened as Crowley placed a finger under his chin like Alastair used to but he still gave a small nod. Crowley smirked as he moved so he was sitting next to the Angel who looked up at him like a scared puppy, gently trying to lift himself to sit yet found the lack of breath had caused his limbs to weaken so he could barely move. "I won't hurt you or any of the freaks you call your friends. I promise." Crowley watched the angel tilt his head in confusion before finally managing to sit up.

"I want to make a deal with you." Crowley watched pure amusement flow into the angel's baby blue eyes as he kept his head tilted in a sign of confusion. Crowley could not help but compare him to a small child who feared those around him yet at the same time was curious about them. Castiel blinked as his eyes focused on the demon's eyes which looked back, staring just as deeply. Both tried to work out what the other was thinking but neither could work out the true thoughts of the other and the next time Crowley spoke, Castiel's white teeth nipped his lip as each and every work sank into his chained soul. "We both know there is no way to save you from going back to Hell-" Crowley spoke gently as he kept watching Castiel (who, for his credit, also kept the gaze), "I'm sorry about that kid. _But_ I know you want Dean, Sammy and Gabe to be safe so I want to make you an offer." The head tilt from the angel increased and Crowley let his face be completely serious. "Once you return to Hell I'll keep an eye on them, make sure nobody hurt a hair on their pretty little heads." Crowley watched curiously as the angel leaned against the tree behind him; the lack of grace was obviously weakening him and causing human needs, like the need to sleep, to kick in. No matter how much Castiel tried to ignore them they kept slipping back. "I'll make sure nobody hurts them." Castiel gave Crowley a look that summarised the one question that hung in the sudden silence. Even the birds had fled and those who had remained watched in silence as yet another even which would forever change the future happened. Every living thing new that the next few moments would either completely condemn the angel Castiel to Hell once again or they would give him the key to free himself from the chains and climb to safety. There were only two options, but Castiel was the only one who did not know it.

The silent question echoed around them and every living creature took a deep breath in as they watched. _What do you want from me?_ Castiel knew his face must have showed the question. What could he give the demon? His soul was already condemned so what else did he have to give... oh. No, really, all Castiel could think was a single vowel word. Oh. It made sense, he guessed, but it still caused him to freeze as his eyes kept contact with the demon's eyes. Was he ready to pay the price to keep his friends and family safe? Was he ready to pay it again? "A single kiss. That's all it will take to keep them safe. Are you ready to do it?"

When he leaned in towards the demon, the answer was clear. When his lips met the demon's lips and his eyes shut he was surprised that there was only one tear that escaped and ran down his pale face. It felt selling his soul all over again and hurt just as much as the first time. The kiss broke his heart more than he had expected. It hurt but he answered the questions that had been asked just moments earlier was answered as he lost a bit of his grip on what made him the gentle Castiel. He slipped towards a change that could not be reversed and one he could not see a way of avoiding.  
Was he ready to pay the price to keep his friends and family safe? Yes.  
Was he ready to pay again? Yes. He was ready to go to Hell for them so as he detached himself he realised he would always be ready to protect them. Of course he was, he had to be and if he had to do _this _to keep them safe he would.  
He was ready and eight, black crows flew in a circle in the sky above them a child's voice sang ever so gently an old rhyme as it danced in the shadows of the tree, tears staining its glowing face. One more crow hid in the shadows, its gaze also golden. They counted as different numbers, eight and one. But as the song went on unheard the silence continued.

_One for sadness,  
two for mirth;  
Three for marriage,  
four for birth;  
Five for laughing,  
six for crying:  
Seven for sickness,  
eight for dying;  
Nine for silver,  
ten for gold;  
Eleven a secret that will never be told._

**_SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN_**

**15 days left**

**_SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN_**

Sam sat in the hotel room, glaring at the door that remained untouched for hours. Dean and Gabriel had left early in the morning, running off before Castiel could stop them from finding a way to stop them from finding a way to save him. Sam had no idea if he wanted Castiel to be saved or not, and as bad as it sounded he was leaning towards the no. Of course he cared about the angel- he cared greatly about Castiel but if it came to choice of him or his brother he would always choose Dean. Even if he wanted to, he saw no way to save Castiel. He saw no way to stop Lucifer from dragging him back to Hell. Maybe he could have seen a way if only he had looked deeper, but instead he glanced at the words on the page and when he didn't take in their meaning and shut the book he seemed to shut the door on hope.

He knew Dean was desperate to save Castiel and so was Gabriel. Castiel knew that they wanted to save him but Sam did not believe the angel knew how much they wanted him safe. What Castiel did know was how ready Sam was to **not** save him. He was grateful because it made it all that easier but at the same time it saddened him. If either Dean or Gabriel found out how little he wanted to save Castiel and how close he had been to saving the angel their hearts would break. Castiel did not want them to hurt, it was clear that all he wanted was for them to be happy. It was also clear (to him) that no matter how much it would sting at first they would soon forget him. Alastair had been right when he had said that much.

Sam paced around the room, fingers running through his hair. He wanted Castiel but he wanted his brother to be safe. He wanted Gabriel safe but he also wanted Gabriel happy and if Gabriel lost Castiel his heart would shatter just as much as Dean's would. It would, of course, hurt Sam but not half as much as it would hurt the other two men who had Castiel size footprints on their hearts. Sam had never seen Dean love anyone as much as Dean clearly loved Castiel as he took the other man's hand in his own for a single second. So, of course Sam wanted Castiel not to be hurt. But he **could** see the logic in Castiel's deal to keep Dean's soul safe. He could see that if he halted the other two men from saving the angel for another month Dean would be safe.  
When had he become so cold anyway? He could find a line connecting to when Dean went to Hell and that linked to his first sip of demon blood that had changed him forever. But he never considered letting a friend (or anyone for that matter) go to Hell. He would never have considered himself capable and he hated himself for it but he had always hero-worshipped Dean so when it came to a choice between Dean and Castiel he knew who he was going to choose. It hurt but it was always a clear choice.

Blood was always stronger than anything.  
That had been the case with Ruby and it was the case with Dean. Different times but it was still all about blood.

The next time Sam turned to the door he saw the lone figure stand there. Castiel stood still, his head rested against the wall and he watched Sam sadly, guessing correctly what was going on in Sam's mind. A single, lone piece of grass remained in his hair but apart from that there was nothing about the angel that looked unusual. His blue eyes watched yet he registered little. Sam's lips curved into a smile they both knew to be fake and only the sound of flapping wings in the distance filled the silence that trapped Castiel. A silence he couldn't escape. On the edge of the open window a single crow flew high into the sky and lingered over the room they stood in. It lingered gently and a young boy who saw it from afar would later say it glowed. Nobody will ever believe him.

The phone that lay on Sam's bed flashed for a single second and Sam gladly took the distraction. He couldn't look the angel straight in the eyes. He wanted to (really) but he could not keep any form of gaze. He was glad he didn't have to talk to him... No. That was a nasty thought even for him. Sam's wasn't that bad yet. Yet.  
_Don't think about it_, Lucifer's voice whispered in Sam's ear. _You still have a while then you will be just like me- you'll say yes before you know it. _Sam continued moving and as his fingers felt the metal he scolded himself for listening to Lucifer. He could resist if he stayed strong. He had to. The voice message was new and just another under the name 'Dean'.

"_Sammy boy, it's Dean." _There was the sound of him parking the Impala. "_Gabriel and I need you and Castiel to the address I texted to you. Hurry-"_ There was the sound of Gabriel yelling something. _"It's __**very**__ important."_ Bitter amusement was hidden under Dean's devil may care tone, but Sam gave no attention to it. _"Get my angel to drop you off- but do get a move on. Thanks."_ Sam let out a sigh, glad to finally be able to get out of the room. He did not register the fact that if Gabriel and Dean where at the address that had been texted to him they would not have been able to take the Impala. It was way too short of a time for them to get to England with the car. But nothing registered but the fact he had a distraction from his guilt. He had an escape and he was ready to grab it with both hands. Castiel sadly watched Sam breathe out in relief. He just kept telling himself it did not hurt- the hope he might believe it someday remained. It was a false hope but he did not care. Any hope was fine for him and he was happy with that. He needed any hope he could get because in fifteen days he knew he would die and his soul would be dragged to Hell. He was scared but the silence drowned out his cries for help.

"We have to go," Sam told him as he popped the phone in his pocket, "Dean and Gabriel need us." Castiel gave a small nod and Sam grabbed his rucksack of belongings before looking the angel straight in the eye. He had to keep himself together. "You okay to pop us there?" Another, less steady, nod came from the other man. "Great." When Castiel placed his hand on Sam's shoulder with gentleness only he could have Sam wanted to cry. He wanted to save the angel but he wanted his brother to be safe. He had an impossible choice to make- no. It was not impossible, it was just incredibly hard. Because, in the end there was no other choice for Sam.  
Nothing was stronger than blood.

**_SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN_**

Crowley had never hated Lucifer more. As he glared at the fallen angel he wander what the point of everything had been- why he had been forced to do what he had. Crowley had never cared about a soul so much before but Castiel was different. Even after his first little trip to Hell is soul was still a beautiful snow white that was just a little darker at the edges. The darkness had not been there before he had first gone to Hell and Crowley knew Lucifer intended on making the darkness grow. Lucifer intended the white beauty of the snow to become dark like his own. He intended to rip Castiel's innocence- his purity- from him and make him into a weapon. Crowley could see who (what) Castiel could be and it scared him. If Castiel did become what Lucifer wanted then Lucifer would win the war with his eyes shut. Because if Castiel changed there would be no hope left for the Earth and the small, innocent people who even in their wrongs held such potential.

Crowley knew what potential Castiel held, he was God's last creation. All the remaining energy and power God had after making the world had gone into him and nobody knew it. It was a wonder that Michael had not chased after him earlier when he was still a faithful, obedient pup. Crowley could see the gentleness of being the youngest and the pure love that filled Castiel but he could also see the darkness. The darkness was darker than night and it would only take a few choices to make Castiel become what Lucifer wanted. Lucifer wanted his baby brother to be the greatest weapon yet and Lucifer always got what he wanted. He would not stop even if it meant sending his baby brother to Hell. He did not care and that was another thing that scared Crowley. The moment Lucifer got rid of humans he would get rid of the next thing near to humans- demons.

"You did well." Lucifer leaned to the side, his vessel's head tilted gently to one side. When Crowley did not respond he chuckled. "Still against this plan?"  
"I have no say on the matter," Crowley breathed out, anger filling him. He did not want to help the insane child before him- the temper tantrum had been going on for far too long for his opinion and it was going to get worst. All Crowley wanted to do was help the young angel who was to become Lucifer's weapon if he wanted it or not.  
"Good answer-" Lucifer nodded, "Make sure to keep it that way." Crowley _really_ had to fight to not punch the smug face before him. He just had to wait till the Devil left and when he did Crowley would think. He could not disobey the Devil's direct orders but Bela could. Neither of them wanted the angel to return to Hell. They both knew what it was like to finally break. Neither wanted to see the pure child before them break.

They weren't going to let him break.  
Nothing was stronger than mercy.

**_SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN_**

In England Castiel stepped into the old abandoned house and a bright orange flame surrounded him. Sadly he couldn't even yell for Sam to run – even if he had his voice he couldn't have. He was frozen with fear as he saw the demon step towards him, dagger in hand. In that moment his heart seemed to stop.

Nothing was stronger than fear.

* * *

I've changed my mind, a minimum of two reviews. Just two? Please? My muse is hungry and please comment with the answer to one question: In this story, who should kill another main character? *No clues*  
1. Lucifer  
2. Michael  
3. Alastair  
4. Bela  
or  
5. Iris

**Love,  
J.**

Ps: _Kryspen _told me corectly what the crow means so they get a prize!  
Would you rather a video of any fandom and pairing of your choice, a fanfiction (again, all of your choice and mad idea) or something else? Please have mercy on me! :D


	12. One missed call

**A/N: H**ey! Thanks for the reviews, I love all of you! Wait... was that too direct?  
Haha... I hope you like this chapter! The next chapter I upload is going to be my favourite! Along with the last one, both have been written! :D  
Enjoy...

* * *

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

___**14 days left.**_

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean had no idea what made him more furious. The fact he had to leave his dear Impala behind, the fact he lost all contact with his brother and Castiel or the fact the witch they had gone to see was barely speaking. The little she did speak was in Italian so the little chances he had of understanding were gone- Gabriel, on the other hand, had no problem understanding and the little she did say seemed to aggravate him.  
"Lo so signora," He growled, "Il mio fratello non a il tempo per questo!"  
"Devi aspettare caro," the witch smiled. "Un altro jorno. Quello e tutto." She kept her smile calm but Dean still resisted the urge to run from her. She might be able to save Castiel so even if she asked him to dance in a tutu he'd say yes.  
"Perfavore," Gabriel pleaded, "Il mio piccolo fratello sara morto in due semane!" His tone was panicked as he tried to deal with the old witch. She gave a small breath out before indicating for him to sit.  
"Ascoltami piccolo angelo," She smiled, "Ti aiuto – in un secondo." She wandered off into the next room, gray hair flowing around her.

"What did she say?" Dean asked innocently, "Is she going to help yet?"  
"Yes- she is." The old witch's voice laughed as she walked slowly back into the room, "I'll help you save the angel you speak of." She gave him a small smile, as she walked back in and sat on the ground in-front of Dean. She had long white hair, wrinkles covered her skin and her eyes were wide and brown, darting from one place to another like an alert mouse. Dean flinched as she took his hand. "You have two options: Save him or to leave him." She tilted her head, "I can show you what will happen so you can stop it but you must know by the thirtieth day a large prize is to be paid and a choice is to be made." Dean looked over to Gabriel and was surprised to see the witch had also taken one of his hands. "Are you sure you wish to do this?"  
"Yes." He was sure- he needed to know. But, when the images flooded his mind like poison he found they were nothing like he had been expecting. They were like a movie trailer, quick and they each told a story.

_The first flash was of Lucifer, who was standing with a metal sword in his hand. The sword was covered by ruby red blood and splatters of the same blood stained his skin. He was looking down, at whoever the sword had killed. His face was twisted and dark as he took a small step back. He said something yet Dean did not catch it as the Devil dropped the sword onto the floor and looked up, towards the voice that had been in the background up till that moment. Dean recognised it as his own voice as he tried to make out what he was saying. It was a name, but what name it was he was not sure._

_The second flash was just as fast. There was a tall man with a small dagger. The man was holding a woman with brown hair down, trying to bring the knife down. The woman looked like a woman Dean used to know- from the quick flash of her she looked just like Bela. Dean didn't need to look at the man long to work out who he was. Alastair. The flash ended with the knife stabbing Bela in the chest._

_The third flash was of Castiel, hanging off a building, barely holding on to Sam's hand. If he fell he would die. Sam was screaming to hold on and Castiel was trying, desperately trying not to let his fingers let go of Sam's. He was trying but he was failing- their hands were both too slippery as Castiel tried to pull himself up without hurting Sam. He was failing and as he bit his lip and pushed himself up Sam pulled with all his strength. The sky was a dark amber behind them and the sun was setting.  
"Hold on!" Sam yelled just as another figure walked up behind them. By the time Sam saw him Castiel was up and as the two men set their eyes on the new man they both froze. It was Lucifer. _

_The fourth flash was the one that hurt the angel and the hunter the most. Castiel was lying dead on the floor, a single wound on his stomach. It was the right size to have been made by an archangel sword. His eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted. Splatters of blood covered the figure who stood over him. Lucifer was looking down at Castiel sadly. Dean was being held back by two demons and the situation was the same for Sam. Gabriel was on his knees in the middle of a circle of flames. They were all trapped as Dean caught sight of his watch. It was one minuet in the morning of the next month. They had failed and as Lucifer chucked his weapon onto the ground Dean's heart broke. Castiel's eyes remained open, staring at nothing and black wings were drawn on the ground he lay on behind him. The innocence and life that usually covered his face were gone and nothing replaced them. The Dean of the vision got out of the demon's grips before running over to Castiel, only to pull him into his arms.  
"Cas?" The whisper was small and broken as he cradled the body against his own, the angel's blood getting all over him. "No... Please..." The vision faded with Dean holding Castiel tightly in his arms. The room was silent as Lucifer disappeared and Castiel simply lay. Dead. If they failed that was what was going to happen. Castiel was going to die in a dump by the hands of his own brother. Castiel was going to die on the dirty floor, silently and sadly. Dean's heart and soul were going to shatter. That was what was going to happen if they did not stop the upcoming events from happening. _

_The final, fifth flash was of when Castiel was still alive, sitting on a patch of grass. Castiel was listening to a man in a black coat, his eyes carefully observing and his back rested against a tree. The man in black did not look threatening but Castiel still looked weary.  
"Crowley." Gabriel told Dean, making him jump. He had forgotten the angel was also watching the visions with him. "He's the demon in charge of all deals." Dean gave a small nod before looking back at Castiel. Why was Castiel looking so weak? Had the demon done something to him?  
__"I want to make a deal with you." Crowley said, watching Castiel just as carefully as Castiel looked t him. Amazement filled Castiel's eyes as he tried to push himself up. "We both know there is no way to save you from going back to Hell-" Crowley spoke gently as he kept watching Castiel (who, for his credit, also kept the gaze), "I'm sorry about that kid. But I know you want Dean, Sammy and Gabe to be safe so I want to make you an offer." The head tilt from the angel increased and Crowley let his face be completely serious. "Once you return to Hell I'll keep an eye on them, make sure nobody hurts a hair on their pretty little heads." Crowley watched curiously as the angel leaned against the tree behind him. "I'll make sure nobody hurts them." Dean kept on watching as Castiel seemed to think, his eyes never leaving the demon. Then- the angel froze. The answer to whatever he had been wandering hit him like a train.  
"A single kiss. That's all it will take to keep them safe. Are you ready to do it?" Dean looked at Gabriel and was sure that the shock on his face was reflected on his own face. Not another deal- Castiel couldn't be making another deal. It was ridiculous... especially seeing that it was for them once again. Dean hoped Castiel would shake his head and walk away but what Castiel did next was the opposite. _

_The young angel leaned towards the demon, before gently kissing him. Dean found himself unable to move and Gabriel looked away. As a single, diamond tear rolled down Castiel's face Dean wanted to scream. Castiel was hurting himself again just to protect him, Gabriel and even Sam. Dean knew how Castiel had never really liked Sam but he was sacrificing himself for him as well. Castiel was hurting himself again just because he wanted them to be safe. Why did it always have to be Castiel? What had he ever done wrong? The vision faded with Castiel still kissing the demon. _

"Some things cannot be changed." That was the first thing the witch said carefully as she let go of the two man's hands. "Those that can may not always change things for the best if they do change them at all." Her eyes glued on Gabriel for a second, "Are you ready to risk your brother for this cause?" Gabriel swallowed nervously before nodding. "And you, are you ready to put little Sammy at risk?" Dean paused for a second. Was he ready to loose his brother? No. Was he ready to nearly loose his brother? It depended if it hurt him. "See? Already choices have been made. Not everyone wants to save Castiel and he knows it. He's ready to give himself anyway. Does that not say anything?"  
"The last vision- when..." Dean couldn't help but ask. "When will that happen?"  
"It has already happened." The witch looked sadly into his eyes. "That angel has already given a lot to save you guys. To keep you safe. What happens next is up to you. His life is in both of your hands. Will you save him?" Next thing Gabriel knew Dean stormed out of the house, leaving the witch to shake her head. "You should follow him. He isn't on the right path yet." Gabriel walked out without a single word.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean was leaning against a tree when Gabriel found him, his eyes full of tears he was trying not to let fall.  
"I'd ask you if you were okay but that would be a stupid question, wouldn't it?" Gabriel stood near Dean but not too close. He knew Dean wanted his space- what he did not understand was why Dean was laughing. The laugh was bitter and cold as he ran his long fingers through his hair. When was the last time Dean had slept anyway? "What's so funny?"  
"This. This whole situation is fucking ridiculous." Dean slammed his head back, hitting the wood of the tree. "Castiel, innocent, sweet Castiel is going to go to Hell- for the _second_ time. Why? To protect us- he's barely lived and going to go to Hell for another hundred years. That's what is so fucking funny. Don't you find it funny?" Dean pressed his face into his hands, trying desperately to think.  
"Ironic, yes. Unfair, yes. Cruel, yes. Funny? No, not really." Gabriel watched Dean face away from him, trying to hide the fact the tears he had been trying to contain had escaped. "Do you want to know what the only thing keeping me going is?"  
The first, honest chuckle left Dean's lips. "Candy?"  
"No. What's keeping me going is the fact that we are going to do **everything** in our power to stop those visions from happening. We aren't going to let demons get their paws on Sam or Castiel. Are we?" Dean shook his head just as Gabriel's trademark grin returned. "Good. Call Sam and tell him we'll be back soon. They're probably worried. It's not like you to just disappear."

Dean turned his phone on with a ton of misplaced dread. Why was he dreading turning the phone on he had no idea. The first thing he noticed when his phone eventually turned on was the fact he had one missed call. The second thing he noticed was that it was from Sam. The voicemail explained why he had the feeling of dream.  
"_Hey Dean. Emmmm... we've got to the address you left me as a message-_" Sam quickly said the address, "_Where are you? We've looked around and we can't find you._" There was the sound of smashing in the background before Sam called out for Castiel. "_Just... hurry._"  
"Crap." Dean swallowed as he looked up at Gabriel, "You know what you just said?" Gabriel nodded. "Well, I think Sam just walked himself and Castiel into a trap."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

The moment Gabriel and Dean left the witch slowly walked over to the fireplace, which only a second earlier had been empty. As she looked at it flames filled it. "I told them and showed them what you wanted. Now, return my son like you promised." The glow of the fire surrounded her like the light from the sky had surrounded Jimmy the moment he had said yes to being a vessel. "What do you mean no? You promised!" The glow got brighter and brighter. "My son..." The witch was unable to continue as her words turned to a scream of agony. The light was at its brightest and her eyes were slowly being burnt away. She had believed angels to be kind- especially this angel but as she hit the ground she knew she had been wrong. Angels were the reason she died and they had taken her son. She had no idea how bad things were going to get for other humans.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

The address Sam had told Dean led to a small, abandoned house in England. The windows were boarded up and the door was slightly open from what Dean had guessed was Sam getting him and Castiel in. The grass outside and nearby the house was brown and dead, even the trees were dead as they stood unmoving. There wasn't even the slightest breeze to shift their heavy branches. Dean could easily tell that Sam and Castiel were the first visitors in a long time.

"Who do you think is in there?" Dean was furious with his brother. After everything he _still_ put himself at risk and dragged Castiel with him. It was ridiculous. Completely and utterly ridiculous.  
"Demons- a few I'd say." Gabriel told him, "Let's just hope my dear big brother isn't in there."  
"You think there's a chance of Lucifer being here?"  
"Hell yeah."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Castiel was tied down by so many ropes it was ridiculous. There was one for each wrist, one for each ankle, one around his waist and even one around his neck. All of the ropes were tight and were attached to the chair he had been forced to sit on. Sam was still unconscious on the floor and the bloody Castiel envied him for it. He had been the demon's punch bag most of the night and just listening to what the demons wanted to do made him furious at Sam for taking him there. He guessed Sam had taken him there so he could just get rid off him. Nobody wanted such an excuse of an angel around. Especially not one who would be going back to Hell for the second time in 14 days. He had two weeks and then he was going to have to go back. He was going to have to go back for another hundred years to protect the man he loved.

Alastair had not said much after he knocked Sam out with a piece of old wood. He had grinned and walked over to him, looking much like the monster he was. He scared Castiel half to death and there was no way to get away. If he was scared when it was just Alastair he was beyond scared when yet another face which showed the cruelness hidden within arrived. Lucifer got there just as Sam hit the ground, leaving Castiel with the two men he feared. He had two weeks left- surely they weren't going to take him back early. Lucifer had promised he had one month.

But it certainly wasn't the first time Lucifer broke his promise. When Castiel had been small and unable to fly Lucifer had made a promise. He had made a promise that not long after he would break. He made a promise Castiel had believed to be true.

_Castiel was the baby angel. He was the one everyone had to protect and he was already special. Lucifer knew that as he watched Gabriel try to teach him to fly. He was so small yet one day, when he grew, he was going to be special. Lucifer wasn't sure how but he knew it to be true.  
"Maybe it's enough for today." Gabriel ruffled Castiel's hair, causing the little angel to pull away. Both of the angels held more emotion than the average angel had. They were both lead by their emotions.  
"Do we have to? I can't fly yet." Castiel looked up pleadingly at Gabriel who rolled his hazel eyes. Even as an angel with no vessel he had big hazel eyes.  
"Yes- I have places to go." Gabriel watched Castiel's shoulders sink. "I'm sure Michael will help you."  
"No!" Castiel shook his head quickly. "Michael doesn't like me- he'll push me down to see what happens. Again." That was another thing Lucifer knew to be true. Michael had always disliked the little angel.  
"I'll teach him." Lucifer was surprised as he got to his feet, "You're going to be late." Gabriel was already late as he flew off to his appointment.  
"Thank you Lucifer." Castiel looked up at his favourite big brother with a small smile. As much as he liked Gabriel he had always been closest to Lucifer. _

"_You're welcome Cas." Lucifer walked over to him, "You know I'm always here for my favourite little brother. I'm not going to let you get hurt." The silent 'unlike Michael' echoed.  
"I know Lucifer." Castiel nodded, "I trust you." _

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

When Castiel thought back, he knew he had always cared about Lucifer more than any of his other brothers or sister. Sure, he loved Gabriel but he had always been too much to handle for Castiel. Uriel had been a close friend (as close as friends who try to kill you can be). Anna had been... complicated. Michael and him had never seen eyes to eyes- Michael had always had a large dislike of the younger angel. Lucifer was the only one he had been close to up until the point he had fallen. Until Lucifer left him to become like the other angels. Lucifer had left him and he was going to make him go back to Hell. What a fabulous family, Castiel thought drily.

When Dean arrived with Gabriel the demons pounced. Gabriel had been chucked into the nearby wall, falling next to Sam. Dean had not been hurt, but his path to Castiel was blocked. Castiel's widened as Lucifer walked up behind Dean. By the time Dean spun around, following Castiel's gaze, Lucifer placed a single hand on Dean's shoulder just before a bright, white light filled the room.

When the light disappeared Dean no longer stood there.

* * *

So? Good? Bad? Did you like it? :) Not my favourite but... :)  
Let me know your views!

**Love,**  
**J.**


	13. The future is a BAD place to be

**A/N: H**ey! Okay, for Chapter 13 I wanted to do something new... I wanted to celebrate we only have _seven_ chapters left before my favourite EVER chapter! :) Thank you to all who have reviewed so far- I was up all night re-doing this chapter as I didn't like many parts of it. This chapter contains a little bit of gore... and violence. And swearing. And murder. And just me scaring different characters. :D  
I hope you all like!

* * *

Dean's eyes had never felt so heavy as he struggled to open them. His head was spinning as he pressed his hands on the cold sheets to push himself up but found his arms were chained above his head and the chains that kept him still seemed to be pretty tight. Actually they seemed to be exactly his size. Wait... he paused to focus his eyes on the silver chain that fitted far too closely- they _were_ exactly his size. How had he gotten to a bedroom (chained) anyway? Last thing he remembered was the pain on his shoulder as he tried to get to Sam and Castiel. Had one of the demons jumped him? He had been sure nobody was behind him but there was a chance... if it had been demons why had they not killed him?

He ignored the thousand questions that filled his mind and looked around the room. The wallpaper was a dirty yellow, gently peeling off the old concrete walls that were covered in cracks. The floor seemed to be a lime green, but they were so dirty it was hard to tell. There were two queen beds; he was chained to the further one which lay next to a window that was covered in wood. It must have been covered for years, Dean decided as he looked at the rusty nails and the rotting wood. In-between the two beds was a small table with a candle on it- the only light in the old room. Far away from him, on the other side of the room, was a desk with another white candle on it and a girl sat on the chair next to the desk without much interest as she played with the necklace that hung around her slim white neck. Her brown (Dean thought it was brown, it was too dark to tell) hair was long, held up in a tight, high ponytail and she wore a plain black top with long sleeved and a high neck. Her trousers were also black and her boots seemed to be a dark leather. All he could see of her necklace was a silver chain that was mainly hidden under her top. She couldn't be more than fifteen.

"Hello," She said plainly as she turned to look at him, her face blank of any emotion. "You've finally woken up then.  
"Hey-" Dean chocked slightly, the dust causing him to sneeze, "Mind telling me who you are and where I am?" He meant to sound threatening but he simply sounded like he had a sore throat. The girl tilted her head before pushing herself up, her necklace dangling over the neck of her top. It was a silver heart with eleven little white stones on it. It looked old, Dean noted casually as she moved to the door before there was even was a knock.  
"You," She said closing the door and walking over to him with a glass of water, "Are in no position to make demands." She placed the glass next to his lips and he took a grateful gulp. He felt like he hadn't had a drink in weeks. "I, on the other hand, am." She moved the glass onto the little table before sitting on the other bed that let out a squeak. "What are you?"  
Dean felt curiosity wash over him as the girl continued to watch him with blue eyes that glittered in the dim light much like Castiel's did. "What am I? I'm a human- well, a hunter." The words slipped out of his lips before he could stop them. He felt like he would not have been able to lie even if he wanted to. "Was... was something in that drink?" He asked as he swallowed, nervously looking at the cold girl. Was she a demon?  
"Yes, a truth serum." She still showed no emotion, "Don't worry, it will only last a few minutes. What is your name?"  
"Dean Winchester," He tried to bite the name back yet it slipped out like his first answer had. He scolded himself for drinking in the first place.  
"Okay..." The girl nodded, her ponytail swinging, "What year is it Winchester?"  
Dean suddenly felt the dread he had been feeling grow, why did she want to know what year it was? "2010." He looked at her and noticed that for the first time her mask slipped for a single second. She looked _surprised_ by his answer.  
"2010?" She asked and he nodded, "Interesting. Tell me, what's the last thing you remember?"  
"Demons taking my brother and my..." He stopped himself from saying 'lover' or 'boyfriend' and settled on, "Castiel."

Next thing Dean knew the girl got to her feet, the small heels clicking on the floor. There was a fluttering of wings (all too familiar) before there was a third figure standing in the room. It was clearly a male, Dean decided as he stared at the figure in the shadows. The man wore ripped jeans, walking boots and a plain, faded black top which had a few, white words on it. It took a second for the messy, dirty blonde hair and dark eyes to sink in and when it did Dean froze. "Gabriel?" He asked the man numbly as the man, who really was identical to Gabriel, turned to the girl.  
"Dawn can you go and get Jessica? I think she was looking for you." Gabriel's voice was exactly the same as Dean remembered him apart from the seriousness that filled it. He seemed so much older as he spoke to the girl- Dawn gave a nod before walking to the door without a second glance to Dean.  
"What do I do if she asks for her aunt?" Dawn asked as she opened the door. Dean could see on the dusty mirror the reflection of a dark corridor on the other side. It was almost too dark for it to be natural.  
"Tell her... tell she will be home soon." Dawn nodded at Gabriel's response before closing the door behind her.  
"Gabriel?" Dean asked again as the angel undid the chain and helped Dean to sit up. "What's happening?"  
"Would you believe me if I told you that you're in the future?" Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair and Dean gave a small, weak nod as he silently swore. _Not again._

Outside the building he had been kept in was... Dean had never seen anything like it. It was dark- but not a natural dark. The ground was covered in bodies- every inch of the town in ruins. Few building still stood and even those that did stand looked like they were about to fall. Cars were smashed everywhere, only a single green van was in one piece and it looked odd compared to everything else. No wonder Dawn was wearing black- it was the perfect camouflage. Dean looked up at the sky but he could only see two stars in the middle of the thick, black smoke that covered everything. Each of the bodies had open lips- many of them were young, their eyes burnt out. It had not been demons that had killed the humans that Dean looked down at.  
"The angels did this," Gabriel said as if he had been reading Dean's mind, "About two weeks ago- that's why there's that smell." Dean looked at him with wide eyes and Gabriel shrugged, "Some of them were vessels – host or whatever you want to call them. This is a mild area compared to some other places." Dean still found he could not answer as he saw the body of a little boy lying next to body of a pregnant woman, his little hand still holding her hand. When Dean finally looked away he saw a small little girl walking with Dawn, not looking at all affected as she kept her fingers entwined with the older girl's fingers. When Dawn to paused to look at the boy Dean had been looking at she almost looked sad, but Dean guessed the girl with haunted blue eyes had seen a lot worse.

"The demons will be returning soon," She said as she picked the little girl up, "We should go."  
"What about Becky and Chuck?" Gabriel took the small girl out of Dawn's arms.  
"They went back with Lilly." Dawn bit her lip, "Very few of us made it after the attack. They took Leo and I think John was with them when they left. Jessica wanted to be with us so they waited for me to go and get her off them before leaving."  
Gabriel seemed to pause before pulling his car keys out, "What about Minnie?"  
Dawn walked closer before pulling her fingers through the girl's hair, she simply shook her head. Her blue eyes looked up at him like a child seeking guidance before she took the keys, "I'll drive. Jess needs a cuddle." Dean looked at the two before trying to work out what was happening. The little girl looked like Sam yet at the same time she looked like Gabriel. She had Gabriel's hair which was cut short and she had Sam's eyes. She was fairly tall for her age. The moment she saw Dean she whimpered and pressed her face deep in Gabriel's neck. "She doesn't like you." Dawn smirked before walking towards the car, giving a final glance at Dean through dark lashes. Her necklace shone as did her eyes from the dim light from the headlights of the car.

The moment they got in the car it felt strange. The windows were tinted black and the inside of the car had weapons hidden (or, more precisely, stored) in every corner. The chairs were old on worn and the seatbelts seemed like they were about to snap. Dawn was just about the right height to drive the car. She waited till Gabriel and Jessica were strapped in at the front before she pressed the accelerator and quickly sped off, bodies crunching under the heavy tires. Dean was only able to look out of the window for a few minutes before the sight made him look away. The bodies were everywhere, he was sure he had seen a man (or what remained of a man) in a tree. There were bodies of all ages, the red of their blood the only colour in the darkness. Outside the car there was no movement- it was all a deadly still of crunching.  
"Five billion, nine hundred thousand dead." Gabriel told him, still cuddling the little girl who was peeking up at Dean over his shoulder. "Most of the rest are either possessed or vessels. There are five remaining refugee camps in the entire world- we are the largest. The total amount of people in these five camps is one hundred."  
"One hundred and one actually," Dawn added without looking away from the road, "Minnie gave birth to twins. They've called them Joy and Hope." She laughed bitterly. She half reminded Dean of the future Castiel he had met on his first trip to the future. Dried up and dead inside.  
Gabriel smiled, "Poor kids." Silence swallowed them up as Dean listened to the sound of his racing heart. Only one hundred and one people left... the war had killed five billion and nine hundred thousand people were dead and they were talking about it as if they were talking about the weather or what to have for tea. The little girl looked out of the windows and there was close to no emotion on her small features. She was nearly as cold as Dawn but Dean guessed she would be just as cold when she grew up in-between the destruction he had seen so far. He could no longer look out of the window because he knew, if he did, he would be sick.

The drive was silent after a while as they sped through trees, not even the smallest tweeting of a bird filled the air. The only sound was their breathing, each one calm apart from Dean's that had a note to panic to it as he shut his eyes and tried not to see the bodies in his mind. He wanted Cas- Castiel would have been able to make him feel better. But the feeling he had before Castiel arrived- the feeling that told him Castiel was near- seemed to be gone. He usually knew when Castiel was close but where that feeling usually was an empty hole and deep down he knew that in this version of the future there was no Castiel for him to feel. How could that be? He and Gabriel should have been able to find a way around the deal- how could they not find a way around the deal? The car parked as he tried to work out why on Earth he would allow Castiel to go back to Hell. He tried scolding himself and telling himself that he was being stupid but deep down the emptiness he knew from when Castiel had been in Hell the first time. He felt so empty it hurt and as he opened the door and stepped out of the car his nails cut deeper into his skin as he watched the future Gabriel whisper something to Dawn.  
"Are you sure?" She looked up at him for a second before her eyes flickered to Dean, "Is it a good idea?"  
"No, it's an awful idea." Gabriel shrugged as he passed Jessica back to Dawn. "But it's all we've got." Dawn spun around quickly as she walked towards the small camp, her hair floating from side to side in the wind. Her blue eyes were as hard as ever but as she gave Gabriel a worried glance she almost looked her age. Almost.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean was lead to a small bungalow- the moment they reached the door Gabriel paused for a second. "I'm sorry about this but you need to see this." When he opened the door Dean stepped into the large, white room... and his heart froze at the sight of the still body hooked up to far too many machines. There was one to keep his heart beating, one to check everything was working, one for fluids... It seemed every machine possible was attached to the man. Dean gently whispered his name.  
"_Sam_..."

"What happened to him?" His baby brother was comatose... Dean barely managed to splutter the words out. Sam looked awful- he was far too skinny and there was no colour on his face.  
"He was Lucifer's vessel for a month," Gabriel moved towards Sam and sat next to him, pulling one of his hands into his own. "We thought that he could contain Lucifer and go through with the plan. He nearly killed me before he caught control of his body again. The battle inside was too strong and neither won. Sam became like this."  
Dean watched Gabriel stroke the side of Sam's face before he asked the next question that sprung to his mind. "So why are the still so many demons out there? Why all the destruction?"  
"I said we caught Lucifer – I never said nobody took his place."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean had no idea what to say next. "Who?"  
"I can't tell you that, Dean." Gabriel sighed, "It might change some things that shouldn't be changed and some things can't be changed even if we try."  
Dean nodded, "Where am I then? I haven't seen future me." At look on Gabriel's face he guessed whatever he was going to say next was bad.  
"You should ask Michael that- last I saw you, you yelled yes before becoming my other brother's new suit. Lucifer trapped both of you somewhere." Gabriel spoke sadly as his thumb kept rubbing Sam's hand.  
"Great." Dean shook his head. "What else has happened? Where's Cas?"  
Gabriel froze at the use of the name. "Castiel returned to Hell and he... Castiel was no longer Cas when he came back." Gabriel slowly got up, "He wasn't anyone who would be described as anything but evil."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean had drowned as much as he could yet he couldn't forget Gabriel's words. He couldn't forget the sound of the bodies crunching under the car and Sam's limp body. He couldn't stop seeing the haunted look that resided in even the little girl's eyes.  
"Can I sit here?" Dawn's voice was gentle, yet it still made Dean jump. When he looked up she stood there with two bowls of soup in her hands. Her eyes did not contain the hate they had earlier. When he nodded she sat on the ground next to him in front of the fire.  
"Can I ask you a question?" When she asked him the question she stared right into the fire, looking as if she was afraid he would say no. Whatever she was going to ask was something she thought he wouldn't like- Dean dreaded it yet he wanted a chance to work out what was going on in the girl's mind.  
"Yeah." He took a sip of the tomato soup before watching her twist her upper body to look back at him.  
"What's the Castiel of your time like?"

Okay. Dean had _not_ been expecting that. He blinked as Dawn kept on staring. "Please? I'll answer any question about the future you want. I promise." She kept staring up at him, "I've lost people too you know. At least you have a chance to save them."  
"Cas is... he's..." How was Castiel? "He's kind. He's the kind of person, angel or whatever who will sacrifice themselves for anyone and if something goes wrong he blames himself. He loves everyone and wouldn't hurt a fly and he sacrificed himself by making a deal to protect my brother and me."  
Dawn nodded, "So... is he nice?"  
Dean felt a smile pull his lips, "Very."  
"Do you love him?"  
Dean blinked. Another question he had not expected. "That's two questions." Dawn simply tilted her head and looked at him with her suddenly dark blue eyes. "Yeah. More than I've ever loved anyone."  
Dawn nodded again, her face still cold. "It's your turn to ask the questions now."  
"Tell me a bit of you and Jessica- who are you related to? Jess looks like Sam but she also looks like Gabriel and we know _that_ isn't possible. You also look familiar." Dean watched her shift again.  
"You are correct. Jessica is related to both Sam and Gabriel- witches made her from both of their bloods to weaken them and when it did not work the witches were dead and Sam and Gabriel had little Jessica." Dawn shrugged. "Mine's a short story- I don't have any family I wish to know about. My mother is dead and my father... my father scares the Hell out of me." She took a mouthful of the still steaming soup. "I ran away, Gabriel knew who I am and took me in."  
"What happened to your mother? Demons?" He couldn't help but ask. The girl was wrapped in mystery and he couldn't work her out.  
"No. Gabriel killed her- mommy dearest was a demon." At his gasp she rolled her eyes. "Yeah. One hell of a bitch as well. I'm the only one of my kind and I sort of... Both sides want me dead so Gabriel is the only who protects me."

"So you're half human?" Dean looked at Dawn get up and start to walk away.  
"Nope."  
If Dean had been confused before he was confused at that very moment as the girl walked away.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

It was two days before Gabriel returned to camp with Dawn, his face covered in blood. "They are going to be here any second! Everyone get to the emergency stations **now**." His voice was strong. "Lilly take the red group and Becky take the blue group, okay?" At their nods he looked at the men. "Chuck, Dean, Luke and Dawn with me to keep them back. Okay?" Dean nodded.

Chuck slowly let his hand slip from Becky's before planting a kiss on her lips. "Be careful." He whispered into her ear so gently she barely heard him but when she did she looked back him.  
"I will be- just be safe. Come back to me." She kissed him again. "I won't be able to do this without you."  
"Like I won't without you." He moved away. "Go. See you soon."  
"Not if I see you first." Dean's heart broke as Chuck watched her sadly walk away. They both knew it might be the last time they saw each other.

Dawn handed guns out, her ponytail swishing in the wind. She looked like an adult as she gave him the last gun.  
"What about you?" Dean watched a smile paint itself onto her features.  
"I don't need a gun." That was when the two groups left and Dawn turned to Gabriel.  
"We have less than ten minutes." With that Dean was left wondering why it was always a countdown when it came to important events in his life. Oh, little did he know how important the moment was going to be.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Ten minutes later was when they found the bloody sack at the edge of the camp. The sheet that contained the body was old but did the trick of covering the person's still body. There was too much blood for the person in the blanket to be alive. There was no movement apart from Gabriel walking over with a gun clutched in his hands. When he knelt next to it his heart stopped in chest. When he moved a bit of the blanket away so he could see her face his heart broke. When Dawn looked over his shoulder Dean heard her gasp as her hand moved to her lips.  
"No..." Her whisper was desperate. She sounded so _broken_. "No..." The worst moment, of course, was when Chuck saw the body and he fell next to her.  
"Becky?" His fingers stroked the side of her face, his eyes falling on the deep gash on her neck and all the blood. They had drained her like an animal. They had slit her slim neck and they had let her bleed out. They had killed his wife on their bloody _anniversary_. "No... She was meant to be safe..." He allowed the tears to fall freely. "Not after all this... I was meant to be the one who died."  
"Don't worry, you will." At the voice everyone jumped.

He was tall, his vessel identical to the one Dean knew apart from slightly longer blonde hair. His eyes were a dark shade of blue and he held no weapon. "Aww look- the prophet is crying." Chick didn't look up from Becky's body, still clutching her hand. His eyes never left her open eyes.  
"Go to Hell." Chuck growled the words as he clutched his wife's still warm hand even tighter.  
"Been there. Done that." Castiel grinned happily, "Dawn! I thought Gabriel would have hidden you. Why not big brother?"  
" Hey dad." Dawn swallowed as she shrunk even further behind Gabriel.  
Gabriel seemed to shield her automatically, "Stay away from her."  
"Why? I wouldn't hurt my own daughter Gabriel- but everyone else I would." Castiel was suddenly behind Dean. "Wow... I haven't see you since I got dragged off to Hell for the second time and when I came back you called me a _monster_. You tried to kill me when all I wanted was to feel safe. I came to you because I was so scared and you tried to kill me." He kept on smiling as his head tilted in an insane manner. "But God you _squirmed_ as I slit your throat. Same as pretty little Becky really." A pause. "She begged for you Chuck. _Please don't hurt him!_" He had her voice down to a notch. "_No! Please... CHUCK! Chuck help!_" Before anyone could even think Chuck pounced, managing the stab his knife deep into Castiel's stomach.

"Don't worry kid," Castiel spoke lightly as he pulled the knife out his flesh. "You'll see darling Becky and that little boy who never got to be born **very** soon." The snapping of a neck filled the air as Chuck's body fell onto the floor, his hand landing next to Becky's and his head twisted so his wide eyes were only seeing her.  
"BASTARD!" Luke was only about twenty but when he tried to take a step forwards he flew back, he flew into a nearby tree and he hung there, a single branch reaching out of his neck. It had been quick, only a flash of pain but those hazel eyes were wide like the eyes of a child.  
"LUKE!" Dawn's scream was strong as she stared at the dead body.  
"Dawn," Castiel rolled his eyes, "You really shouldn't get so attached. He was just a human after all."

In the space of sixty seconds two lay dead on the floor. Gabriel shook his head, "It's not too late to stop this Cas..."  
"Don't call me that _Gabriel_," Castiel kept his tone light, but his eyes shone with inner anger. "And the only way to stop me is to kill me." He spread his arms out, "Go on. It's your one change my dear big brother. Kill me." Gabriel didn't move. "Kill. Me."  
"Gabe..." Dawn whispered the name gently but when she tried to move she found all her limbs frozen.  
"I can't..." A tear rolled down Gabriel's face. "I can't... Please Cas, don't do this."  
"Why not?" At a click of his fingers Gabriel blew up, blood splattering all over Dean and Dawn.

Dean had never felt more helpless as the blood hit him full force, covering him whole and bits of the angel's body landed near him.  
"Oh Dean..." Castiel turned to him, "Why so serious?"  
"You..." Dean had no idea what to say. Castiel had just killed four people without blinking. He had killed them not caring about his daughter seeing. He had killed them and he still smiled. "You killed them..."  
"Yep." Castiel happily popped his 'p'. "Oh, and I cut the wires that were keeping Sammy alive. Sorry." The last word sounded so untrue it nearly hurt. But not as much as the pain of what he had seen. What could he say? "I guess I should return you to your year." Dean felt a firm, painful grip on his shoulder as the world faded away and Castiel's voice made a promise. "I'll see you in a few years Dean dear."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

When Dean's eyes opened he gasped, quickly sitting up. He was in his own time. He was back to when Castiel was safe. His fingers quickly ran through his hair and when he pulled his fingers away he held a... he held a single tooth in his fingers. He had to avoid that future- at any cost.

**10 days left.**

* * *

So? Did you like?  
I know, it wasn't as good as some other chapters but man it was **_hard _**to write! Please review for more- because poor Cas and Sam need a bit of saving. If you review then they won't be hurt *too* much in the making of next chapter!  
Please leave me a review (don't worry, this will be the only chapter like this) and I will reply as usual! :) No flames. I know how awful it was but Dean needed major motivation to keep on going and to save the future. Sorry if it was bad. X

**Love,  
J.**


	14. Taken

**A/N: H**ey guys! I was really suprised you liked last chapter and in reply to any worries: nope, I don't plan to end this story with an Evil!Castiel. The end was written long before I wrote chapter 13. :) Cas is safe (ish).  
Anyway... THANK YOU for the reviews! Seriously, you guys are the best ever! On with chapter 14 - my only warning is this is just a workup because after this chapter the workup to the end begins!

* * *

"I killed two angels this week. Those are my brothers. I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for _you_, and you failed. You and your brother **destroyed** the **world**, and I lost _everything_... for nothing."  
Castiel – **Good God, Y'all** – (5.2)

Castiel had tried everything to get himself free of the ropes that held him still. He had tried to pull, to twist and anything else possible but every time the demons came back the ropes would tighten around his body once again. Every single time he heard the door open when he was on the verge of freeing himself his heart would tighten. But, the worst moment had to be when he saw _who_ the demon was- and God, at that moment he would have preferred to be back in Hell with Alistair.  
"Hello Clarence." Her voice was so smooth butter would not melt. Black eyes stared at him hungrily, slowly taking him in. His jacket and shirt lay on the floor a few metres away and his chest was covered in blood. His eyes were wide as she walked forwards, her dress was large on her, the white silk floating around and her hair was down. If it were not for the black, empty, soulless eyes she would have been a beautiful human girl. "I haven't seen you since you were hooked up nice and strong in the very middle of Hell." Her eyes changed colour yet he still shivered.

Castiel's heart was racing. He had to get out of there but he had to get Sam out of the next room. He had to get away from the insane demon as she walked towards him, a smile on her face. "What's wrong Clarence?" He kept on watching her as she got closer and closer, before finally placing herself on his lap. She kept on watching him watch her with those black eyes. She had an effect on his that even Alistair could not get after his efforts in Hell. He was scared of her- he had been since her first visit in Hell. She had been the first to literally rip his heart of his chest as he hung helpless. Revenge for throwing her onto the flames. Revenge for pretending to be about to kiss her. Revenge for outsmarting her. Revenge for leaving her screaming (oh, she made him want to _scream_). He had not been able to fight and he couldn't as it happened all over again.  
"I know something you don't," She whispered the words as she leaned her head onto his shoulder; "I know something that is going to change the world." He tried to flinch away as two of her fingers traced his bare chest. Castiel moved his face away- trying to scan the room for something (anything) to help him.

He was scared. She could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. He was _petrified_. She twisted her body so that her chest was against his, her swollen stomach against his. His eyes got larger as he sensed the other heartbeat in the room. It was small, the size of a tiny butterfly. It fluttered gently, unaware of anything but the feeling that its father was near. The little heart fluttered and Meg grinned as she leaned even closer. She said nothing as he focused on the energy coming off the baby... it was a mix of pure evil and pure kindness. It was the best and the worst of the world as it was made of pure _power_. It was something that had never been before and would never be again.  
"Only three months Clarence, then she'll be here." Meg smiled as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Three months and then I'm going to be a mommy and you are going to be a little girl's daddy." His eyes remained wide... "Any choices for a name?" Castiel's mind had stopped- he couldn't think straight. If the baby was born then it was going to be half demon (bad) and half angel (worrying) and it would have access to both Heaven and Hell's energy. She would be unstoppable and the only way to keep her good would be for him to make sure Gabriel, Dean and Sam could protect her. He knew he would never be able to kill his own daughter.

Oh God... Oh **God**. He was going to be a father to a child conceived with no choice... He was going to be the father to a child whose mother was a demon. How could the situation get any more messed up? Meg kept on smiling as she kept on tracing his abdomen. What could he do? He had no idea... Castiel had no idea how to deal with everything in the choking silence. At least before he could let it out with the little comments that Dean and Sam though made him stupid. They would talk about him when he was in the room yet he had still given everything up for them. He had died for them more than once. He had fallen in love with Dean and he knew Dean would never return the feelings. Even _Gabriel_ managed to find love and Castiel felt envious. If he had never met the brothers he would not be where he was that very second- if he had not gotten too close he would not be where he was with Meg so close and the little fluttering. Three months. He had lost everything and the thing that should make him happy (the birth of a child... _his_ child) scared him. No. Castiel had no idea how to deal with everything that was going on.

If it were not for the brothers he would not be feeling scared- he would not be feeling anything. Part of him missed what he had been, being able to smite Meg with a single touch. But part of him loved being able to feel. He hated the pain but he loved the feeling in the pit of his stomach when Dean kissed him. He hated the feeling when Meg pressed her lips on his. He loved feeling safe when Dean cared completely for those few seconds but then Dean would suddenly change and he'd push- he'd push Castiel away. He loved feeling like he belonged but then they would talk about him only a metre or two away as if he could not hear them. He hated Dean for making him so _weak_. He hated Dean so very much for making him _love_ him. He had never had a choice about falling in any sense of the word. He was like dominoes. He had fallen in love and he had started falling, bit by bit. He was weak because of it and even the ropes could keep him down. He wanted to scream. He had to save Sam. He had to return Sam to Gabriel and Dean before pretending to be fine. It was not fair. He hated it. He wanted someone to save _him_- just for once. Was it asking too much?

He hated it but it had always been coming- like a storm in the night. It was always coming and it was always going to be him. Why he knew not. Yes, he had always been different from the other angels but he had put it down to being created last, maybe that was why he was different but maybe it was destiny that he ended up where he was and maybe it was destiny Meg ended up where she was. Maybe everything had been an illusion; maybe he had never had a choice about being the one to see Dean at his worst and at his best. Maybe it was always going to be him and just maybe he was always going to be the angel to be tortured in Hell. He was always going to be the _one_ mentioned in the stories he had been told as a young angel- Stories of an angel who would change.

The stories were told in hushed tones, about how when an angel started to fall there was no going back. When an angel was slowly falling, Heaven's energy leaving them, the only way to stop them from falling and becoming a human was death. The only other thing that could happen was something even Lucifer feared. If the angel was taken out of the place they felt safest in and placed somewhere with no link to kindness, love or what gave them the motivation to keep falling (eg. Hell) the angel would change in a different way. The angel would no longer fall; it would morph into something different. The angel would lose all that made it good and it would become _powerful_. The angel would no longer draw its energy from just Heaven; instead it would draw it from Heaven and Hell. The angel would be practically unstoppable. Lucifer had told Castiel the story after much convincing and promising he would try even harder with learning to fly and he'd even try to put up with Michael. Castiel feared he would change like the story said- he was scared of what he might become. He was scared about how once he changed there would be, in his mind, no reason to even try to change back. Part of him feared it but part of him craved it.

It was bad, but he craved the darkness. He craved the pain because after one hundred years with just them to embrace him he had no idea what to do without them. He no longer knew what was wrong and what was right. He knew he had to protect Gabriel, Dean and even Sam but he knew he wanted to just stop feeling. He hated each and every feeling; Alastair had been right when he had said that Castiel's feelings (his emotions) would be his downfall. Alastair had always been right when he had whispered in Castiel's ear about how different he would be when he returned to his vessel. Alastair had been right when he said that no matter how fast or far Castiel ran he would never outrun the darkness that had become part of him. He had ten days left and there was no escaping it. Part of him was scared about what he might (what he would) become when he returned to Hell to complete the deal but part of didn't care. He hated it but part of him really didn't care about anything or anyone- Castiel knew that part of him had never been as strong as it was after his first trip to Hell. The change had started.

"I have one more surprise for you Clarence," Meg smiled happily as she walked to the one other object in the room- it stood tall on the wooden table Castiel had not even noticed before. It was an hourglass with orange sand in it. It was white; skulls engraved on it and in a long dead language was a spell. As soon as Castiel recognised it he felt as if he had forgotten to breathe (if it were possible he probably would have). "Do you recognise it?" She ran her fingers over it. He tried no nod but he couldn't move once again. It could not be possible. The angels had destroyed it.  
"Just in case you don't it's the sands of time," Her grin grew once again, making him flinch. "And I can control it- or rather, out little baby can but I can channel her power so I can also control it. You see, ten days is enough for Dean-o and Gabe to save you but if we cut it down a bit who knows what will happen." Her fingers wrapped around it and he half wanted to gasp when she did not sizzle or burn like anyone but the true guardian would. His daughter was a guardian which meant she was even more powerful than he could have imagined. Before he could even consider anything Meg turned the hourglass around, allowing the sand to slowly start to fall.

"Sorry Cas." Was it the first time she had called him that? "But we really can't have them messing up the deal, can we?" Her eyes turned black once again as she walked back over and knelt in front of him. Slowly she leaned in, her lips connecting with his. He tried to resist the small nibble on his bottom lip but found the darker side of himself winning. He couldn't give in (God, he wanted to)... he had to be strong for Dean. He **had** to. But... why couldn't he let himself slip just that once? They had let him down so many times, why couldn't he have his own back just that once?

So, like the serpent tempted Eve, Meg tempted Castiel as her lips pressed onto his. She urged his to give up as the sand continued to fall at the same rate as before, already looking like his worst enemy. Unlike Dean she did not push him away when he got too real (to imperfect) for him to deal with. Unlike Dean she wanted _him_ and not the idea of him. So, much like Eve Castiel let his lips part ever so slightly. Meg was bad, she was poison- he knew it. She was pulling him down. She was helping him fall a little at the time. But, since he had returned from Hell he couldn't help but crave the darkness she brought. He needed it because after one hundred years he could not really function without it. He hated it but at the same time he needed it (it was a bit like his 'relationship' with Dean actually).

Unlike Eve, he knew what he was doing as he let the darkness in. Why? Because at least Meg would never hurt him like Dean did. Because he _needed_ to feel worth more than a toy Dean only wanted when he had no other option. He needed somebody not to push him away because he wasn't as good as he used to be and he needed to feel as if he had ever had a choice. He wanted to be able to allude himself that he had ever had a choice about loving Dean. So he let the darkness infect him that little bit more and he hated himself for it but at the same time he did not care.  
It was too late to care anyway. He had never had a choice.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

**10 days left.**

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

* * *

So? Did you like? Please review with any thoughts! I know, just a chapter with information and short but... is it just me who feels sorry for Cas? And this hourglass can't be good knews... :D  
Please review!

**Love,  
J.**


	15. Lost

**A/N: H**ey guys! Wow... thank you for the reviews! Can you believe it? After this only five chapters to go! :'( I feel like crying!  
Anyway, sorry about the delay. Re-re-uploaded without many mistakes! Hope you all enjoy and for once no cliff-hangers...

* * *

"How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?"  
**Plato**

* * *

_Dean knew he was dreaming the moment he saw Castiel sitting on the grass. He had known it to be a dream because of the smile Castiel gave him. It was like the small smiles Castiel had given him... before.  
"I'm dreaming." He had chosen to voice it but as he looked into Castiel's haunted eyes he knew it wasn't completely a dream.  
"Indeed you are Dean." Castiel told him the words gently as he patted the space next to him. "I'm sorry to intrude your dream but I need to speak to you and I have not got much time." Dean blinked at the sound of Cas' voice but at the urgency of his tone he quickly sat next to him.  
"Where are you Cas? Are you and Sam okay?" Cas nodded and Dean let out a sigh. "What's wrong?"  
"I don't have long... When they realise what I'm doing it won't be pretty." Castiel bit his lip, "I need to be fast- you and Gabriel need to stop trying to save me."  
_

_Dean blinked. That was not what he had thought was coming. "What? Why?"  
"Because it's going to get you killed and trust me when I say that I would have to make a harder deal to get you back." Blue eyes stared at Dean intently. "Please listen to me- you need to be careful."  
Dean felt Castiel take his hand and, for a second, he forgot it was a dream. For that second he held on tighter to the angel's warm hand.  
"I can't just let you go Cas... I couldn't let Sam die and I can't let you down." Dean kept on gazing into the angel's eyes. "Don't ask me to let you go."  
"I am very sorry Dean but I must-" Castiel tightened his own grip around Dean's hand. "They will make you choose if you give them the chance and they __will__ hurt you." Castiel pulled them both to their feet. "We don't have much time."  
"We have nine days," Dean stated the words quickly. "I can save you in nine days."  
"No." Castiel whispered the word sadly.  
"No what?"  
"You couldn't save me in nine days even if you had nine days." Castiel placed a hand on Dean's cheek. "You need to trust me when I say please, I beg you, to give up."  
Dean leaned into the touch. "I can't." He really couldn't. He couldn't let Castiel down yet another time. He had to protect him. He had to.  
__Castiel leaned in, he moved gently so his forehead was against Dean's. "You can Dean- even if we did have nine days you would not find a way out of this deal. You need to accept that and start to let me go."_

_Dean swallowed. The concept hurt too much. "I will find a way to protect you, Cas. I promise."_  
_"Don't make promises you can't keep Dean." Castiel's voice was just a whisper before the distance between their lips broke. Dean had no idea if Castiel had leaned forwards or if he had but as Castiel pulled back, crying out in pain he knew they didn't have much time. The kiss had been different- the kiss had not spoken love or worry. The only thing the kiss spoke was 'Goodbye'. But it would only hit Dean later how Castiel's eyes were just as hopeless as when he had first returned. _  
_"Cas?" Blood. There was blood all over Castiel's shirt as he fell to his knees and his head snapped to the side as if someone had just hit him._  
_"They've worked it out..." Castiel gasped the words out as his head snapped to the other side. There was so much blood. Crunching of bones filled the air._  
_"Cas!" Dean could only scream the angel's name and reach out before the darkness swallowed him and an hour glass ran out of sand..._

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Gabriel felt as if he had woken up from a deep sleep. His head hurt and the fire which had been all around him no longer burned hot. Dean slowly pushed himself to his feet just a metre away. There was no sign of Castiel or Sam in the room. No sign of any life apart from the angel and hunter who were in the room at that very second. "Dean? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah." Dean's breathing was irregular, making it clear to Gabriel that he was indeed not fine. "What happened?"  
"Emmmm..." Dean blinked. What had happened? "Lucifer sent me to the future and then Cas visited me in a dream." His eyes flashed with an emotion Gabriel could not read. "We need to hurry... Castiel was hurt... He was saying things about how we don't have nine days left and there was this hour glass..."  
"Wait-" Gabriel was suddenly feeling sick. Like the type of sick at the pit of your stomach when you are dreading something. "Was the sand orange?" Dean decided he did not like the look in Gabriel's eyes. They were just as wide and nearly as fearful as when Castiel's when he had first come back home.

The penny had only dropped that very second as Dean paused. Castiel had been scared, yet even as his head had snapped to the side he had not been scared for himself. He had been scared for Dean. Dean had tried to tell Castiel how he felt but he had not been able to even when Castiel fell to his knees. He had not been able to save him and he had been too much of a coward to tell him how much he loved him. Castiel had been scared for him. The fact _hurt_ more than Dean cared to admit.  
"What's wrong?" Dean tried to keep all his worries out of his tone. "What's so important about this hour-glass?"  
"Everything."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Castiel was not scared. Really, he wasn't. Okay, maybe he was... But just a little. He was nervous to say the least but anyone who had the devil gripping their wrists so tight they can't move their fingers would be nervous. Okay. He was more than nervous as he saw the look in his big brother's eyes.  
"Really? Dream walking?" Lucifer tightened his grip, making Castiel nip his lip. A single movement from his brother and he could be in agony. "Disappointing, Cas." Castiel looked up at him fearfully before there was a snap (a crunch) which filled the air. It took a second for the fact that it was his wrist that had just snapped to sink in and then? Then the small shot of pain filled his body. He probably would have been able to cope but then the pure energy Lucifer sent forwards via his touch made Castiel fall to his knees.

"I mean," Lucifer allowed Castiel to fall to the ground, gasping for breath as his finger gripped the air in a half-fist manner. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" He clenched his fingers further and Castiel had to fight even harder to breathe. "Speak if you wish- I'm bored of the silence." He loosened his grip on the air and Castiel could only gasp. "So?"  
"Y... You a-are in-insane." Castiel coughed so hard it caused his throat to burn but as he looked up at Lucifer he couldn't help but be more than nervous. He was scared. "Of c-co-cour-course I kn-knew... I won't let you hu-hurt them!"  
"Won't you?" Lucifer pouted playfully before moving crouching next to Castiel, fingers tightening in his hair. "I could kill you in a second. Guess why I don't?"  
"Because you are a sadistic bastard-" He silently thanked Dean for teaching him that particular insult. "-and you like playing this game." He had not expected what Lucifer did next. The grip in his hair got tighter before Lucifer smashed his face down. It didn't really hurt- he had felt worst than a broken nose but the fact it was Lucifer doing it stopped any control he had about how heavy his heart felt. He had always been closest to Lucifer but it was Lucifer hurting him.

_Michael had always been cold (well, colder than the average angel) to Castiel. Castiel had never really cared but the moment Lucifer, Michael and Gabriel wandered off he just had to follow.  
"I really don't see why you are always so fussy over him." Michael was clearly referring to Castiel. "We don't even know his purpose yet."  
"Michael-" Gabriel let out a sigh. "He's little; he might not even have a purpose."  
"Father gave us direct orders to protect him!" Michael had his tone as cold as he could and it made Castiel shiver. He didn't like his brothers arguing. "He has to be special and it is clear by just looking at him."  
Lucifer was the last to speak. "Maybe so but maybe he needs time to change into what he is to be." Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, moving it out of the way so his crystal blue eyes could see clearly. He did not like the tone any of his three older brothers had taken. When he felt fingers on his shoulder he nearly jumped, yet when he saw who was there his fear died. _

_Forneus was not an angel Castiel feared. He was a nice angel, older looking in many ways than some of the other angels and he was always close to Lucifer as if they were planning something. That idea was ridiculous (of course) because angels did not plot or plan.  
"Hello Castiel," Forneus leaned close to the smaller angel, never moving his fingers.  
"Shhh... They'll hear us." Castiel barely had the time to say the words before Michael spoke again.  
"Maybe he should be ended before he becomes a problem." Castiel's eyes widened when his other brothers did not react instantly.  
"Who are they talking about?" Forneus seemed so large compared to Castiel but Castiel had always been small.  
"Me."_

_Lucifer was the first to react. "No. He is to grow- he is to become what our father wishes him to be."  
"What if he is a challenge?" Michael looked straight at Lucifer.  
"Then we fail." Gabriel answered quickly. "We aren't going to harm him." Castiel blinked before turning to Forneus who gently pushed him in the opposite direction. _

_Two days later Lucifer had fallen and so had Forneus- not long after Gabriel left and Castiel was left alone with Michael. He was left alone with the angel who wanted to kill him._

Castiel wanted to hate Lucifer. He really, really wanted to hate him but as the ruby blood rolled down his flesh he still couldn't hate him. He was his big brother. As much as it made him sound like Gabriel, he would always love his big brothers. In a way he had always looked up to all of them but Lucifer had been the one he had idolised – and he had been the one to leave him. Gabriel had left him. Forneus had left him. Anna had left him and soon he would be forced to leave Dean. The one time he had something real in his excuse of a life and he did not want to leave. He did not want to return to _there_.

Castiel allowed Lucifer to hit him- to fill the silence with the sound of flesh hitting flesh and Castiel's slowing heart. It hurt that it was Lucifer who was breaking his bones and deep down, Castiel guessed it would be Lucifer who was going to take his life in the end. His own brother- his darling big brother- was probably going to be the one to kill him even after he had stopped Michael from killing him all those centuries ago. God, it hurt. It hurt and he couldn't avoid the pain no matter how much he tried. He needed it to be over. He wanted to just stop feeling like Meg had promised him she would help him to do. But, in the end there was one thing he wanted as the all too familiar darkness swallowed him up.  
"Dean..." He chocked the one name out like he had once whispered prayers to his Father. The Father who had left him and was allowing everything to happen to him. The Father who did not see it as 'his problem'.  
"Sorry kiddo," Lucifer snarled the words and Castiel knew the anger was not just directed to him. It was directed to all of their family. It was the same rage Castiel wished he could feel instead of the cruel betrayal. "Dean ain't coming." Darkness claimed Castiel.

The last bit of the orange sand in the hourglass fell down and as Meg turned it yet another time the baby within her wept in its own way as her little soul glowed a ruby colour with a gold outline. Her fate was already written and as the sand started to fall again. Destiny had already claimed her as it had claimed her father and who (what) she was to become was written in the stars. She was to be called Dawn and her soul was the colour of the dawn of the very first day. Her soul glowed just as brightly as her father's.

Destiny had chosen Dawn and even as a baby she was different. Because, as the sand started to fall again she did something no baby should do at the stage she was at- she opened her large, blue eyes and she _saw_. At the same time both Gabriel and Dean fell to the floor before the sand they fell onto seemed to swallow them up and their wantches and all clocks on the earth started spinning... fast.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

**8 days left **(more or less)

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

* * *

"All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else."  
**Buddha**

* * *

So? Good? Bad? Please let me know as your opinions matter! Once again not the best chapter but the next five are going to be slightly longer and secrets are coming out! :D Who feels like angst?  
Please remember to review! :) I kid. But do review... Please! For the sake of Castiel!

**Love,  
J.**


	16. Found?

**A/N: H**ey! Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot!  
Four chapters left! *sob* I really hope you like this. I thought we could do with some insight in an angel's head. :) Please review after reading.  
It would really mean a lot. Thank you. X

* * *

Michael was amused. He was _very_ amused. As he slowly walked around his unconscious little brother he could not help but be amused. After everything that had happened it was going to be Lucifer who was going to kill the little angel. Michael had always thought it was going to be him- he had never, even after Lucifer fell, thought Lucifer would ever hurt little Castiel. Lucifer had always been protective of Castiel yet as Michael knelt next to Castiel and pulled him off his side and onto his back he knew that Castiel's purpose was fulfilling itself without _much_ help. The smallest angel was crashing down to protect _humans_ and nobody could stop him even if they wanted.

Before Michael knew what he was doing he ran his fingers over Castiel's forehead, healing the internal injuries Lucifer had left. Castiel was still so small compared to Michael; it was hard not to notice, as he kept on holding his little brother. Castiel was tiny, even his wings were like the hands of a toddler compared to Michael's grown up wings. It would still be a long time before Castiel was full grown and Michael let out a sigh.

Castiel was never going to get to grow up. No matter how hard Michael tried not to care he found it impossible not to shiver at the concept. His youngest brother, the angel with the brightest grace and full of life as he flew high in the Heavens was never going to get to grow up and shine as brightly as he could. His good (kind) intentions were going to be the end of him and they were going to drag him to Hell.  
No matter how little he liked the small angel he could not help but wish there was a way around it all.  
He did not want to kill Lucifer.  
He did not want to let Castiel return to Hell.  
They were both linked into his destiny because his father was sadistic.

Michael sent a final bust of grace through his brother's far too still body and Castiel's eyes snapped open before he pulled away and bounced to his feet as fast as he could. His blue eyes were wide.

After everything that had happened to him he was still afraid of Michael and as his brother got to his feet Castiel's eyes darted around the room as if he was a trapped animal. Michael simply stood tall in his new vessel, flicking his red hair off his new (temporary) face.

"Castiel-" Michael sighed. They both knew he had no intention of hurting Castiel- he had had many chances to in kill him the past yet he always chose not to harm him. Even at the very start when Lucifer first fell. Michael simply distanced himself and let Castiel follow whatever path he wanted. "I'm glad to see you're alive." Amusement covered his features once again. Castiel was alive and he was glad to see it but they both knew Lucifer returned when Michael was still there all Hell would break loose. Literally.

"Michael." Castiel had no idea what to do. He was alone with _Michael_ and he really would prefer Lucifer at that second. At least he could guess what Lucifer wanted but with Michael he had never been able to tell. He did not like that.  
"Don't worry little one," Michael used the nickname the other angels had called him at the very beginning when he had first opened his blue, crystal eyes. "I am not here to hurt you." Castiel tilted his head to the side, taking a step back every time Michael stepped forwards.  
"Why are you here?"

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

_Lucifer was gone.  
Gabriel was gone.  
His Father was gone.  
All the angels he had been close to were gone.  
He was all alone._

_It was chilly in Heaven as a light breeze surrounded the little angel. Everyone had left him and as he lay on his stomach, looking down into the puddle of Knowledge his eyes ran over the sight of a mother with curly brown hair holding her new-born baby. The woman was a demon but the child... she was something else. The sight was far in his future yet he knew not how close the event would be to him. He had no idea how close the baby with blue eyes would be to him._

"_You should not be here." Michael's voice snapped Castiel out of his daydream and as his eyes left the puddle the image of the baby faded just as the mother gently whispered out her name. Dawn.  
Castiel jumped up to his feet. "I know." He did not really care what Michael said. It was his fault They had all left him.  
"Who were you looking at?" Michael kept his tone what humans would call 'monotone' as he stepped forwards. The puddle was useless without their father there so how had Castiel got it to work?  
"I do not know." Castiel ignore the unease. Angels should not feel unease. "It just came to life when I sat near it."_

"_Go." Michael gave the simple command and Castiel flew away, faster than any angel. The moment he left Michael moved to the puddle and placed a hand next to the water. Images of war flashed quickly, with a man in a trench coat fighting in the middle. The man was in every flash, fighting and loosing himself to the bloody syrup of war. He had hard eyes, bright blue eyes. Eyes which gave Michael the name of who he was._

_The flashes were smooth, fitting into each other with invisible strings. One moment the angel was kissing a human gently on the lips and whispering goodbye and the next he was on his knees, being held close by Lucifer, forehead on forehead. When Lucifer apologised the angel simply gave a small smile and he shone as the invisible hands from the stomach of Hell reached out and grabbed him. _

_That flash led onto the human the angel had been kissing cradling the still body of the vessel in his arms. He was saying sorry like Lucifer had. The blood of Heaven's youngest angel stained them all. _

_Michael never visited the puddle again and it never worked again. _

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

"To help you with your purpose." Michael answered smoothly, watching confusion cover the little angel's face. Why, of all the angels, did it have to be Castiel (the baby) who had to die for the prophecy to become true? He wasn't even an adult in angel terms. He was a teenager with so much to learn and easily influenced.  
"What are you on about?" Castiel glanced around the room. There was no way out.  
"The doors are unlocked."Michael ignored Castiel's question. "Lucifer is busy. You have five minutes before he comes to check if you're still here. If you run he won't catch you but if you try to save the younger Winchester you will probably get caught." Michael watched the younger angel freeze.

"What?" Castiel blinked as he tried to balance with his suddenly spinning head.  
"Five minutes to run- if you leave Samuel here. Do not worry they will not hurt him." Michael kept on watching Castiel as he studied Michael.  
"Why are you helping?" Such a simple question. Michael let out a sigh. Castiel was far too human for his own good- his humanity made the choice he had to make obvious. They both knew what Castiel was going to choose.

"No matter what you believe you _are_ my little brother and it's not your time to die yet." Castiel nearly flinched at the use of 'yet' from Michael's lips. "Get out of here because if you don't even Father will not be able to save you." Michael took five steps towards Castiel, so he was standing next to him. "Get out of here and run. Samuel is safe for now."  
"I cannot do that. We both know I will not leave Sam here with these demons." Castiel looked up at Michael with big blue eyes. Neither moved and only millimetres separated them.  
"What has he ever done for you Castiel?" Michael silently begged Castiel to see sense. They were losing valuable time. "He does not even wish to save you from the situation you have been dragged into!"  
"I know." Castiel looked down at the floor. "But he is Dean's brother. Gabriel's lover. I cannot stand by and let them all be hurt."

Michael shook his head. "All they do is let you down. They do not care for you." Castiel did not even try to argue with what his brother said. So many people kept telling him that he was starting to believe it. "Gabriel chose to run away rather than to stay with you. He left you with nasty me." Michael gently moved Castiel's face so that they were facing each other. "Samuel has given you no end of grief and mess for you to try to clean up. And Dean? When has he ever told you he feels the same? When has he shown you that you matter more than Sam or anyone to him? He has not even tried to save you yet." Why could Castiel not see it? "When has he shown you he cares when there is nothing for him to gain?" Castiel did not even look at him. "They are going to be the end of you little one. They have never tried to protect you. They are adults and they have never tried to keep you safe." Michael made eye contact once again. "Think this through. Is Samuel worth saving? Are you ready to be hurt yet again to protect them?"

Castiel looked up from the floor with eyes completely sure of his answer. "Yes."  
Michael shook his head before stepping back, "Then run little brother. You don't have long."

So, Castiel ran. He had made his choice and he knew what the consequences would be. Yet he chose to protect them and he knew he would never receive a thank you.

Yet Heaven's baby boy with blue crystal eyes ran.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Sam woke up to someone undoing the ropes which had held him down. His head was pounding and as he focused on the figure he let out a sigh of relief.  
"Castiel..." He was one of the few people to still call Castiel by his full name. "You're here."  
"Indeed." Castiel pulled the hunter to his feet before turning around. "We don't have long before they realise I'm gone. We need to run." The lights flickered. "Now."

Castiel led the way as they ran through the building which had once been an abattoir. It had probably not been used in many years but the blood that stained the gray walls and the bloody carcass which hung from different hooks was recent. Every door and window was boarded up and demons were littered everywhere. They had around three minutes left. Castiel quickly ran up the stairs, followed by Sam.  
"Where are we going?" Sam asked the question gently but his coldness towards Castiel stung.  
"To the roof-" Castiel kept his answer simple as they ran up the stairs, the lights flickering gently behind them. If they made it up to the roof they stood a chance. If they did not they were definitely going to be captured.

Lucifer was near. Castiel could sense him as he forced the old, green door open. He tried not to focus on the scratches on the inside made by people trying to get out. "When we get outside run Sam." Castiel pushed the door with more force, causing it to shift slightly more open. He was going to get Sam back to Dean and Gabriel- he was not so sure he was going to get himself out of the situation.

"What about you?" Sam asked the question so quietly Castiel nearly did not hear it.  
"It does not matter."Castiel shrugged the question off. It was too late for him; the only thing... person who could save him was on the other side of the world. Too far to fly with his damaged wings and he needed to stay there and protect Sam. The door shifted closer to being open. "Run and when you reach the edge jump- trust me; the fall will not hurt you."

The door opened.

"Run Sam!" The lights all turned off.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

"No way am I jumping off this building Castiel!" Sam looked over the edge. The fall alone could kill him. Was the angel insane or something?  
"You need to jump!" Castiel forced the door t0o shut and started placing boxes in front of it. They were getting closer.  
"No way!" Samuel did not mean to snap yet his tone came out sharp.

"Lucifer will be here any second! You. Need. To. Jump. NOW!" Each word was growled with more impatience than the previous word had been filled with.  
"The fall will kill me."  
"Trust me Samuel- if it kills you then you can haunt me all you like and I'm sure Dean and Gabriel will help. Jump or stay and face Lucifer." Castiel stood next to Sam. "What do you rather?"  
"I can't do it." Sam gave a small glance off the side of the roof. It was way too high. Fingers pushed on his back.  
"Hold your breath." Sam fell and when he hit the water he silently swore at the angel. The small sorry the angel had whispered before pushing him echoed.

Castiel shut his eyes. He was **not** scared. Well, maybe a little.  
"Going so soon brother?"

Okay. Now he was scared.

* * *

**Four days left **(give or take a few)

* * *

So? Good? Bad? Please review and tell me!

I will not be able to update till next week as I'm going to Italy with my school! :) With a bunch of people who hate me AND my guts. :( Yey!  
Still, please review... I really could do with some *happy* in my life!

**Love,  
J.**


	17. Shout

**A/N: H**ey! Sorry about the wait, I was on a school trip. To all who reviewed: THANK YOU!  
Because of the delay an EXTRA long chapter! I hope you like and remember... please review!  
(No cliff-hanger for once!)

* * *

"_Going so soon brother?"_ Castiel shut his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart. His head was spinning and he could see the changes in the sky- the vibrant blue turning to a misty orange. The hourglass was running out of sand. He was running out of time.  
"Wouldn't dream of it," Castiel kept what Dean would say in his mind. Dean was the one who would be able to come up with a sharp response, not him. As he turned to face his brother the control he had gained on his heart disappeared. "You've been such a generous host. Leaving would just be rude."  
Okay. Castiel had not been expecting Lucifer to laugh as he stepped forwards. The laugh was disturbing- it was so cold ice would feel hot after being exposed to it. "You have spent _waaaay_ too much time with Dean-o." He took another step towards his younger brother. "How did you get out anyway?" Castiel looked at Lucifer as innocently as he could, silently willing himself to keep Dean's bravado up. He glanced at Lucifer's vessel. Had he been a dancer at some time? He seemed to have the right body to have been a dancer. Slim. Sleek limbs. He also had the perfect shape for a torturer, his mind added. That comment really did not help him in his cause not to look afraid.

"Let me guess- you weren't going to tell me Michael visited?" Lucifer took a final step forwards, closing the distance. "Oh Cass, join me and we can end this tiresome discussion."  
"I'll die first." Castiel repeated the words he had said once before and for the first time he really felt the weight behind them. He was going to die if he did not join Lucifer (he would die if he did join Lucifer anyway). There were only two options he was willing to consider (or, at the very least, acknowledge): The first was to join Lucifer and the second was to die and return to Hell for what Dean would call 'Round Two'. Those were it- the third option was not an option. It was just a faded, ignored possibility. It was to let Dean down and Castiel would never do that. Castiel had lost everything for the hunter and he had never let him down. He had no intention to start letting him down. That was the one thing he was not prepared to do- and he had and would do a lot to protect Dean. After all, there was _nothing_ he had not already lost to protect the man he cared so greatly about. His life? Indeed. What made him pure? Meg had ripped that from him. His sanity? A large amount of it- he was sure by the time he returned to Hell he would lose what remained of it. Faith in the world? Yes. Faith in his Father? That was long gone. What made him, well, _him_? It was already leaving him.

"Please brother-" Lucifer was **not** begging. The Devil had no reason to beg. The Devil should _not_ still love his little brother but he did. Castiel was his baby brother. He had been the second angel to hold him when he had first been created- a pure white gold glowing baby with blue eyes. Since the moment Michael had returned holding the small creature Lucifer had been attached. Castiel had been their Father's most perfect and beautiful (pure beyond belief) creation. How could he not love his beautiful little brother? "- think about this. Join me and nobody gets hurt. I will not harm Dean, Gabriel and I'll stop pestering Sam. You won't have to go back to Hell. I'll change the deal." Blue eyes flickered up to meet his eyes and for a second Lucifer dared to believe that Castiel might have seen sense and was going to join him. He silently begged his Father in the first time in so very long. He begged not to have to kill his baby brother. He had never killed a child for the taste of it like he did adults. He could not kill a child; a pure creature and his baby brother in one go. Even the Devil could not do that. If his Father allowed him to do it Lucifer every angel in Heaven would bow their heads in shame of their father. There was not a single angel who did not wish to protect the little angel with the pure snow soul. Uriel had been the only one who would have been able to kill Castiel but even he had wished for there to be another way. Lucifer did not want to hurt his little brother.

"I will die first." Castiel repeated the words once again. His hands were shaking. His heart was racing again Jimmy's barely healed ribs. _'Come on Cas.'_ Jimmy urged him on, nearly making Castiel jump. When had Jimmy woken up?  
"I suppose you will." Lucifer said the words he had said before as well, a sigh leaving his lips. _'Oh no...'_ Jimmy was just as scared as Castiel as they spotted the demon behind Lucifer stepped out of the shadows. _'This is bad.'_ Jimmy shivered (or was it Castiel who shivered?) and they looked at the demon. Oh. Castiel's eyes widened. No... _'Keep it together Cas.'_ Jimmy whispered the words gently. _'Be strong.'_  
"I'm sorry Cas." Lucifer stepped back. "I gave you a choice." He nodded towards the demon and when it stepped forwards Castiel was completely frozen and his head started spinning.

"Hello Angel." The demon's voice was the last he heard as he started to fall to the ground like a bag of rubbish nobody wanted.  
His final word was chocked out, sleepy yet full of the pulsing fear which filled his and his vessel's body. "Alastair."  
The orange mist slowly surrounded him, chocking him, embracing him and pulled him into the shadows.

In the other room Meg turned the hourglass around once more and watched the sun seem to spin around the Earth as the days changed. She rested a hand on her swollen stomach and let out a small breath. "It's a new dawn baby."

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean woke up in a hotel room. He was laying on a single bed and on the identical bed a few metres away Gabriel was pushing himself up, rubbing his forehead as if waking up from a hangover. The first object his eyes fell on was his watch- the little date in the corner caused him to freeze. He blinked, hoping he had read it wrong but it remained the same. Crap.

Gabriel had been right- the moment the hourglass ran out of sand they did literally shoot forwards in time. They had lost several days when they had been swallowed up by the orange mist. They had lost several days they could have spent looking for Castiel or a way to save Castiel. Maybe both and maybe neither. They would never know for sure.

The date had changed since the last time he had glanced at it. They had lost so much valuable time it hurt...  
"How long did we lose?" Gabriel asked the question lightly but the fear in his eyes said it all. How long had they lost that they should have spent looking for Castiel?  
"We have two days left." The words tasted bitter in his mouth. Two days. How were they going to save Castiel in two days? Why had he left it so long to start searching? Why had he not tried harder to get to Castiel's saviour? Every thought which ran through his head carried more guilt than he had felt in a very long time. Maybe (just maybe) if he had tried harder Castiel would have been safe by that point. He'd messed up once again. Typical.

"You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself Dean," the new voice made both Gabriel and Dean jump to their feet. When they turned to look in the general direction the voice had come from.  
"Michael." Gabriel said the name gently- he had not seen his brother in so long he was forgetting to be afraid. Michael stood tall in his vessel, his eyes momentarily flickering to the demon behind him who barely balanced a soaked Sam.

"Iris?" Dean blinked at the sight of the demon and as his eyes fell upon his brother he had to resist the urge to rush forwards and check if he was okay. He inched slightly forwards but Gabriel placed a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. "What did you do to him?"  
"Why do _I_ always get the blame?" The demon looked up through the child's eyes with an air of perfect innocence. "It was _your_ angel boy who saved Sammy from Lucifer by pushing him off a roof into la mer." She pouted her little lips before looking at Michael, "Ask him. He's the one who helped me get him out of the water." She flicked her plat over her shoulder, smiling innocently yet with suddenly black eyes. The contrast between the sweetness of her face and the cruelty and darkness of her eyes made Dean shiver.

Michael gave a stiff nod. "Indeed. Castiel lost his chance of escaping to save your brother." Dean _really_ did not like how bitter the angel's tone was. Of course, before he could act Sam's unconscious body was chucked towards him, barely giving him time to react and catch his sibling. "Something I believe foolish and you will probably not even thank him for if you get the chance." Dean glared. Of course he would thank Castiel _when_ he got the chance. He always thanked Castiel... Didn't he? No. His mind answered the question smugly. No. He rarely thanked Castiel.

Of course the angel knew how much he mattered to Dean, Sam and Gabriel. He did not need to be reminded with little words like '_Thank you_' and other trivial statements. He knew... didn't he? Of course he did. Dean showed it other ways like... Okay. He did not know how he showed it but Castiel knew it. Why else would he put himself in such danger for him? It had to be clear how Dean felt.

Michael rolled his eyes at the human's thoughts. He really thought he had let Castiel in? He'd never even told him how he felt- the one time he had Castiel had been drowsy so when he awoke he believed it to just be part of his dreams. He wasn't used to dreams so he couldn't tell reality and dreams from each other. That was why the little angel hated sleeping so much. He never knew how to act after dreams- that was why he had fled the morning after Dean told him how he felt. It was ridiculous for even Michael's standards how puppy-like Castiel was when the hunter was around. Castiel had always been one to worship those he loved. It was just the way he was made.

"What's wrong with him?" Gabriel's question broke the silence as he lowered the younger Winchester onto his bed. Samuel did not even shift as his head hit the pillow and his soaked hair stuck to his skin. He was a deadly white.  
"He was frozen under water for two days," Michael smirked. "If I don't heal him soon he'll die." The smugness on the last word made Gabriel flinch.  
"I'm not saying yes." Dean had seen the future and saying yes didn't help. He needed to find another way.  
"I don't want you to say yes." Michael smirked again. "This vessel is just fine. He is going to last for a while so." He shrugged. The archangel actually _shrugged_. Dean's eyes widened just that little bit more.  
"What do you want then?" Gabriel voiced Dean's inner voice.

"What _I_ want," Michael shifted all of his vessel's weight to his left foot. "Is to talk to my brother alone." Gabriel froze as he moved Sam's limp arm onto the bed.  
"_What?"_

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Castiel had tried to get himself free from the chain. He had tried and tried but the only result was the skin being literally rubbed off his bones. He had tried everything to get free but every movement caused pain. The material tied around his mouth was scratchy and kept stopping him from breathing. He hated it nearly as much as the material they had placed over his eyes when they had taken his shirt off. He couldn't move and the more he tried the more exhausted he got. He was scared and the longer he stayed there (alone) the quicker his heart raced.

Being confined was the opposite of any angel's nature- especially his. Castiel was the fastest angel, the angel who lived the most for the air. Being confined in a vessel was torture- the lack of movement was horrible but being unable to move his wings was something the youngest angel detested with a passion and we all know how rarely Castiel did not like something. He hated few things but being restricted? It was right at the top with torture and not being in control with his own life. He hated the idea of not being in control of his own fate. He hated the idea of not having control of his own choices. Just the idea of it made him feel _small_, smaller that he had ever felt when growing up surrounded by angels far older than him. Smaller than the feeling out being left behind not by one but by two of his closest big brothers. Smaller than being the only angel to have a pure white grace and black wings.

He also did not like darkness but that was a recent thing after his trip to Hell. Before then he had not really minded darkness- he had succeeded in finding beauty in everything. The chirping of a bird in the distance and even the small shade of blue in a corner but in Hell? In Hell there was no beauty. When the darkness came he could not escape. There was no distant chirping of a bird. There was the sound of flesh breaking under swift movements from the demons. There was the sound of distant screaming and his racing heart. There was just the sound of pain and torture. There was only the sound of souls giving up and the laughing of demons. There was no beauty to darkness in Hell. There was just fear. There was no control over what happened to you – no control of what was done to you. He hated that lack of control.

Not being able to see also held many disadvantages. The most obvious being that you can't see what is going to happen to you. You cannot see what your enemy was planning so they always have the upper hand. Castiel was trapped and _blind_ to anything Alastair was planning. He was completely in the demon's mercy and that was really bad.

Alastair ran a hand over the angel's chest, grinning like a child at Christmas when he flinched away. He could feel Castiel's racing heart and he could smell the fresh blood seeping out of the latest cut on his chest. He had been following Castiel since he had returned from Hell; every step Castiel had made Alastair was always one ahead of him. As he slowly ran a finger over each muscle and kept on smiling as the blind angel tried to inch away. He moved his fingers higher, gently tracing Castiel's neck and making small shapes of symbols on his pale flesh.

Castiel's head snapped from one side to the other, trying to take in as many details as he could. His arms and legs were tied so they were spread out on the wooden surface. The splinters dug into his flesh and the small pinching from them was the only thing keeping him awake. That and the irregular scratching from Alastair's sharp little nails. He had nowhere to move to. No escape. No sight and he couldn't even cry out if he wished to (which, he didn't). He had no control of what was going to happen to him and he had no _knowledge_ of what was going to happen next. That was torture in itself but as he felt the cold metal of a knife being run up and down his side he shivered.

"So very weak." Alastair leaned close, like he had so many times in Hell. He leaned so close his lips where a millimetre away from the angel's ear. "Being back here has weakened you Angel. You are weaker than you have ever been before and soon you are going to be coming home." Alastair placed a finger on the side of Castiel's face before he placed his entire hand there, gripping his face so he couldn't move away. "You'll see. I will break you within a century. Last time you had hope to cling on to but you've lost that." The smile on his face grew. "It's not like they care." He tightened his grip as Castiel tried to pull away. "Have they told you once, just once that they care? Have they? Have any of them told you that they care?" Castiel froze in the demon's grip.

Had they? No. None of them had told him that they cared a single time. Gabriel had told him he was sorry about him going to hell but he had never told him he cared. Sam did not care for him. Dean... Castiel knew Dean did care about him but it did not deserve the label of the word '_love_'. Dean cared but he certainly did not love him. Castiel knew that much for certain and it hurt that Dean only saw him as a prize not worth winning. For a while he had been worth trying to win but then Dean had realised how broken and used he was and he had shut Castiel out. He pushed Castiel as far as he could and when it suited him he pulled Castiel back knowing he would give him whatever he wanted.

No. Castiel knew it was not love. He knew what he felt for Dean was love and he knew that Dean would never love him back. Fair enough. Who would love anyone as ruined as Castiel anyway? He was not worth loving.

"They don't care about you." Castiel could feel the warm breath from Alastair on his face and as the material which had covered his lips was pulled away. He shut his eyes and embraced the natural darkness as lips touched his own. There was no escaping it.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

"What do you want Michael?" Gabriel glared at his brother with no passion. He could not find anything stronger than dislike towards his brother but unlike Castiel he knew with him his dislike could grow to hate if he was given the right reasons.  
"I have not seen you in a very long time Gabriel," Michael looked at Gabriel with gentleness in his eyes Gabriel had not seen for a very long time. "Am I not allowed to miss my brother?"  
"There is more to it than that." Gabriel ignored the urge to hug his brother. He had spent _way_ too much time around humans. "There was something you wanted to talk to me about. What is it?"

Michael had not been alone with his brother he had forgotten what Gabriel was like. He really had missed his brother but Gabriel was correct, their meeting had nothing to do with him missing Gabriel. "Indeed. I need to speak to you about Castiel." Gabriel froze with his fiddling.  
"You know how to save him?" Gabriel spun to look at him, hope vibrant in his eyes.  
"You can't save him Gabriel. You know that just as well as I do..." Michael sighed. "When Lucifer wants something or someone he doesn't let them go until he has what he wants. He won't let Castiel go- you know he has always been attached to Castiel. Give up before you get hurt Gabriel." Michael, like Lucifer, was also attached to one brother more than any of the others. He had always cared about Gabriel a great deal and when he had run away it had ripped Michael's heart out. It had hurt both Michael and Castiel more than any of the other angels.

"We can't just leave him to go back... I _won't_ leave Cas in Lucifer's mercy!" Gabriel blurted the words out; his entire body was shaking with fury. "He's our baby brother..." The last part of his sentence was a sad whisper.  
"You don't think I know that?" Michael's tone was sharp and cold. "Do you really think I would let Castiel remain with Lucifer if I had a choice? _I have no choice._" His cold eyes were glazed over with the pain which was eating him up from the inside. "You think I don't want to keep Castiel safe. _I_ was the one to bring him up when you left and Lucifer fell. _I_ was the one who was left to pick up the pieces as he grew up convinced the reason you two _left him_. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when he would look at me with those sad blue eyes and ask '_What did I do wrong_'?" Gabriel looked away as Michael's tone broke ever so slightly. "He's my brother too Gabriel. I want him to be safe because believe it or not, I actually do love my little brother. I always have since he was created as that little white bundle and I always will. But there is nothing we can do. If you get involved I'll end up loosing two brothers, not just one."

"There has to be a way." Gabriel could not cope with what he was hearing.  
"There is no way Gabriel." Michael wondered how long it would take Gabriel to realise there was no saving Castiel. "He made a deal and he knew what he was doing. This has always been his destiny... what our Father has always planned for him."  
Gabriel's tone was hard when he interrupted Michael. "No. If our Father planned something for his youngest son He would **not** have planned this! Castiel has always been loyal and good! Why would our Father wish for something like this to happen to him?"  
"You should not question our Father's will." It came out automatically and Michael silently scolded himself. He had his own doubts yet he chose not to speak them... that made him a good son. Right?  
"I'll question it if I bloody want to!" Gabriel's tone was hard and angry. There was no reasoning with Gabriel when he was angry. The anger faded quickly but the lost look in his eyes remained.

"He's just a kid Michael. Why does it have to be him?" He sounded just as lost as he looked when he asked his big brother the question.  
"I don't know Gabriel. I really wish I knew the answers but I don't know." He placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "Please just give up before you get hurt."  
Gabriel pulled away, backing away quickly. "You know I can't do that." He did not wait any longer before walking away. He couldn't let Castiel down yet another time. He was Castiel's big brother- he had already let him down so much in the past.

He loved his little brother too much to do it again.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

Dean was panicking. Sam seemed to be trapped in a deep sleep and Dean had no idea of what was happening to Castiel. He did not like the lack of knowledge.  
"You're not alone." Iris' voice made Dean jump and when he turned to glare she simply sat cross-legged on Dean's bed. She looked so much like the little girl probably did when she was still just a child it made Dean want to be sick.  
Dean snarled, "Do **not** speak to me as long as you are wearing that little girl." His eyes danced with fury as he was turned back to check his brother over.

Iris did not move in any way apart from leaning onto her little elbows. "Nobody is missing her." When Dean turned to glare at her once more she let out a small puff of breath. "Her mommy and daddy are dead. She is being brought up by her abusive aunt- at least now she can sleep." Iris looked directly at Dean. "At least I'm not hurting her."  
Dean bit his lip. "You could find another vessel, host or whatever you want to call it. We could find her a loving family. She's just a kid."  
"She's going to die the moment I leave her Dean." Iris placed her face on her palm, never looking away. "At least this way she gets to sleep." In a split second her eyes flashed black and Dean was reminded who she was.

"What did you mean? When you said I'm not alone?" He moved the blanket over Sam's shivering body before turning his attention to the demon.  
"You have many allies on both sides." Iris grinned as she rolled onto her back. "Many angels are furious about what will happen to their little brother and are slowly slipping to be on your side. Many demons are, surprisingly, against what Lucifer has been forcing them to do." Her face suddenly turned serious and her black eyes kept watching Dean. "We have had enough of his temper tantrum. He's going to kill us whether we side with him or not. Castiel has been the last straw." She moved to sit up. "We know what we are is bad. Most of us had no choice. I was nearly twenty, my brother died after being stabbed by a complete stranger. He was my only family so I read up about deals and made one. They gave me two years- said something about me being important."

She swallowed. "It was a long time ago but I never deserved my fate. Many others did not. Bela for example."  
"Bela is a demon?" Dean could not stop the question from slipping out. "Well, I guess that's only to be expected. She bunked her family off for their money."  
"She didn't actually. She just let you believe that." Iris shook her head. "She was an abused child like little Iris. She saved herself. Anyway, my point was and is that the only thing which is going to unite demons and angels to be on your side is Castiel. He's special?"  
"Because he's the youngest angel?" Dean's head was spinning with all of the new pieces of information.  
"Yes and because he's different from all the other angels. He is destined for amazing things and we don't want him to get hurt. He is still a child in so many ways. We cannot directly disobey Lucifer but we will not help him. When the choice comes many will choose you Dean." Iris jumped to her feet.

When Iris handed him a folded piece of paper Dean looked at her in pure confusion. "The witch who lives there. She is the only one who can save your angel. But hurry, your time is only going to get shorter." She moved away. "When Lucifer wants Lucifer gets. He wants Castiel to join him. This really is your last chance."  
"Thank you." Dean could do nothing but thank the demon.  
"Don't thank me."

Dean did not care it was a demon he was trusting. It was a chance to save Castiel and he was willing to grab it with both hands. He had only just realised how badly he had fallen for Castiel and it might be too late.

God that idea hurt.

**2 days left** (probably less).

* * *

So? Did you like? Please review and tell me what you thought!

**Love,  
J.**


	18. Race the Clock

**A/N: H**ey! Sorry about the delay, my uncle had a stroke and I've been distracted. Hopefully this BIG chapter makes up for it!  
Seeing we're onto the last three chapters can you guys (everyone reading) please review? I really would love some opinions! All mistakes are mine. :)

Anyway... ENJOY!

* * *

"_I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end_."  
**Abraham Lincoln**

"_In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends_."  
**Martin Luther King, Jr.**

* * *

How fast can you run?  
How fast can you make yourself go with the pounding of your breaking heart pounding in your ears?  
How can you run without a hope of making it in time?  
If you run that little bit faster can you make it?  
Can you run any faster?  
Can you run?  
Can you live with yourself if you don't run?

There was no way Dean could be fast enough as he ran through the trees. The rain was pounding down onto him with all its force and the branches made him need to swerve every few seconds. There was nowhere near as much time as they needed. The piece of paper held in his hand was the reason he was still running. If he made if they would have saved Castiel- if not all their efforts would have been for nothing. That idea stung and as he kept on running he tried to keep his balance.

The Earth was wet and his trainers sank into it. There was no way he could do it. He was trying to be fast yet with every movement he knew- he just knew. No matter how many movements he made he would not make it. They were going to lose. He was going to lose Castiel. They had lost far too much time and the orange mist was already swallowing his surroundings and slowly wrapping him up.

The mix of the orange mist and the rain were making his limbs heavy. He was slowly sinking into the darkness which was trying to pull him away. He was sleepy but if he allowed himself to sleep it would all be over. The sick little game he was stuck in would be over and all would be lost.

Dean had no idea what he would do if he lost Castiel. Sure, Dean had had long flings and short flings. In the past he had been sure he was in love and he had even told the truth but he had always been ready to leave. Nobody ever believed the truth or understood why he did the things he did. Even those he had been sure he loved had been left behind and after a while he had moved on. But what he felt for Castiel was something he had never felt before- it was a deep feeling and for the first time ever it was returned just as strongly as he felt it. Dean saw no reason to voice it but he knew that all the times he had been sure he was in love were nothing. Unlike those times he had no idea what he would do without Castiel. Like a puppy finally being found after living in a box for all its life he knew he would not be able to go back to how he had once been.

That was why he couldn't stop running. If he stopped it would all be over.  
If he stopped running it would be game over.  
If he stopped running Lucifer won.  
If he stopped running he and Gabriel would lose Castiel.  
If he stopped running then there would be no going back.

Dean could barely breathe. His body hurt from being pushed too far too fast. He could not remember ever running as fast as he was that moment and the Earth was slowly becoming softer under his feet making it even harder to lift his feet. Why did things always have to be so hard? He could hear Gabriel yelling the words to the spell and he could hear the suddenly strong wind push against him. The orange mist was barely a metre behind him, swallowing everything and searching for him and Gabriel. There was no sound in the stuffy air apart from Gabriel's voice saying the spell and the rain hitting down as hard as it could.

Dean clung to the piece of paper. The last sentence of the spell was written on it in small little letters and without it the spell would be useless. Their last hope and Dean held it in his hand as he tried to be faster. His body screamed desperately to stop as he tried to control his breathing and his racing heart. He couldn't push any harder. He was running as fast as he could. His body screamed to stop and his heart told him to run. Both were equally strong and as he jumped over a stray piece of wood he wandered if he could make it. His pace was slowing and there was nothing he could do about it. No matter how hard he tried he could go no faster.

His heart and lungs felt as if they were about to burst. He could see the outline of the little wooden cottage in-between the trees and he felt like crying with relief. Just a little bit further. He barely registered how the orange mist seemed to be getting closer and slowly wrapping around his legs.

Just a little bit further.

**Five hours earlier.**

Dean and Gabriel had been driving for hours- taking turns to swap when they needed to stop for petrol. Sam remained sleeping in the back. Michael had healed him like had promised but he had left him in a dormant state till the next time they were taken forwards in time. When they were near Lucifer he would wake up. Dean had never hated the angel more.

The address turned out to be in the middle of nowhere. There were remains of a village which may have once been there but the only home which remained was tucked away between the road (or at least what remained of it) and the edge of the forest. It was a small cottage made of stone and the roof was wooden. Small yellow curtains could be seen and there was a small, flickering light coming from inside. The music being played echoed in the silence.

"Any demons?" Dean asked Gabriel the question, watching the angel shake his head and move Sam so he wasn't visible under the blanket. What were they meant to do? '_Team Free Will_' was getting more and more messed up. An ex-blood junky who was also a comatose, a school dropout with six bucks to his name, an angel who had run away from heaven and an angel condemned to Hell. Great, they really stood a chance of surviving the apocalypse. To add to their problems Dean could not help but feel a nasty bitterness towards his brother. Why did Sam always fall in love and have people fall in love with him so easily? Why was it always Sam who got who he wanted? Dean never got anything... Not a childhood and deep down he did not believe that he would ever get a chance with Castiel.  
"No. It's all clear." Gabriel hopped out of the car. Dean took in his appearance. He as a mess- his hair was in the worst state Gabriel had ever allowed it to get to. His eyes were exhausted (mentally and physically), his clothes messy and his shoes dirty. Everything was taking a hold on him and Dean guessed he looked even worse. "Let's go." The hope that shone in the archangel's eyes was heartbreaking. Dean did not dare hope. If he hoped it meant he might be knocked back and if this failed then it would be over- they would lose their last chance of protecting Castiel.

The girl answered the door on the first knock, looking up with sad emerald eyes her lips opened for her to speak. "You are later than I thought you would be." She opened the door a bit further, her pure white hair seemed to glitter and her dress was a golden colour, fitting closely to her far too thin body. She looked too fragile to even breathe near. She stepped out of the house and Dean noted she wore no shoes. She couldn't have been more than twelve. "I'm Eleanor."  
Dean nodded, "I'm..."  
Eleanor interrupted him in the exact same tone she had used before. "Dean and Gabriel. I know." She closed the door behind her and Dean saw her key was on an old chain around her swan neck. "Do you want me to check Samuel first or do you wish to speak about what is happening around Castiel before that?" Her emerald eyes kept on watching like an old owl. She watched took in everything she could.  
Dean felt his jaw drop, but was fairly glad to see Gabriel had held himself together. "Sam please." Of course Gabriel would choose _Sam_ Dean thought bitterly... Wait. Did he really just get mad at Gabriel for wanting to worry about Sam first? What was going on with him? He shook the thoughts from his head and followed the other two to the car. Why did he keep seeing it as a completion between saving Sam and Castiel? He was confused. His thoughts held no form of logic to even him but the feelings were strong. Something in him believed it was a choice between Sam (his baby brother) or Castiel (his first real love) and he did not know where that came from. It sort of scared him.

The girl walked proudly and she held herself with a grace Dean had never seen anyone but Castiel (when he had first met the angel, he had lost it after spending time with Dean) hold themselves with. When Gabriel opened the door she nibbled her bottom lip.  
"Pick him up, we'll take him inside and then I'll get working." Gabriel did as she told him and when he was steady she spun around and walked towards the house. Her long nails ran through her long hair as she moved it off her face. Dean made no effort to help Gabriel with Sam and he silently swore at himself. What was wrong with him? It was his little brother! It was Sam... The reason the demons had Castiel again. It was childish to blame him but he did. God, he was a bad person.

The house was small. The kitchen, dining room and living room were one room. There was a wooden floor and the living room consisted of an old sofa with a blue blanket on it, a fireplace and a small wooden table shaped as a crescent moon. There was a candle on it. The walls had white, chipped paint on them and there were two black doors. She headed to the door on the left and pushed it open. "Put him on the bed, I'll get what I made earlier." She looked nervous.  
"Dean, help me." Gabriel urged Dean to help him place Sam on the little bed. Dean helped quickly, feeling guilty about the thoughts which had been haunting him. "He's going to be okay... isn't he?" Gabriel looked at Dean with a new look in his eyes. He looked scared and just like that it hit Dean with the force of a train.

The looks Gabriel had on his face whenever he could not keep his mask up.  
The look in Gabriel's eyes.

It all hit him at once.

Gabriel had not had a close family in a very long time. The last time his family had stood as one was when Castiel had first been made. His family had broken apart and he had run because it hurt too much to see his brothers hurt each other. He was not strong enough to stand close to Castiel and help the little angel because at the time he could only see his own hurt. Gabriel had never _loved_ anyone apart from family. He never helped humans and then he had fallen (pull fully intended) for Samuel (he had fallen hard). He had gotten love and at the same time he had gotten Castiel back. Castiel had been hurt and Gabriel finally had a chance to be the big brother he had never been. It had been a change for Gabriel to make up for leaving Castiel in his time of need. For a while Gabriel had everything and then it had been torn from him.

Sam was in a coma.

Castiel was probably being tortured.

Both things had and probably would have been done by Lucifer. Gabriel's own brother was ripping his happiness away. Yeah, Gabriel was suffering just as much as Dean if not more.

At the same time Gabriel considered what had been going on with the hunter and his messed up thoughts (Gabriel would never tell but he had been listening).

Dean had given up everything for Sam. He hadn't had a childhood. He had never been _normal_ and he had been a dick when he needed to. He had done everything a real brother would do (not a coward like Gabriel)... He even went to Hell to protect Sam. Dean had never really loved anyone and he had never been loved back. He had never really cared but then Castiel came along and saved him. Castiel pulled him from Hell and offered him everything he did not believe he deserved. Castiel had been there no matter what cruel things Dean said and he had always tried to be composed. Castiel had been there and he had done what Dean thought nobody would ever love him enough to do. Castiel had given his own soul because he wanted Dean to be happy. No matter how hard Dean tried he always lost those he loved the most and the human blamed himself.

Gabriel did not blame Dean for blaming Sam, if Castiel had done the same and had gotten Sam captured he would have been furious, no matter how hurt Castiel was. He understood more than the hunter could ever have imagined.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

The liquid was green and stunk. Eleanor poured half down the young hunter's throat before moving away. "It will take two hours to waken him. Then he will drink the rest." Eleanor placed the drink on the bedside table and indicated for Dean and Gabriel to follow her into the main room. When the left the room Gabriel sent a small gaze towards Sam's sleeping form. Silently he begged his Father for help.

Surely God wanted to protect his youngest child... He had created Castiel so very perfect, Gabriel could not imagine God letting such a perfect creature be ruined by Hell of all places. Castiel was a baby and he needed he needed help. Gabriel just hoped his Father gave them a reason to have hope because if He let Castiel be hurt Gabriel would lose all hope. If Castiel returned to Hell for even a second then most angels would lose hope. It was a simple choice and Gabriel hoped against hope that his Father would prove Himself.

Eleanor sat on the middle of the table and the two men sat on the sofa. Nobody said a single word for what felt like hours.  
"Where are your parents then?" Dean asked the question casually but the hurt which crossed the girl's face gave him all the answers he needed.  
"My mom died when my little sister was six months old. Dad died last year and my sister died this winter. It's just me now." She bit her lip in what seemed to be a habit she had developed over her years. "Nobody knows I'm alive or even that I exist so I stay here. I'm happy. I survive." She stopped herself from saying anything more. "Back to the matter at hand. Did Iris tell you what I can do to save Castiel?"  
"No." Both Dean and Gabriel answered at once and they traded looks. Both were far too nervous for it to be healthy.  
"Okay... I only know one thing that can save Castiel but you won't like it." She looked directly at Dean.  
"I'm desperate. What is it? Who wants my soul now?" His attempt at a joke died as his tone came out far more serious than he had ever intended. Did he have to sell his soul? He was ready to. It was Castiel. Castiel was worth it.

Gabriel flinched and Dean wondered why he had flinched.  
"Nobody wants your soul." She smiled kindly. She suddenly looked older than her years. "It's magic. Very old, very powerful magic." She bit her lip yet again. "There is a spell which can make everything okay."  
"What spell?" Gabriel wanted to sound suspicious but instead his tone was worried.  
"A spell to turn back time. Take you and Dean back to the day before Castiel made the deal. To the moment he tried calling you Gabriel. You would be the only two to remember what has happened and you would be able to change your actions. You can stop him from meeting Lucifer." Dean licked his dry lips. It was too good to be true.  
"What's the catch?" Dean had to ask. Things never went that well for him. "There has to be a catch. It _is_ magic we are talking about."

Eleanor stood up slowly. "The only things are that it has to be done just as the hourglass runs out of sand. If you are a single second off you lose your chance." She looked at the bedroom door. "Also, I need to point out that when you go back Samuel will not remember." She looked at Gabriel. "Sam won't remember and his feelings won't be what they are now. You'll have to work for his trust all over again." She looked at Dean. "Same with Castiel. You will have to show him you care again- he did not realise quite how hard he had fallen for you till his last day in Hell. You'll need to get him to see his feelings while you already feel what you feel." She looked at the two men. "Can you two do that?"

The answer left both of their lips at once. "Yes." Was there really any other option?

Dean felt like he was saying yes to Alastair all over again.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Eleanor took them to a small wooden cabin in the middle of the forest when they only had an hour left. Sam was not waking and she said she was not powerful to wake him up if it was Michael stopping him from waking. They had already known that anyway. There was nothing they could do about it.

She gave the spell to Gabriel and gave him a small smile. "Good luck." She turned away from them and for a second Dean was sure she looked like she was about to cry. Her voice had said 'good luck' but her tone had been saying 'sorry'. Dean ignored it and looked at the girl walk away. He still thought there was something was off about her but he chose to ignore it. What was he meant to do anyway?

Eleanor opened the door and had nearly fully stepped out, her hand still on the doorframe, when she stopped. She did not move for several seconds. "How much does Castiel mean to you?" Her voice was small and suddenly she sounded far younger than what she was.  
"What?" Dean looked at her and felt his throat tighten.  
"How much does Castiel mean to you?" She asked it again and her voice was even smaller than it had been before. Dean knew the answer instantly and did not even need to pause.

"Everything." Everything. Castiel meant everything to him. He was his oxygen and his very heartbeat. Castiel was the blankets that kept him warm. Castiel was what got him up in the mornings. Castiel was who had saved him. He was the blood in Dean's veins. He was the only one who could keep Dean's nightmares away. He was the only reason Dean had not said yes to Michael. "Everything." He said it again and as Eleanor let go of the doorframe he wandered why she did not face him again.  
"Good luck." She whispered the words as tears ran down her skin.

She closed the door behind her. She had given them the real spell but she knew the last two words were smudged. She had been told to sabotage their last chance to save Castiel and she had. As she ran back to her house she wept. She had no choice. She had to do what she was told.

She was only human after all.

"Eleanor." The voice caused her to stop and she bit her lip. The person who had ordered her to sabotage everything stood there in all of their might. Eleanor was scared and as she looked up she felt blood drip into her mouth.

Castiel meant everything to Dean and she had ruined his chances of saving him.  
Samuel was not going to wake up unless Lucifer commanded it.  
Gabriel was going to lose someone who mattered an awful lot to him.

It was all because of her.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

"I can't read it." Gabriel whispered the words yet they hit Dean as hard as they would have if he had yelled them. "The last few words... I can't read them." They had ten minutes left and Gabriel had no idea what was going to happen.  
"What?" Dean rushed to his side faster than he thought he could move. The last two words were smudged. His heart stopped beating. "When do you have to start talking?" He had to take control of the situation. Dean had to be in control to deal. It was all about control.  
"About two minutes... why?" Gabriel looked at him and as their eyes met Dean painted a well-practiced grin on his face.  
"I'll run and ask Eleanor."

It was stupid. There was no way Dean could make it. They both knew it both once again they only had one option.  
"Be as fast as you can." Gabriel looked at him and in their eye contact lasted far too long. Neither of them wanted... Neither of them could cope with losing Castiel. It was that simple.

So Dean ran as fast as he could.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Castiel could barely keep himself awake. How was he going to cope with Hell? He couldn't cope with torture in the rule-filled reality he was in. How was he going to last another hundred years?

He gave a bitter laugh into the empty room. Another hundred years? He could last that but it was the _rest_ of the time he would not be able to last. This time, when he went to Hell, he knew it would be different. He knew that when he was pulled from his vessel it would be by him being killed. When he died and returned to Hell one hundred years of his residence there would be part of the deal but once that time was up there was no skipping away. He would still be dead and once a soul dies and goes to Hell they will never leave Hell. It was simple.

He knew Lucifer well. Of course he did, Lucifer had brought him up until the point he had fallen. He knew Lucifer and he knew that Lucifer was not going to let him go until he joined him. When he was killed he was going to Hell for the rest of eternity.

Heaven's youngest treasure was going to go to die.

Castiel was still refined and unable to see and _God_ he was scared.

Another funny subject. Where was God when His youngest son shivered in the cold and silently prayed? No matter what he had done surely he did not deserve what was happening to him. Did he? Was he really such a bad son his own Father did not wish to save him? He knew he deserved to be punished when he returned to Heaven (**ha**. Like _that_ was ever going to happen.) but what was happening to him did not seem fair. Surely his Father should at least give him a sign.

All he needed was a sign that someday, even if it was years away, things would be okay again. That was all the little angel wanted. He wasn't asking for much... Just for hope.

Surely he deserved hope.

Alastair had told him Gabriel and Dean had given up looking for a way to save him and were just protecting Sammy. He believed it instantly because it made sense. He had let everyone down and even his family did not see the point in trying to save him.

There was no hope to give him.

He knew Dean would choose Sam over him any day of the week and he did not blame him. It was indeed the same case for Gabriel. Why would they want to save someone as broken and ruined as him over Sam?

He knew Lucifer would make Castiel watch them choose Sam over him and he knew what the choice would be. It was not going to be surprising for any of them. He was not jealous of the human because he no longer (if he had in the first place) saw himself as worth saving. He had condemned himself the moment he had walked into the barn and seen Dean in all his glory once again. No... He had loved the hunter since the moment he had grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the hurt of Hell. He had always been destined to that moment. He knew he was destined to die by a weapon Lucifer would give the demons to kill him with.

He knew for certain Lucifer would not kill one of his own brothers. It was ridiculous. Even as, like humans called him, Satan he would never do such a thing. Why would he? He wanted Castiel on his side and killing him with his two own hands would be _counterproductive_. God that word made Castiel feel like an object in a game.

But, he was, wasn't he?

It was all a stupid chess game. God was the one watching the game. Michael and Lucifer were the kings for the two sides. Dean and Sam were the queens (the _vessels_). Gabriel was either a rook or a bishop; Castiel believed that Gabriel was probably a bishop. Different angels he knew were rooks. The demons were knights (were they called knights? Sam had only told Castiel about the game once and he could not really remember). That left Castiel without a piece.

No. Castiel knew what piece he was.

He was the pawn. He was the weakest piece of the game and the first to be killed off when the real battle began. He was just a foot soldier who was too weak to keep in the game for long. And he was okay with it. Really.

His life was a game of chess and so far had only been a build-up to what was coming next. The little pawn had fallen in love with the queen. The little pawn which could be replaced in the blink of an eyes had fallen for one of the most powerful pieces of the game and he knew if he chose to side with Lucifer he would become a bishop like Gabriel. He would be important and the torture would be over.

The only reason he had not said yes to Lucifer was Dean. As much as he loved Gabriel he knew that sooner or later Gabriel would leave him like he had all those years before. Why would he want to stick around for a weak little pawn?

God was the one watching the game without moving any of the pieces. Every so often He would give a little nudge to one of the sides before staying and watching the consequences. God could help either side yet He chose not to. He chose to simply watch.

Castiel knew, this (what he was living) was why his Father had brought him back from the dead.  
It had not been love for his youngest child.  
It had not been any form of affection.

The reason God had brought him back was because He needed that one extra pawn to make the game complete. He needed a pawn ready to sacrifice itself to protect the other pieces on the board and he knew that that was why he had been created.

Castiel had been created so he could die.

The angel's wings wrapped around him shaking body even tighter as he realised that cruel fact.

He had been crated so he could die.

How could a Father do that to His own child? Castiel did not understand. His Father was meant to be all knowing and all powerful – and all _loving_ but having (making) a child so that they could die in the battle between the rest of his children did not seem the sort of thing the Father Castiel had been loyal to would do. The Father he loved and had served would never do such a thing.

Castiel's wings were wrapped around him as tight as they would go and he shivered. Once upon a time he would have said Lucifer was not capable of doing the things he had. Once upon a time he would have said Lucifer was the purest and the best of all the angels but things had changed. Lucifer had started hating humans and he had left Castiel and he had fallen to prove his point.

Once upon a time he would have said Gabriel would never leave his family. He would have always said Gabriel would stick with his Father's side (Michael's side) to the very end. But when Lucifer fell and the angels had started fighting Gabriel had ran. He had done what Castiel would never have believed Gabriel would do.

Once upon a time, if asked, Castiel would have chosen Michael as the brother most likely to betray him. He had always believed that if an angel ever did betray him it would be Michael, after all the eldest angel had always hated Castiel.

Castiel try to get free once again as a dark smile crossed his face.

Children's stories started with '_Once Upon a Time_'. Dean had told him that and he found it ironic. Modern stories that children were told had happy endings and lovers remained together forever as the bad guys suffered for the bad they did. Castiel only wished that were true but deep down the small angel knew the truth.

For the war to be won, or at least fought, then the youngest and smallest pawn would have no happy ending. There was not going to be a neatly wrapped up ending or a kiss as the sun left the sky and the moon took its place.

There was not going to be a happy ending in his twisted story.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Sam was gone.  
Nobody was in the house.

Dean quickly moved from room to room, looking for the young girl. Why would she betray them? He could smell the sulphur and he knew who had taken Sam. Lucifer probably already had him.

His eyes scanned everywhere and he nearly missed the piece of paper stuck on the back of the door. When he saw it he seemed to stop breathing as he red the message.

"_Sorry. I really am. They told me to do it- I lied; my sister was killed by the demon who told me to do this. I can't say __her__ name but please be careful._" Dean re-read the words and moved his thumb and saw the two small words. He knew they were the words Gabriel could not read and by how light headed he felt he knew they were running out of time.

He needed to get the paper to Gabriel if they stood a chance of saving Castiel.

He had to run as if his life depended on it and in a strange way his life did depend on it. Castiel was his everything- his very soul- and without him he had no reason for living.

So he ran.

As Dean Winchester ran there seemed to be only one question (which, linked itself to another hundred) in his head.

How could he run?  
How fast could he make himself go with the pounding of his breaking heart pounding in his ears?  
How could he run without a hope of making it in time?  
If he ran that little bit faster could he make it?  
Could he run any faster?  
Could he run?  
Could he live with himself if he didn't run?

Dean knew it but he refused to admit it. There was no way Dean could be fast enough as he ran through the trees. The rain was pounding down onto him with all its force and the branches made him need to swerve every few seconds. There was nowhere near as much time as they needed. The piece of paper held in his hand was the reason he was still running. If he made if they would have saved Castiel- if not all their efforts would have been for nothing. That idea stung and as he kept on running he tried to keep his balance.

The Earth was wet and his trainers sank into it. There was no way he could do it. He was trying to be fast yet with every movement he knew- he just knew. No matter how many movements he made he would not make it. They were going to lose. He was going to lose Castiel. They had lost far too much time and the orange mist was already swallowing his surroundings and slowly wrapping him up.

The mix of the orange mist and the rain were making his limbs heavy. He was slowly sinking into the darkness which was trying to pull him away. He was sleepy but if he allowed himself to sleep it would all be over. The sick little game he was stuck in would be over and all would be lost.

Dean had no idea what he would do if he lost Castiel. Sure, Dean had had long flings and short flings. In the past he had been sure he was in love and he had even told the truth but he had always been ready to leave. Nobody ever believed the truth or understood why he did the things he did. Even those he had been sure he loved had been left behind and after a while he had moved on. But what he felt for Castiel was something he had never felt before- it was a deep feeling and for the first time ever it was returned just as strongly as he felt it. Dean saw no reason to voice it but he knew that all the times he had been sure he was in love were nothing. Unlike those times he had no idea what he would do without Castiel. Like a puppy finally being found after living in a box for all its life he knew he would not be able to go back to how he had once been.

That was why he couldn't stop running. If he stopped it would all be over.  
If he stopped running it would be game over.  
If he stopped running Lucifer won.  
If he stopped running he and Gabriel would lose Castiel.  
If he stopped running then there would be no going back.

Dean could barely breathe. His body hurt from being pushed too far too fast. He could not remember ever running as fast as he was that moment and the Earth was slowly becoming softer under his feet making it even harder to lift his feet. Why did things always have to be so hard? He could hear Gabriel yelling the words to the spell and he could hear the suddenly strong wind push against him. The orange mist was barely a metre behind him, swallowing everything and searching for him and Gabriel. There was no sound in the stuffy air apart from Gabriel's voice saying the spell and the rain hitting down hard.

Dean clung to the piece of paper. The last sentence of the spell was written on it in small little letters and without it the spell would be useless. Their last hope and Dean held it in his hand as he tried to be faster. His body screamed desperately to stop as he tried to control his breathing and his racing heart. He couldn't push any harder. He was running as fast as he could. His body screamed to stop and his heart told him to run. Both were equally strong and as he jumped over a stray piece of wood he wandered if he could make it. His pace was slowing and there was nothing he could do about it. No matter how hard he tried he could go no faster.

His heart and lungs felt as if they were about to burst. He could see the outline of the little wooden cottage in-between the trees and he felt like crying with relief. Just a little bit further. He barely registered how the orange mist seemed to be getting closer and slowly wrapping around his legs.

Just a little bit further.

His legs were pulled away from under him and he fell into the earth, too exhausted to move. The orange mist was everywhere and Gabriel's chanting had stopped.

It was over.

They had missed their last chance.

Dean tried to push himself to his feet. He had never been more scared- not when his father pushed the small baby into his arms and told him to run. Not when he heard the Hell hounds. Not when he awoke in Hell. Not when he awoke buried alive. He had never been more scared and as he tried to balance on his feet his head spun.

He took a small step forwards before falling onto his knees.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Crowley did not know if he should trust her or not.  
She was a very influential demon and having her onside would help but if she was lying he could be condemning his cause.

"I want to help!" Iris looked at him innocently. "He shouldn't have to go back to Hell, it's not fair."  
"Why should I trust you?" Crowley leant against the wall and looked at her. He had a bad feeling about her.  
"What other choice do you have?" Crowley watched the little girl smile and he hated it. It wasn't right to wear children. "I can help."  
"I don't want your help." He tried to step around her yet she moved so she was directly in his way. "Let me pass."  
"No."

Crowley did not like the demon in the slightest. She was... he did not know but his gut told him not to trust her and he trusted his gut.

"I can help." She smiled again and Crowley tried to move around her. "Let me help!" She looked at him with black eyes.  
"Why do you want to help?" He asked the question knowing she did not.  
"I do not trust Lucifer." Her answer proved she was lying. Nobody who did not trust Lucifer was stupid enough to actually speak the words to another demon.  
"No can do." Crowley moved forwards, causing her to move back. He left before she said another word- when he did a new voice spoke from behind Iris.

"So you were correct." Lucifer walked over to Iris and stepped next to her. "He is indeed a traitor." Iris nodded eagerly. "How disappointing."  
"What do we do now?" She looked up at him awaiting orders eagerly.  
"Nothing." Lucifer turned around to where he had come from.

"We don't do anything."

In the next room the hourglass ran out of sand and Meg did not renew it. It was their final bounce in time and then it would be over. The end was coming.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

"The pawn is the soul of chess."  
**François-André Danican Philidor**

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

* * *

So? Did you like? Please review even to let me know what you think is going to happen- I'll give you a clue... We will be having a short apperance by someone who's name starts with 'G' and ends with 'd'. :D  
If I got any chess details wrong blame my dad, he told me all about the pieces and I took his word for it.  
Please review!

**Love,  
J.**


	19. Nearly Time

**A/N: H**ey! Sorry about the delay- I'm currently in America. 3  
This is slightly smaller than last chapter but next chapter (the LAST chapter) is MASSIVE! On that note I hope you enjoy and please review. X

* * *

"_You know when people wanna describe the worst possible thing? They say it's like Hell. Well, there's a reason for that. Hell is like, ah... Well, it's like Hell. Even for demons. It's a prison made of bone, and flesh and blood and _**fear**_."_  
Sam (Possessed by Meg) - **Born Under a bad Sign** (2x14)

"_Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself._"  
**Anonymous**

* * *

_No_.

Dean tired to suppress the scream as he fell to his knees. _Nononono_... They had been a single second away from saving Castiel and they had missed their chance. They... They had messed up. Dean had messed up and it was Castiel who was going to suffer. Dean had let one, no, possibly the, most important person in his life down. But that was what he always did. He always let those who mattered down.

Dean slowly pushed himself to his feet. He felt as if he was about to be sick and his head was foggy. He could barely balance as he pushed himself up against one of the walls, feeling the chipped stones and dried blood under his fingers. He swallowed the bile as he placed a hand on the side of his sweaty face. He was too scared to look at his watch yet when his eyes fell onto it he was not sure he could stop himself from being sick.

They... He had less than twenty minutes to get Castiel, Gabriel and Sam out of the building. He did not really care if he made it out or not. He pulled his eyes away from the little arm on his watch which indicated how many seconds were passing. Each small 'tic' was another second and his heart pounding against his chest fitted the timing.

Why had he not run faster? Dean knew that if he had tried harder he could have run faster. If he had run faster he could have made it to Gabriel in time to finish the spell. They could have gone back to that dreadful day and stop everything from happening. Castiel would forget how much he had suffered and he would be the timid angel he had been. Castiel would have been safe.

If Dean had tried harder maybe Castiel would have been safe and only he and Gabriel would know what had happened. Why had he not pushed himself that little bit harder? He should have pushed himself harder! Maybe if he had... no. He silently shook his head. Maybe's were not going to help. He needed to pull himself together if he stood a chance at stopping the second half of the deal. He needed to get everyone out of the building before it was too late but how could he get everyone out in under twenty minutes? Lucifer would have demons everywhere and maybe he was there waiting for their next move.

Dean shivered- the idea of Lucifer waiting outside the door was terrifying. How was he meant to go up against the bloody Devil? The Colt couldn't kill him and Gabriel wouldn't be able to get the jump on him... could he? Dean bit his lip as he finally balanced. With the right distraction Gabriel _could_ get the jump on Lucifer. Maybe Gabriel would be strong enough to kill Lucifer; after all he was an archangel just like Michael and Lucifer. If Michael could kill Lucifer that meant Gabriel should be able to.  
It could work, Dean knew that. Would Gabriel be ready to kill his older brother to save his baby brother? Dean did not know and he knew it would be wrong to put Gabriel in that situation but it was their last chance. If Gabriel did it the deal would be broken and Castiel would be safe. If the deal was broken then Castiel wouldn't have to leave. He could stay and Dean could help him get over everything that had happened over the last two months. The worst two months of Dean's life and he knew that for Castiel it had been even worst. Dean never wanted Castiel to have to suffer ever again.

He was ready to go back to Hell if it meant keeping the angel safe.

Dean scanned his surroundings, amazed to find he was not alone in the large room. In the corner at the very opposite corner of the room was a figure tied up to a chair. The man's head looked too heavy for the beaten body as it simply hung down. The man's brown hair was a mess, dried blood covering it and his chest was covered it cuts and bruises. Next to the chair (on the cold floor) lay a white shirt and a trench coat. Dean felt himself freeze as he whispered the man's name. "_Cas_?"

Blue eyes slowly flickered open and Dean quickly started undoing the knots on the rope which held his angel down. Castiel watched him carefully and Dean guessed the angel was assessing if it really was him or another trick by the demons. Dean's heart nearly broke as Castiel flinched away from his touch. "It's me Cas." Dean finished undoing the final knot before kneeling in front of the angel. "It's me... Dean." He placed a hand on the side of the angel's face before catching eye contact. "I'm getting you out of here. I promise." Dean recognised the look Castiel gave him. It was the look which told him not to make promises he could not keep. It was the look which told him to run and leave him behind. It was the look which told him Castiel was happy to die for him. It was the look which broke Dean's heart every single time he saw it.

It happened in a swift movement. Dean moved closer as slowly as he could so he wouldn't scare Castiel. He kept eye contact as he leaned in and placed his lips on Castiel's. Dean had kissed before (of course he had) but as Castiel responded he had to admit he had never really _kissed_. His heart gave a tiny summersault and his fingers had an odd tingling in them. He felt _warm._ When he pulled away he saw the look Castiel was giving him- it was a look he had given him so many times before yet Dean had never been able to name. It was the look Dean had only just worked out.

It was the look which whispered 'I love you'. Dean resisted the urge to tell Castiel the same as he pushed himself to his feet and handed Castiel his shirt. He would have time to tell him later. "We need to find Sam and Gabriel." Dean whispered the words but Castiel still nodded, painfully putting the white shirt on. Once he did the last button up he looked at Dean with large blue eyes, silently asking what they were going to do next. He still was not sure if it was truly Dean or a figment of his imagination. He couldn't believe Dean would ever be so caring... He wasn't acting like Alastair said he would. Castiel was confused but he wanted (_needed_) to believe it was really Dean so he played along.

Castiel knew that even if it was Dean (and that was a very big if) there was no way he was going to get out of that building alive. He shivered at the confession but he knew it to be true. Lucifer was not going to allow him to get out of the building alive. He knew that deep down Dean knew it but neither of them could voice it. Castiel also knew that if Dean did not leave without him then he might be hurt in the process of Castiel returning to Hell.

How was it going to happen anyway? Castiel could not help but wonder. Was it going to be Hell Hounds? Was Lucifer going to stand by and watch his little brother be torn into shreds? Castiel knew it was a strong possibility. What other options were there? Technically being shot by the Colt would kill him- but for angels, unlike demons, it was a slow poisoning and it could take several hours to kill one average angel. Seeing that Castiel was very near his weakest it would only take a few minutes for the poison to kill him. He knew that with all the rush to save Sam the last few days had been the perfect chance to grab the Colt so that was another strong possibility.

Of course there was one more possibility but Castiel tried not to think of it. It was a ridiculous idea but no matter how hard he tried to ignore it there was a big chance it could become true. As much as he hated it he knew it was just as likely as the other two.

If Lucifer wished, he could kill Castiel himself. It would not take much effort but Castiel could not bring himself to believe Lucifer would actually kill him with his own two hands no matter how easy it would be.

Castiel nibbled his lip as he thought about it. Would Lucifer really kill him? After everything that had happened between them would Lucifer really be able to stand tall as he made the life fade out of Castiel? His own baby brother. Could Lucifer really do that?

Castiel knew Lucifer would do it if the need came but he could not imagine the big brother he had idolized until the day Lucifer had fallen. The day Lucifer had chosen to abandon him. Because that had been what had hurt Castiel the most- back then he had not cared about the tiny little humans. What had hurt the baby angel the most had been the fact Lucifer had left him behind as if he did not care – Castiel had been left behind and soon after Gabriel had left him. Castiel had grown up thinking he was the problem and that he wasn't _worth_ _keeping_. He had been left in Heaven all alone to try to pick up the pieces. Sure, the odd angel had been there- he had grown close to Anna but even she had left him. No prayers were ever answered and slowly Castiel had stopped praying, slowly but he had. He knew if he kept praying he would have to lie and he could not do that.  
Castiel had grown up alone and he had slowly become used to being alone. Uriel had been one of the only angels to remain close to him but Castiel had never really trusted the older angel.

Important figures in Castiel's life always left him- it was that simple. He knew there would never be any changing that fact. It was part of what made him who he was because the fact he had learnt when he could barely fly had shaped him. In the end everyone left him because he was common and replaceable. He knew that and he was ready to give himself because nobody had ever told him he was worth saving.

When he had started to be unsure of his orders he had been dragged back to Heaven. He had been tortured as if he was nothing more than another little soldier. His wings still had the scars from the brutal attack his own brothers had used to beat him back to who (_what_) they wanted him to be.

He had taken it and when he had first returned to his vessel he had been too scared to say anything but what they had ordered him to. God, he had been so scared. After all- Heaven's baby really was that. Castiel was still only a child who was leaning and when Dean joined with trying to force him back into 'his place' Castiel had never felt so _small_ and he had been ready to do anything to erase the look of hate Dean had given him.

That had been the first time Castiel had died for Dean and Castiel had never regretted it.

But the theme remained- everyone left Castiel. His Father, Lucifer, many of his 'friends' who fell, Gabriel, Anna, Uriel... the list kept growing. Everyone left him sooner or later because nobody cared enough to stay. Castiel knew that if he made it alive (which he did not believe he would) then Lucifer would kill Sam and take him to Hell. Sam _would_ break and say yes- everyone breaks in the end.

If Lucifer did kill Sam then the last two months would have been for nothing. Castiel could (would) not stand by and allow Lucifer to harm the young Winchester. If Sam was hurt then Dean would hate him and to be honest if he had to choose between Dean hating him and Hell he knew which one he would choose.

"Come on Cas!" Dean urged him to follow him out of the unlocked door and as Castiel stepped closer Dean reached out and grabbed him hand.

Silent words Dean could not bring himself to say hurt his tongue. He wanted to tell the angel he loved him. He wanted to tell his angel he would gladly die to protect him but the only thing he could do was slip his hand around Castiel's warm hand and silently tell him how he could never live without him.

Dean silently begged Castiel not to leave him and Castiel wondered if Dean would even miss him.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Lucifer had never truly felt fear.

Yes, he had been scared when he had first been trapped in his cage but he had never felt true, pure _fear._ The fear of the cage had been mixed with so many emotions it had made his head spin. As he stood in the shadows he felt pure fear for the first time.

He could sense Castiel and Dean quickly walking to where his plan to would start and he knew Gabriel and Samuel were also running in the same direction. They would probably run for several minutes before finding the room. The moment time was up Lucifer would have to kill his baby brother. He was going to have to kill his little brother in the matter of minutes.

Lucifer had never had a problem with killing. He had developed what some might call a taste for it over time but killing his own brother? That was another thing completely. How was he meant to stand and watch his beautiful soul ripped from him and torn into a thousand pieces before being pulled to Hell? He had no idea how he was going to do it. He was desperate for his brother to see sense and to join him but Castiel was too bloody stubborn. Lucifer knew he should have predicted it, after all Castiel took after him. Lucifer had taught him nearly everything and yet he was going to kill him. He was going to send him to Hell.

_Castiel was tiny, barely able to balance on his little feet and his wings were still the golden colour baby angel's wings were. His blue eyes glittered like diamonds and his little lips were slightly pushed out in what humans would call a pout. His little thin arms reached out for Lucifer to pick him up as he stumbled towards his big brother. He could feel the worry radiating off Lucifer and he wanted it to go away.  
"Wucifer?" Castiel nearly fell and Lucifer quickly caught him before holding him tight in his arms. "Wucifer wowwy?" Castiel struggled with the words he forced out.  
"Lucifer is fine Castiel." Lucifer moved the annoying little lock of hair off the angel equivalent of a toddler's face. "I'm even better now I've seen you." He held Castiel tighter than usual as he walked on the long green grass.  
"Wucifer seems wowwy." Castiel struggled more than even as he wrapped his arms around Lucifer's neck. He wanted to chase all his brother's worries away.  
"Worried not worry." Lucifer corrected Castiel without any passion. "I've just been busy, don't worry about me." He placed the side of his face on Castiel's head as he breathed in the sent of honey from the little angel's hair. _

"_Casti-yel..." Castiel struggled to say his name yet gave it his best shot, "done something wrong?" Blue eyes looked sadly at his brother as if begging him to forgive him.  
"No!" Lucifer quickly moved his head back so he could see Castiel's face. "What in Heaven made you think that?"  
"Michael and Gabriel mad at Casti-yel." Castiel seemed to shrink deeper into Lucifer's warm arms. He liked the warm. "Maybe Wucifer mad too. Casti-yel sowwy." He had always struggled with the word 'sorry' and Michael often scolded him for it. Lucifer always smirked at his struggled attempts at speech. He was learning slowly but it was clear in his eyes he knew what other were saying.  
"It's not your fault," Lucifer placed his forehead on Castiel's. "I swear."  
"Weally?" Castiel seemed to shine that little bit brighter at his brother's words.  
"Of course not." Lucifer kept his forehead against Castiel's. "Castiel never makes Lucifer sad or angry." A bright smile crossed the little angel's face and Lucifer decided he would worry about the humans later. "You could never do that my peculiar little brother."_

_For the moment he would just hold his little brother and keep all the hurt and worry away from him as long as possible. _

Lucifer flinched at the memory. He could still feel the warm from Castiel's embrace around his neck. When he had left Castiel still had gold wings but there had been the odd ash feather. He had fallen when Castiel was still so very small... He had left him alone and he was about to kill him.  
He had to be the worst brother in all of the brothers there had ever been.

There wasn't long before it would be time and as Lucifer ran a hand through his hair, his thoughts wandering to the first time he has seen Castiel after returning.

_Castiel had walked straight into the trap Lucifer had carefully prepared for him yet as Lucifer looked at the far older version of the little angel he remembered he could barely recognise him.  
"Hello brother." Fear crossed Castiel's face as he heard Lucifer's silky voice. Lucifer inwardly flinched. Castiel feared him and that fact hurt him far more than he had thought it would.  
Castiel carefully looked at the flames around him and Lucifer felt his heart break. He had no choice in trapping the younger angel but that didn't mean he wanted to. Castiel scanned the room before finally turning to face Lucifer and the look of fear and hate on his face made Lucifer half wish he was still in his cage. _

"_Lucifer." Castiel whispered his name and Lucifer slowly moved. He kept his face light so Castiel could not see how much it hurt- so he could not see how the coldness cut him more than any weapon.  
Lucifer moved from where he was standing and felt Castiel's gaze follow him. "So I take it you're here with the Winchesters." Lucifer kept watching his baby brother as he moved swiftly.  
Castiel hesitated as he kept following Lucifer his wonderful blue eyes. Lucifer was glad they had not changed colour over time. "I- came alone."  
Lucifer stopped his slow walking. "Loyalty. Such a nice quality to see in this day and age." He took in Castiel's vessel. "Casti-yell, right?" He said Castiel's name like Castiel still said it when he had last seen him and Lucifer half hoped for some form of reaction. Anything. _

_Castiel gave a tiny nod, his face only seeming more nervous. Lucifer restarted his pacing. "Casti-yell..." Lucifer lost track of the next few sentences exchanged. His eyes took in the face behind the vessel and his heart seemed to pause as he saw the odd gold feather on Castiel's wings. _

_They spoke in short sentences for a few seconds and Castiel showed his loyalty to the brothers as he swore he would not let Lucifer near the youngest Winchester. Lucifer's heart broke as the fear was replaced by what Lucifer guessed was hatred. _

"_Casti-yell." He used the name gently. "I don't understand why you're fighting me..." he really didn't "of all the angels!"  
"Do you really have to ask?" Castiel's tone spoke so many things he could not voice. The betrayal. The fact Lucifer had chosen to leave him behind. His eyes flashed with hurt and anger as he kept watching Lucifer as if he expected Lucifer to hurt him any second.  
"I rebelled, I was cast out! You rebelled, you were cast out!" Lucifer had a hint of desperation in his tone as he silently begged his brother to let emotion slip into his voice or show he still cared (even a little) about his brother. "Almost all of Heaven wants to see me dead and if they succeed guess what? You're their new public enemy number one." God, he hated the idea of all of Heaven wanting Castiel dead but he wanted (needed) Castiel to see his side of it. Castiel's eyes moved to the floor. "Like it or not-" Lucifer flinched, "We're on the same side so why not serve your own best interests which just happen to be mine?" He silently begged for his brother to join him. In all his time in his cage Castiel had been the one thing he had missed. More than the sun or anything else he missed the little angel who smelled of honey. _

"_I'll..." Castiel looked up defiantly, "...die first." And with three words Lucifer felt all his hopes die. _

Lucifer's grip in Nick's short hair tightened. He did not want to do it. He wanted it all to be over and Castiel just to join him without needing a fight. Was that too much to ask?

There was barely any time before it was going to happen and he felt a few tears threaten to fall.

He couldn't... Lucifer didn't want to have to hurt Castiel... Why did it have to be this way? Couldn't Castiel just see what was best for **him** and not everyone else? Why did he have to put those stupid humans before himself? They weren't worth him being hurt.

They were not worthy of his love or his loyalty- they didn't even respect him after everything that had happened. After everything he had risked and everything he had lost for them they still did not try to protect him. They hadn't even thanked him.

He hated how dispensable they made his brother look.

Castiel was worth a billion of them yet he did not see himself as worth anything. He kept dying, falling, nearly dying, being hunted, being _tortured_, killing his own brothers, going to Hell and more because he just didn't care what happened to him as long as those he loved and was loyal to were safe.

Like a lost puppy he loved the first ones to pay him any attention after being left like those he had loved. He had been abandoned and like a puppy he had become attached to the first ones who seemed to care. After Lucifer left him his world had fallen apart and he had been left alone.

Because of Lucifer's betrayal he had slowly isolated himself and when he saved the human, Dean Winchester, he had no longer felt alone. He had slowly become close to Dean and Lucifer knew Castiel loved the human with every fibre in his being.

It hurt that because of him (because Lucifer had been the first domino to fall in the game which was Castiel's life) that Castiel fell in love with the human and was ready to go to Hell for over two centuries to prove he wasn't weak.

The little angel wanted to prove himself to everyone and he wasn't going to back out of it.

Lucifer felt the warm tears roll down his suddenly cold skin. He could not help but weep.

What was he meant to do? He couldn't hurt Castiel... Not his little Castiel...

What was he meant to do?

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Crowley and Bela were trapped.  
There was no way out of the large room.

"Lucifer does not take kindly to traitors." Alastair smiled as he twisted his dagger in his stolen hands. "Sadly for him he couldn't come so I guess it's up to us." He glanced over to the female demon who stood next to him and Crowley could not help but freeze. It wasn't possible... She was meant to be dead...

"Who do you want to take my dear?" Alastair moved a hand so he was handing his spare dagger to the female demon. She grinned as she took the little dagger and she looked up menacingly.  
"You take the little bitch- I'll take Crowley." She twisted her body so she was ready to pounce and Crowley felt Bela freeze next to him. They were screwed.

"Do you really think Lucifer is going to keep us around once he kills all humans?" Bela stepped away from Crowley. "He will kills us straight after them!"  
"She does speak rubbish, doesn't she my dear?" Alastair looked at the other demon and she nodded grimly.  
"Our father loves us. You two are traitors and your stupid lies aren't going to work." The demon shifted her weight from foot to foot. "You are not worth being here so near his presence!" Her face was red with anger.  
"_You_ are the stupid one." Bela growled the words. "You will be dead the moment he wants it- he will only let you live as long as you are useful to him you stupid whore."

Crowley flinched. Bela's choice of words were _not_ wise.

It happened in a second.

The female demon gave a swift nod to Alastair before she jumped towards Crowley and Alastair jumped at Bela. Both held their weapons tightly and Crowley barely had a second to blink before he hit the floor and the demon landed on top of him.

Her small fist hit his face and his head seemed to snap to the side. "You came here to help those useless brothers and archangel save the brat angel." She snarled the words and Crowley felt like fleeing. He had been trying to assist the Winchesters and Gabriel save Castiel. He did not want anything to happen to the angel- he had suffered enough.  
"How are you alive?" He grabbed her fist and rolled over so he quickly grabbed the knife and had it pressed to her neck. "The brothers killed you!"  
"Lost of us are back." She liked her lips. "Both sides are growing, ready for the war. Azael is back, I'm back, angels are back... both armies are stronger than ever and there is nothing stopping us from fighting when our father gets his final soldier."

With a single kick she knocked Crowley off her and grabbed her knife back. "It's your chance to tell us what you know and you'll have a quick death."  
"Piss off Ruby." Crowley growled the words as he saw Alastair stab Bela. She had been a young demon- she wasn't anywhere near strong enough to fight an old demon like Alastair.  
Ruby smirked as she brought the dagger up in the air. "You are going to wish you hadn't said that Crowley." Her eyes changed to black and Crowley scanned the room. There had to be a way to get away from the two nutters.

"When Lucifer kills you I'll look forwards to saying 'I told you so'." He slowly provoked her as he planned what he was going to do next. It was his last chance to get out of there alive and in one piece.  
"Even if he did, which he won't, you won't be alive to do it." Ruby seemed to have a small amount of doubt in her eyes and Crowley wondered if Bela would be brought back. He hoped so. She had never truly deserved to become what she was to begin with.  
"Ruby! Kill him we're running late." Alastair sounded annoyed yet Ruby did not move from her position on-top of Crowley's form.

"He will kill you Ruby. Do you like being dead or something?" Crowley slowly shifted under her grip and got ready to make his move.  
"He won't hurt us..." She blinked as she shivered ever so slightly. She wasn't sure what she believed was true. She was doubting and that was _good. _Crowley knew the doubt would slowly grow in the back of her mind. He had left the seed and it was going to grow and grow until she believed it. Crowley knew it because that was what had happened to him.

She shifter her hand (the one which held the dagger) and hesitated. Crowley kicked as hard as he could and smirked as she flew into Alastair. He left his vessel almost immediately.

A single thought crossed his mind as his vessel hit the floor completely lifeless. Ruby had been correct on one fact: the war was coming. It was coming fast and all sides were getting bigger by the second. Both Heaven and Hell were at their strongest compared to what they had been for a very long time. Many who had been killed on both sides were back and that only meant that the war was going to be big. It was going to be massive and it was going to hit everyone full on at full force.

There was no avoiding war, not anymore.

The moment Lucifer got his final weapon war was going to begin and then? Then the real Apocalypse was going to start and then nobody was going to be safe.

When Lucifer got his new weapon Crowley knew they would all be completely and utterly screwed.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Dean nearly fainted with relief as he and Castiel spotted Gabriel and Sam moving down an attached corridor.  
"Sam?" He gaped with relief as he rushed over to his brother, dropping Castiel's hand quickly. Castiel guessed Dean was ashamed of him and it was fair enough.  
"Dean!" Sam grinned as he rushed over and hugged his brother. "We thought you two were..." He stopped himself from saying the word 'dead' as he saw Castiel who was probably going to be dead in a matter of minutes. "Hey Cas."  
Castiel nodded at the greeting.  
"You pushed me off a bloody roof!" Sam glared at the angel and Castiel just gave a shrug.  
Castiel gave Sam a hard look before shrugging again... He had no emotion on his face as he replayed Dean dropping his hand in his head. Yes. Dean had definitely been ashamed of him.

Dean glanced from his brother to Castiel before his gaze met with Gabriel's.  
"Did you guys run into any demons?" Dean asked the question gently yet Gabriel's face turned deadly serious- miles away from the joy of seeing his little brother.  
"No. Not a single one." They all knew what the lack of demons meant.

It was a trap. Around a corner Lucifer was probably awaiting eagerly his chance to take Castiel from them. Dean could see the dark smile in the back of his mind and wondered if there was anything which made Lucifer even pause for a second. Was there anything which Lucifer would even regret doing... How could he be so ready to send Castiel back to Hell? Dean could understand being mad at his Father and wanting to come first for once but he could never imagine hurting Sam so how could Lucifer hurt Castiel?

Dean's eyes slipped towards the young angel, whose head was bowed and his arms crossed. His hands were closed in tight fists. His eyes looked distant and Dean could hear his watch slowly ticking. Each second hit him like a fist.

They were running out of time.

"We need to get going-" Gabriel's words awoke Dean from his thoughts. "If we run into Lucifer I'll fight him and you guys need to get out of here." Sam's grip tightened on Gabriel's arm and his eyes widened. If he got into a fight with Lucifer there was a large chance there would be no seeing him again. Sam's grip tightened and Castiel felt his head slowly pound.

'_Don't they know?_' Jimmy's voice was a gentle reminder that it wasn't just his life ending.  
'_They know. They just won't admit it._' Castiel silently answered. Sorrow filled him. '_Nobody is going to fight Lucifer. Nobody is going to end this deal._' He allowed his weight to move from one foot to the other. '_I'm so sorry Jimmy...'  
_Jimmy let out a small laugh. '_Don't be. We did good. Just... make sure my family know I'm gone. Please. I don't blame you.'  
'You should.'_ Castiel felt another wave of guilt hit him. _'I am sorry Jimmy.'  
'I know.'_ Jimmy's voice was kinder than Castiel knew he deserved. _'Just do me one thing- don't let him win. Remember who you are no matter what so when you come back he won't win.'  
'What if I can't?'_ Castiel asked the question yet Jimmy had already faded to nothing. Jimmy was gone and Castiel was left alone in the skin of the man he had killed. He was a scared little pawn left in the middle of the chess board awaiting Lucifer's next move.

For the first time in his stay out of Hell Castiel truly felt alone.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Iris gently weighed the gun in her hands. It was nice and light, easy to swap from hand to hand and it fitted nicely in her small, stolen hands. Her father had given her orders and no matter how much she disliked them she was going to do them.

She could hear the sound of footsteps coming down the hall and she triple checked her surroundings. All the bodies where in place and each blood splatter seemed perfect. She knew she had seconds before they ran in and then it was time to finish everything once and for all. She as going to make her father proud- she knew it.

The doors slammed open and she moved her two arms behind her back, holding her gun behind her body ready for the moment she would take the life she had been told to.

The two angels and two humans walked into the room- Gabriel and Dean clearly ready for a fight. Samuel looked like he had no idea what he should be doing and Castiel... Castiel looked like he had given up.

"You made it!" Iris put on her charms as she moved forwards, "I took care of most of the demons..." She watched them look at her bloody clothes. "Did you run into any of the ones remaining?"  
"No..."Dean sent Gabriel a suspicious look and the angel sent a small nod towards Dean. "We didn't."  
"Good!" She grinned. She knew it was time to pull the gun out but it suddenly felt heavy in her grip. She had never had a problem with killing before but something inside of her was begging not to do it. She had the option to disobey her father and help them before he returned. She had the option to help save the angel. She had seconds to decide.

Dean looked at the room around him and had to admit the fight that must have gone on in there had to have been big- blood was splattered everywhere and bodies lay still on the floor. Gabriel seemed to inch closer to Sam protectively and Castiel kept eye contact with the demon. The vessel the demon was using was covered in blood and yet none of it was hers. Not a single mark was shown on her pale flesh and as she stood with her arms behind her back her eyes seemed to chance from innocence to malice.

"So you didn't run into any other demon when coming here?" Her head tilted and her blood-stained hair fell over her face. She was the perfect mix of innocence and horror.  
"No." Gabriel answered the question slowly trying to work out what was going on- what was going on? Castiel's eyes held the answer and if any of them had looked they would have seen what was held in his eyes. There was fear, knowledge, sorrow, surrender and most importantly a hate directed to the demon that stood in front of them in the skin of a child.

Castiel knew what was coming next and as he shut his eyes the doors they had walked into the trap from slammed shut.

It was nearly time.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Lucifer and the two demons stood tall as the doors shut. None of them showed any form of emotion on their faces.

As everything always seemed to everything happened in a flash.

Gabriel jumped towards Lucifer, ready to fight with his sword in his hand.

The demons which had arrived with Lucifer grabbed Samuel and Iris pointed the gun at Castiel, sending Dean a smirk as the colour in her eyes was replaced with a dark black. She was giving Dean a choice- if he tried to save Sam she would shoot Castiel.

The fight between Lucifer and Gabriel was brief as Lucifer hit Gabriel with a force which sent him flying to the wall- his archangel sword slipping from his fingers and rolling towards Lucifer's feet. As Gabriel slammed against the wall Lucifer bent over and caught the still rolling metal in-between his fingers before pulling himself up just as Gabriel hit the floor flat on his stomach. Gabriel's eyes widened as he pushed himself to his knees, taking in the scene around him. They had walked straight into the trap the Devil had prepared and their plan had failed.

**Five minutes, twenty seconds left.**

Lucifer tightened his grip around the cold metal in his right hand. It was nearly time- he could feel it in his vessel's bones. It was nearly time for one person in the room he stood in to die. His gaze travelled back to Gabriel and as their eyes met it was clear Gabriel knew what was going to happen next.

Gabriel had always been clever.

Lucifer felt a small pang of guilt as he moved his left and up and gently snapped his fingers sealing the end of the night.

Large flames burst to life around Gabriel, trapping him in a round cage away from what was going to happen next. Lucifer spared him a glance as Samuel was pulled further away from Dean and Castiel by the two demons. Iris shifted her dark gaze towards her father awaiting his approval.

Lucifer sent her a small nod before her head quickly snapped to look at Dean and Castiel. Her air snapped from Castiel to Dean and without a moment of hesitation she pulled the trigger- she wanted her father's approval more than anything and as the bullet shot through the air the one thing Lucifer had not taken into consideration happened.

As Gabriel got to his feet Castiel quickly twisted his body, pulling Dean down to the floor with him.

The bullet cut through flesh and caused blood to squirt onto the already bloody wall.

The two men fell.

There was silence.

**Five minutes, ten seconds left.**

* * *

"_Faith is believing there's nothing left."  
_**Unknown**

* * *

Believe me when I say- I nearly killed Gabriel. Well, originally I did but I changed my mind. :D

So? Good? Please review and let me know- the faster you review the faster you find out what happens to Cas. :)

**Love,  
J.**


	20. Whisper a single Whimper

**A/N: ****H**ey! Oh my Cas... this is our last chapter. Dean and Gabriel have 300 seconds to save Castiel!

Seeing you all reviewed so fast and I love you guys I updated early! Am I not the best?

I hope the ending does not let my story down- also, once you read could you please review? I have never put so much effort into a chapter! My eyes and head hurt from how long I've sat here and I hope it was worth it. X  
Hope you all enjoy!

Oh- the songs _'Watch me bleed' _by Scary Kids Scaring Kids and _'Requiem for the nameless dead' _performed by Adrian von Ziegler go well with this chapter. If you have time play either of these in another tab when reading. You won't regret it. :'D

* * *

"_This is the way the world ends,  
Not with a bang, but a whimper_."  
**T. S. Eliot**

"_The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it_."  
Castiel – **On the Head of a Pin** – (4x16)

"_God doesn't require us to succeed; He only requires that you try.__"  
_**Mother Teresa**

* * *

**Five minutes left.**

The farmhouse was silent for the first time in what felt like years. Castiel had pushed Dean out of the way of the bullet just in time and they had fallen to the ground before everything seemed to just stop as Iris brought the gun down with a bitter smile on her lips, black eyes watching. Neither of the two men moved after hitting the ground. Blood was splattered on the furthest wall and the bullet was deep in the already cracked plaster. Sam froze in his attempts to get out of the demon grips and get to his brother- Gabriel stared helplessly at the holy fire that burnt lively around him. Neither could get free to save their brothers. Both were left useless and only able to watch as one of the men finally pushed himself to his knees.

Dean moved to his knees just as Castiel pushed himself into a sitting position. The deep gash on his arm seemed to be no worry to him as he moved to face Dean, his eyes full of worry- as usual, none of the worry was for himself and he was the one who was going to go to Hell the moment the clock struck twelve. "Are you okay?" Dean could feel the question leave Castiel's lips without the other ever needing to speak. How could Castiel worry about him at such a time? It was not Dean bleeding onto the ground. It was not Dean who was going back to Hell. Yet it was Dean that Castiel was staring at like he thought he was about to collapse to the ground any second. Dean would never understand how Castiel could still be so scared for anyone and everyone but himself. There was no way Dean could be that calm if he had to return to Hell. He would scream and shout and hit anyone he could but Castiel just worried about everyone else.  
"Yeah," Dean whispered as he glared at Iris who simple smirked innocently at him before running her fingers over the gun. She had just tried to kill him after he had saved her life- so much for wanting revenge against the demons that had made her into what she was. She had been on Lucifer and Alistair's side all along. She had always been planning against them and they had helped her.

Gabriel could feel his heart beating even quicker as Lucifer's lips twisted into a fake smile (he knew it was fake because he knew his brother) and his eyes took in everything that stood before him. There were discarded vessels lying on the floor, limbs spread out and eyes open. Some had lips open in silent screams that would continue forever- they would live forever in what remained of the derelict building. Each lost soul, forever begging to be saved. Eight were left standing- one fallen angel, two angels, three demons and two hunters. Two sets of siblings. Two sets of lovers and one was going to die- they all knew it like the souls that were already watching knew that they would never be saved.  
"So," Lucifer kept his voice slippery, too cold for them to understand how he felt. Why? Because the Devil, a fallen angel should not feel such a terrible dread. "This leaves a dilemma." He moved his weight to one foot as he watched Dean help Castiel to his feet, yet after the other stood neither let go of the other's hand. Gabriel stared at him in pure horror as he realised what was going to happen next as the two demons who wore blood-stained white clothes stepped forwards, pulling Sam with them. "And it leaves a **big** choice for you guys to make."

_Lucifer had a choice. He could either go directly to Michael and beg him to join him in his cause (which, he was sure his brother would do) __or__ he could go and get one final member for his side. He could either go directly to his older brother or he could go to his smallest brother. If his plan did go wrong (which it wouldn't) he did not wish to leave Castiel alone in Heaven with the angels which would remain. He had two directions he could go in. He had about five seconds to choose and his mind was racing. _

_Over the last few years he had grown to love Castiel just as much as Michael- he had grown protective of him and he did not wish to leave him if his plan did go terribly wrong (which it wouldn't). He had taught the little angel to fly and much of what he knew with the help of Gabriel. He had been the one to protect him from Michael when he decided to 'get rid' of the little angel. He had been the one who had caught Castiel when he did not fly right and fell. He had been the one to reassure him when his human side (Lucifer had labelled it human but he did not consider it anywhere near as revolting as human) took over and the little angel doubted himself. _

_He was surely going to be fine – his Father was going to see sense. His new toy was ruined. It had destroyed itself and his Father would realise how much better His first children were. Lucifer had no doubt and he knew Castiel would join him in a second if it meant making him happy. He was like a human child when it came to that: the eagerness to please which would someday get him into deep trouble. Castiel loved all of his brother deeply and there was no denying that he followed Lucifer like a lost puppy. He idolised the older angel. He wanted him to be happy and if going with him on a mission he did not understand made Lucifer happy why would he argue? _

_So that left Lucifer a choice. If he went one way he could get his baby brother to join him.  
If Lucifer decided to go the other way he could get his older brother to join him._

_He loved both the same but his protective instinct for his little brother was stronger. He chose to go to Michael first – just in case. _

**Three minutes and ten seconds left.**

Sam tried to struggle out of the grips but he found that before he knew it he was standing before the Devil. The fear on everyone's face was highly amusing to Iris, who watched her father place a single, lone finger under the younger Winchester's chin. Sam tried to jerk away yet he was frozen in blind terror- like a baby rabbit to the headlights of a speeding car that wasn't going to even try to stop.  
"Get off him you bastard!" Gabriel yelled, trying to move further towards the hot flames but found he could not get any closer. He was useless. Trapped in a bubble without a way out of it, the only thing he could do was watch. He could only dread what was going to happen next.  
Lucifer sent him a warning glance before ignoring him and continuing with what he had been about to say, "Dean and Gabriel – this choice is all yours." He did not remove his deadly grip as he looked into Gabriel and Dean's eyes. "You can only save one of the above: Sam _or_ Cas." He looked at Castiel, who was clinging to Dean's hand just as hard as Dean was clinging to his. He hated Dean for it. "There is a vacancy in Hell and it needs a tenant."

Dean felt his fingers tighten around Castiel's warm fingers. He could feel the wet blood that was rolling down the angel's arm and onto his hand. "N-No... I won't choose." Dean stuttered, "Kill me- leave them alone." Castiel's eyes widened as he tightened his own grip and stared at Dean with wide blue eyes.  
"Sacrifice- the Winchester way," Lucifer laughed nastily (the laugh did not reach his eyes), "But not this time. Either Sammy dies or Casti-yell dies." He looked at both at Gabriel and Dean before asking both of them a single question that would decide how that day would end. The choice that would break two hearts forever and that would choose the fate of the Earth (and the innocent people who live upon the Earth). "Brother or lover?"  
"You wouldn't kill your vessel." Gabriel swallowed the nausea that seemed to be taking over him.  
"True," Lucifer shrugged as he let go of Sam's chin. "But I **can** send him to Hell till he breaks and says yes to me. Or I can send baby Castiel..." Lucifer hated how Castiel was still a baby in his eyes and deep down he was begging them to save him. He didn't want to hurt his baby brother. After everything that had happened how could they choose Sam over Castiel? "...to Hell and sent out the mother of all messages to all demons and angels- maybe gain a new weapon. Which one would be the one you don't want me to catch?" Dean glanced at Gabriel who stood as still as a statue, watching Lucifer smirk as both Sam and Castiel stiffened. The story going on inside Lucifer was completely different from what would have been guessed from his exterior. "I won't choose..." Dean swallowed again and he saw Gabriel do the same. There was no way out of this. He was going to lose his little brother or the love of his useless life and it was the exact same situation for Gabriel. Brother or Lover? He had no idea how he was going to cope without either- he had practically brought Sam up. He had gone to Hell for him. Castiel was his love, the one who had gone to Hell to protect him and his family – Castiel had given up everything for him. Sam had lost Jessica because of him. Castiel was hunted by his family because of him. Sam had died because of him. Castiel had died because of him. Sam had gotten addicted to demon blood. Castiel had gotten addicted to drugs because of him. One of them was going to go to Hell because of him and there was nothing he could do about it. He was going to break one of the two most important promises he had made in his life- the one he had made to Castiel or the one he had made to his Father. He was going to break one of the promises he had built his foundations on and there was no stopping it. He knew it and there really was no avoiding it.

Gabriel also had a thousand thoughts running in his head- each one practically identical to Dean's. Castiel was the baby of the family, the final creation of God. Sam was the most special person to have ever entered Gabriel's life. He had hurt Castiel so much in the past but he also hurt Sam. He had made Sam see his brother die one hundred ways. He had broken Castiel's ribs and made him bleed. He had pushed Sam to the edge. He had smashed Castiel's faith with a hammer. He had hurt both of them and now he was going to have to let one go to Hell as he remained _useless_ and _trapped_. His baby brother or the man he loved would be going to Hell in minuets and he couldn't stop it. Where was God? He was meant to love His children yet He still let all the pain happen. He still let His loyal son go to Hell and He was going to let yet another innocent soul go to Hell? **He **had created humanity yet He did not see it as 'His problem' to save the children who were ready to die to protect it from **His** son. Once upon a time in a land far away Gabriel had loved and served his Father... his brothers, but as he stood in-between the hot flames he felt no love. After all that time he finally found a side he would be glad to fight for and he was going to lose one of the reasons he would gladly fight for it. _If_ there was still a God Gabriel had no faith left for Him.  
"Lucifer... If you want to kill an angel kill me, I'm an archangel- that'll be one hell of a message." He stretched his arms out melodramatically. "Just leave them alone."

**One minute, one second left.**

"_**No**_." Everyone jumped at the sound of the voice who spoke the one, firm word as his hand slipped out of Dean's hand. "Nobody else is dying tonight and **nobody** is dying for me." Castiel said the words so surely that Dean remembered the him when they had first met. He had been so sure when he had said he was an angel of the Lord. He had been so sure in what he believed in. He had no reason to doubt anything. At the same time, Dean remembered the Castiel from his first trip to the future. Empty eyes and the desperate need to _forget_. He remembered his second trip to the future, and how in that future there was no Castiel. He refused to admit (even if to himself) that Castiel would become what he had seen. He didn't want to admit it. In the future Gabriel had told him some paths could not be avoided and at the time it made no sense. Yet as he thought back he finally got it. Whatever he did next he was going to lose Castiel. Gabriel was going to lose his little brother. Castiel was going to go back to Hell and there seemed to be no way to stop it.  
"Cas... no..." Dean had never been so close to begging before but he was considering it. He couldn't let Castiel go back to Hell for him.  
"I'm so sorry Dean," Castiel whispered the words just for him before pulling him close and whispering a final message just for his ears. Words that would be with Dean until the day he died, ringing and repeating in his ears again and again.  
"_No_..." The look on his face was the worst expression you will ever see. Worst than when John lost Mary. Worst than when Sam lost Jessica. Worst than when Dean lost Sam. Worst than when Dean first saw Sam drink demon blood. Worst than when Castiel had realised God simply did not care. Worst than when Gabriel had given up on his family. Worst than when Dean realised how long Castiel had been tortured in Hell because of him. Worst than when Castiel saw Dean kill him for the first time. It was a mix of all of them and so many more. His voice was so broken it hurt both of them like sharp glass. "_No_..." Dean was begging with all his soul in that one word. He had never begged harder. He couldn't do it without Castiel. "_No_..."

_Castiel had been trying to reach Gabriel for days – he had been told by one of the few angels he was still in contact with that Lucifer was planning something big. Castiel had wanted to just (like Dean would say) "Suck it up" but he was scared. _

_When he had first rebelled he had not known what was going to happen but as he tried to find Gabriel he wandered if it had all been for nothing. _

_He had fallen for his emotions but none of them were returned- he had fallen and he was alone. Gabriel was ignoring him and Lucifer was planning something. _

_He suddenly needed to scream. _

Castiel looked straight at Lucifer, trying not to flinch when he saw Dean fly to the wall behind them (probably placed there by Lucifer) and he watched Lucifer take a few steps towards him. It was ironic that it would be family that would kill him. No matter what, Lucifer was family. Castiel still loved his big brother. He did not want to and he had many reasons not to but he still loved the big brother who had taught him to fly. He was the first brother who had left him yet Castiel still felt like the small child he had been who needed his big brother's protection.  
"So you are just going to let me kill you?" Lucifer tried to read Castiel's face for fear but there was none that was directed for himself. He was scared for everyone but himself.  
Castiel shrugged (ignoring the pain in his arm because in not that long the pain was going to get far worse), "If you stick to your side of the deal." He could feel the poison spreading.  
Lucifer decided that Castiel was either the bravest angel (No. The bravest living thing) God had ever made or the most selfless. Maybe both. "You are ready to die for the people in this room? Why?"  
"Because they are family," Castiel replied, "Each and every one of them. Sam, Gabriel and Dean are my family." He did not look away from Lucifer's eyes. They were completely blank of emotion.  
Lucifer took another step forwards and time seemed to pause.

"_I can't do it!" The small angel whispered, "I really tried but I can't!" His blue eyes looked up at his brother, desperate in moment of pure emotion. For once it was not Gabriel who was trying to teach the little angel to fly and it was not Gabriel who moved the lock of hair off his little face. He was small compared to all the other angels and Lucifer knew he always would be. After all, he was the baby of the family so it seemed only fitting he was so small. He was small and fragile- he was the baby made of porcelain that needed to be protected.  
"Of course you can Castiel." Lucifer smirked, "You just need to try harder."  
"But I am trying Lucifer-" Castiel breathed out. "Maybe I'm not strong enough..." Lucifer would never forget how those young blue eyes looked at him. "What if I can't do it?"  
"You will." Lucifer nudged the young angel forwards, causing his beautiful wings to spread. He was different in so many ways from the other angels- only a few angels could see it but Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel knew the child-angel was different simply by looking in his ocean eyes. He was perfect in a way none of the other angels could dream of. He was a perfect balance of all their Father's creations. He held a power none of them could even dream of (metaphorically speaking) and they were to protect him. They did not need their Father to order it because it was their instinct to protect the fragile little child left in their care.  
"Really?" Such faith was kept in his eyes as his wings remained half-opened.  
"Yes." Lucifer watched as Castiel ran before flying for the first time alone. To the small humans on Earth he was just another shooting star. But to his main three big brothers? It meant Castiel was finally becoming what God wanted him to be. What that was, however, still a mystery to all of them. Lucifer, the Morning Star, did not know but he had no intention of letting Michael hurt Castiel. Nobody was going to hurt the little angel as long as he was around. _

**Ten seconds left.**

It all happened in a millisecond. There was a bittersweet moment Castiel did not recognise the silver weapon Lucifer held tightly. Then he recognised it- Gabriel's archangel sword. The sword he had dropped minutes earlier. He was going to be killed by his brother with the weapon of another brother.  
"NO!" Gabriel could only shout as Castiel gasped at the feeling of the metal breaking his skin- it sank deep into him, yet not deep enough to kill him (yet). Another millimetre and he would surely die. "Lucifer leave him alone! **NO**! Please NO! NO!" His cries went ignored as Dean tried to regain control of his mouth. "Let him go! Lucifer _please_! He's just a baby...! LUCIFER!" Gabriel's cries faded. Castiel could not breathe, never mind scream yet all he wanted was to cry. Lucifer took no notice of them as his forehead rested against Castiel's and they both slipped to their knees. Both Lucifer and Castiel stared at each other, a silent conversation ringing loudly. The smell of blood was too strong to ignore. The smell of the blood was making both Sam and Gabriel feel sick. Dean was too numb to feel sick. His little heart was pounding in his chest like a trapped animal. It couldn't be happening... He had to be able to stop it... He felt so numb it hurt and at the same time his heart was racing so fast he thought he would burst, or at the very least faint. After everything that had happened it was going to end like this. It wasn't ending with bravery or joy- it was ending with blood and fear.

The smell of blood kept on dancing around them, carrying all the tragedy in its wake with ease as it twirled up and down, dancing alone as it awaited its partner. The smell of blood needed no help as the already present tragedy carried it everywhere as they awaited the last addition. The death which was already there was hours old but the one they await would be fresh and new. The smell of the new death was what they awaited and when it arrived they would dance with it. Blood and death- the two smells and presents which summed up the occurrences of the day in a glorious dance of pain and carnage. But for the moment the smell of blood waited as it kept on dancing. Death would join it soon enough and the dance would be complete.

_Castiel had never been to Hell before. He had never been allowed to leave Heaven alone before because he was the smallest and many of the angels wanted to keep him safe. When he had first entered Hell he had been scared. When he had started fighting he could only hope he got to man he was there for in time. Part of him had known they would not make it in time but he had tried. He still got there too late though. He had been too slow. _

_The first thing he had noticed about the man was the look in his eyes as he tortured the soul. Unlike many others he was not enjoying it- he was separating what he was doing and his emotions. He wasn't really registering what he was doing. Why was such a pure soul in Hell? What had he done to deserve such a fait? Castiel could not work it out.  
"I'll be there in a second." The soul flashed him a broken smile as he cut the woman as deep as the razor would go and twisted gently in a swift movement he had come up with and he had taught a few others (a move which would be performed on Castiel a long time later on). Castiel spared the woman a glance. He knew she was there for murdering her little girl. She had beaten her own baby to death and nearly killed her son. He felt next to no pity for her- Castiel was always capable of feeling a little pity. It was his nature. It was how he had been made. _

_It was how God wanted him. _

_He had found the already broken seal. He had found him and as he grabbed his arm and the soul looked at him he started to fly. He was the one who had saved the soul- Heaven's baby was the one who had found the shattered seal and he was going to fix it. He placed a bit of his own Grace into the man, creating a special bond. He had saved the man and he had become part of the man. _

_Why the man had been in Hell he did not know for a long time. When he first met the man again he was surprised he was not remembered- it had sort of stung. He knew not why. Why did it matter the stranger he had met once did not remember him? It should not matter. He remembered seeing the soul in his worst and the lack of trust hurt. After all, he had been the one who had fixed him. _

_Later on Castiel would realise he had loved the soul from the moment he had grabbed his arm and flown away with him.  
He had loved him from the second their skins had touched. Castiel had never had any other choice. _

_Every road had led to the same destination.  
Every curve had pointed to this place._

_Castiel had never had a choice when it had come to loving Dean and dying for Dean.  
Even if he had been given a choice what would he have chosen? There was no other choice.  
_

_His fate had always been written. _

_There had never been a choice. _

Castiel had tried to move one of the metal chairs to stab Lucifer when he was not focused, but he found that it only moved less than an inch before Lucifer smashed it to a wall. "You learnt all your tricks from Gabriel, Cas." Lucifer told him sadly, "I taught them to him." Castiel opened his lips, yet only a line of red rolled from them. Whatever he whispered was only ever heard by Lucifer and once he heard them he did freeze for what might have been years before tightening his grip on the cool metal. "I am sorry Castiel."  
"No, you're not." Castiel let out the chocked words before saying what he knew would probably be his last words as himself. "And neither am I." He really did mean it. He would always be ready to save his family. God had made him loyal to the death (or so it would seem) and God had filled him with love. It would have been so much easier if he could hate his brother who held the weapon that was going to kill him. The weapon that was going to be the death of him and the one way ticket for him to return to Hell. Oh, he wished he could hate Lucifer. But he had never been good at hating had he?  
"Neither am I." He whispered again as more blood rolled down his face. His blue eyes looked sadly at his older brother, who had made all the wrong choices. He wished with all his will he could hate his brother but he really couldn't. No matter what Lucifer did he would always be Castiel's big brother. The clock struck twelve just as Lucifer pressed the weapon forwards, as deep as it would go. Castiel let out a small gasp.

Ironically his last thought was the fact that he had never had a choice. He was always going to be the one to die to protect Dean.  
He had never had a choice when it had come to loving the broken soul he had fixed with his own essence. And to be honest he was glad he had loved Dean no matter what it did to him.  
He got to say for the first time since he was created he loved someone and they loved him enough not to leave him. _That_ had never happened before.

He had never had a choice about where his fate would lead him. There had only ever been one path.

So, as he gasped, he told himself he had made the right choices.

As he died he gave up any faith in his Father.

**Nothing.**

There was a bright white glow that filled the room, leaving from Castiel's open lips and his wide eyes. All the demons in the room seemed to just leave- Sam fell to the ground gasping from the grip that had been around his neck. The light did not last long and the moment it left with Lucifer both Dean and Castiel did fall to the ground without a sound. Only one got up and he ran to the lifeless body. Yet another body on the floor, the only difference being the large, charcoal and gold wings that were painted on the ground behind him. The mark that a young angel had been there. The mark that a baby angel did die there. Blue eyes stared up, not seeing and not blinking. His chest did not rise or fall. There was no movement apart from Dean running over before falling next to him, pulling the body (the _corpse_) of Castiel into his arms as he pulled the cold metal out of his already cold skin. He shouldn't be so cold. Why was he so cold? Dean let out a strangled sob as he clung to the body, rocking both of them gently. He rocked backwards and forwards as tears rolled freely down his beaten face. "Cass?" He whispered the name weakly, like a child who could not believe that his pet was not waking up- a child who had never seen death so close before. "No..." He kept on rocking as his tears dripped down onto Castiel's face. Blue eyes stared straight ahead, but it was like a piece of material had been pulled over them, making them faded. There was spilt milk over the blue crystals. Dean had always hated milk but as he saw it covering his Castiel's vision he hated it for yet another reason. It should not be there. "Please... you can't leave me... I promised to protect you..." He didn't register Sam trying to find something to free Gabriel with. He could only see Castiel, lying in his arms unmoving. "I promised." He sobbed again, each sob silent yet desperate. "I never break my promises... not to you." His lips pressed again the angel's forehead. "Please don't leave me Cas."

His fingers were deep in Castiel's hair as he held him tight. He was as cold as ice- and as unmoving as ice. Over the years Dean had seen many bodies, bodies of children and adults alike but they had never made him feel like he was feeling. He was feeling so _numb_ it hurt. "Cas..." He kept on rocking. "_I love you_." He realised he sounded like a little child calling for its mommy as he moved his right hand to the side of the angel's face; his left hand remained on Castiel's side. He noted plainly to himself that Gabriel was kneeling on the other side of Castiel, tears rolling down his face the same way they had down Dean's face when he had clung to a dead Sam. Gabriel placed a hand on the other side of Castiel's face and tried not to cry. He failed miserably as another set of tears rolled down his face. His fingers lingered in the air before moving over Castiel's faded eyes (faded yet still the most beautiful eyes Dean had ever seen) he took a deep, sharp, unnecessary breath before he moved his fingers down and gently pulled Castiel's eyelids down so he no longer stared at the ceiling. The last thing he had seen after his brother dropped him to the floor like an unwanted toy.  
"Oh Cass..." He whispered, "Why did it have to be you?" He rested his fingers on the side of his face for half a second before pulling away. Dean didn't need to look up to see a final tear roll down Gabriel's face before the flutter of wings filled the empty air. Dean simply looked down at Castiel as he tried to work out why he hadn't stopped him. After everything they had been through, Dean hadn't been able to save him. He had let him down the way he let everyone down. He had let the man that had lost everything for him and he would never be able to make it up to him. He had lost the most special creature (angel) in the universe because he did not try hard enough. "What am I meant to do Cas?"

_There was a moment Dean did not know what to say. Sam had gone to do research and Dean had intended to find some company- female company. Yet, he found himself sitting on his car's bonnet listening to the night wind. The moment he heard the sound of wigs he could not help but smile._

"_Hey Cas." He did not need to look up to see it was the angel he called a friend there. He knew it was him straight away- it had become part of his instinct to recognise when it was his angel there.  
"Dean." Castiel moved so he was in Dean's line of vision. "You should be more careful." Castiel's eyes moved towards Dean's wounded shoulder. Dean tried to ignore how his heart jumped at the worry in Castiel's voice. Nobody had ever been so worried about him in the way Castiel was. Sure, Sam worried but Castiel... there was something about Castiel that made Dean feel safe.  
"Sorry." He sent Castiel his biggest grin. Castiel sent him a small smile back and Dean could not help but allow his smile to grow. _

_That was the first time Castiel had smiled just for Dean and no matter how much he would have denied it at the time the smile had made him feel in a way he had never felt before for a man or a woman. _

_That very moment, as the beautiful smile crossed the angel's face Dean began to fall in love. _

He had been Castiel's first kiss (willing, not-a-deal kiss anyway). Castiel had been his first true love. He had been Castiel's first heartbreak. Castiel had been the first person who made him want to settle down. He had been the first to help Castiel _feel_. He had been ready to die for Castiel but Castiel had died for him. It was anything but fair that it was him clinging to Castiel's body. They should never have trusted Iris or gone to the old little village with the young girl that would forever haunt Dean in his dreams. Castiel had become another name on the list of people that had died in-between the bloody walls. His wings marking where he had been left. The only evidence of the sacrifice that had happened. It wasn't _fair_ that Dean always had to lose what (who) mattered to him. Angel blood covered him as he continued to rock forwards and backwards. When Sam placed a hand on his shoulder he flinched away. They had known that Dean would have saved Sam- Castiel had died knowing that Sam would have been the one to be saved. Dean hated him for it. He hated himself for blaming Sam but he couldn't not blame him. Castiel might still be alive if he had kept his guard up. They might never have been captured and Dean might have had time to find a way around the deal. He might have been able to stop Castiel from dying from the hands of his own brother. He might have been able to stop Castiel having to whisper what he did into Dean's ear. But he didn't (he couldn't) because he had to save his kid brother.

How could he not begrudge Sam for causing him to lose Castiel? It wasn't his fault nearly as much as it was Dean's fault but it was still also his fault. Neither had done what they should have. Sam had walked him straight to the people (monsters) which had killed him and Dean had taken too long. They had both let the angel down and there was no going back. In the silence a single question echoed. _'What am I meant to do without you Cas?'_

It might have been hours before Gabriel came back for Sam, without speaking a word and leaving Dean alone with the bodies. With Castiel's body. He did not move for many hours after that, by the time he did the sun was halfway up in the blood sky, the sky that was the same colour that Castiel and Dean were painted. The ruby red of death- Dean had never hated the colour or the stone more. When he finally did move, he carried the body with him. He had Castiel's final wish to complete then he would allow himself to give in to the burning fury. Then, and only then, would Dean allow himself to feel. Till then he was just going to ignore feelings. Yes, he decided as he lay Castiel in the back of the Impala, not caring about the blood that was sure to drip everywhere and mark everywhere his hands touched. He just had to detach himself. _That_ was the moment Dean's eyes went from agony filled to nearly dead- yet another ironic thing. After all, dead and deal were just one letter different from Dean. And that was how he was starting to feel- he felt dead inside because his reason for living lay lifeless in the back of the car, one of his arms had slipped so his fingers touched the soft floor of the car and his palm faced up. His blood covered Dean and stained him- a stain he would never be able to wash off no matter how much he would wash in the future. He had never felt so dead before and his heart felt like it was drowning in his own tears. When he started driving again he tried not to look at the body that lay on the seats in the back. He tried to remember Castiel laughing for the first time or his smile when Dean did something stupid. He tried to remember anything but the lifeless body that lay still. He tried not to remember the sound of his gasp as the metal broke his skin- he tried to remember anything but the empty eyes that had been staring up or the sound of his body hitting the ground like a bag of unwanted junk. He tried not to think about anything but the drive ahead of him. He should arrive at his destination by noon if he did not stop.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Claire Novak was smiling as she jumped around her house. It was her birthday and for the first time since her dad had left she felt happy. Her mother had left a few minutes earlier to go and get popcorn so they could watch a movie in the Novak style. They had always watched films with popcorn – her father had always said it was the best way to do it and she agreed. She wished her father was there but as she chose a film while humming to the next song that played from the IPod dock (she had put her playlist on shuffle). The next song that played was one of the sadder songs she had brought after her dad had left but she really loved it. 'Running up that Hill' played gently as she ran her fingers over the DVDs she had gotten for her birthday. Her blonde hair was long, down to her waist and straight. As she spun around towards the sound of the doorbell she grinned again as she stepped forwards, guessing her mother had forgotten the keys again. The pink badge on her white shirt announced her new age and her quick movements made her skirt flow around her. She did not have a care in the world at that moment.

She wore next to no makeup, a small bit of mascara and lip-gloss so she could show her mom she liked her presents. Her dad had always joked that one day she would be even more of a beauty and she did not realise that she had. She looked like all the positives from both parents had been passed down to her. She had not gone to church in a long time but she still did believe that God cared. Her father was still alive in a sense so God had to be looking out for them in one sense or another. So she still prayed.

She skipped across the room before calling out, "Really? It's the third time this week you've forgotten your keys mom." She grabbed the spare keys as yet another short and sharp ring filled the air. "Coming- chill." When she opened the door she felt her heart stop. The person who stood before her was the man she knew to be called Dean. The body in his arms was her father's. The blood that covered both of them was also her father's. "Daddy?" Dean stepped into the house with the body still in his arms. As she closed the door behind him she understood what it felt like to have one's life crash down around them. She had gotten her wish in a cruel sort of way- her daddy was back for her birthday.

Dean lay the body on the bare wooden table, placing Castiel's head down last. Castiel had asked him to return Jimmy's body to his family because it was only fair they knew. Dean understood that but he still struggled to let go of the body. Had there been so much blood before? He watched Claire slowly walk so she stood next to the table, her hand moving so it touched Castiel's... _Jimmy's_ cheek. "He's so cold." She whispered before closing her eyes.  
"I'm sorry- your father was a very brave man." Dean tried to comfort the girl but at her the sound of her voice he knew that she blamed _him_. That was fair enough- he blamed himself just as much as she did.  
"Did Castiel die as well?" She kept her eyes shut tightly but tears still rolled down her face unnoticed.  
"Yes." Dean felt like it was the first time he admitted it to himself. Castiel really was gone. "Castiel is gone." Was he telling her or himself?  
Claire gave a stiff nod, before sending him a hateful glare. "Leave. My mother will return soon- I want you gone." Dean left without a question. He did not notice the glow that filled the house as he shut the door behind himself. He noticed nothing but the fact the blood on him was still fresh.

After Dean left Claire leaned forwards, her eyes shut tightly as she kissed the cold forehead. When her eyes opened up they shone a deep gold and her voice seemed not to belong to her. "Oh, Castiel. I'm so sorry Son of Mine how I wish I could save you." Her fingers slipped down the side of his face. "I'm so sorry my baby boy I really wish I could save you..." The golden eyes took him in for several seconds as She looked at the wound that was death of him. He had been killed by one of his own siblings. A single, diamond tear fell down her young face, completely different from the others. "Forgive me My child. I couldn't save you." The golden eyes seemed too old to belong to her face and they were- yet she did not move for many minutes before She got to her feet and walked out of the back door leaving Jimmy for her mother to find. Before leaving She placed a kiss on his forehead. She had things to do and she didn't have time to pause yet when leaving She did pause as She looked at Her son once more before quickly looking away. She hated it but She could not cope to look at the body. As She stepped outside the gold left Her eyes and Claire Novak fell to her knees with a sob.

Claire Novak did not speak a word for the rest of her too short life after her mother came home to find her husband dead on the table.  
Claire Novak never spoke of what happened.  
Claire Novak dreamt of her father's lifeless body for the rest of her bitterly short life.  
Claire Novak never went back to church and she never prayed again.  
Claire Novak never loved anyone again.  
Claire Novak was walking home from school when a car pulled next to her and a stranger reached out, pulled her into the back before she could even scream. Her books lay on the ground in the rain where she dropped them.  
Claire Novak was killed by demons two weeks after she buried her father.  
Claire Novak died with no faith left.  
Claire Novak's body was left on a roof of a church, her lifeless body still on the cold tiled and her hair floating around her.  
Claire Novak died _alone_ and her mother drank so much that night she could barely stand- never mind drive a car.

On the Novak family separate headstones were cold words that did not summarise what had happened, each one ironic in its own way.  
On Jimmy Novak's headstone it read: '_He fought for those he loved till his last breath_' and on his wife's it read: '_A mother and a wife. The kindest woman you will ever meet._' (Her car smashed into another car. The only ones who made it were a small little girl and her brother. The girl was six years old and the boy was two years old. All of their family had been in the car.)  
On Claire Novak's headstone? For her the words were plain: '_A rose in-between too much hurt. May God look after her in Heaven._'She would have **hated** them and the white, bloody roses that lay on each of their graves seemed to mock them with their white and red petals.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Heaven and Hell were a mad rush of anger- heads bowed in pure pain and in pure anger. In Hell many demons stopped by as if to torture the angel yet, after making sure nobody (not even the angel himself) could see them they looked at the scene in front of them. Meg had left, knowing how easily Lucifer could lose his temper. She did not want her or her baby to be hurt. No matter what others believed she did love the beautiful creature which was growing inside or her. She wanted her baby safe and after seeing what Lucifer did to his own brother she knew what she had to do. She had to run.

In Heaven practically every angel, even those who had been on Lucifer's side, had diamond tears rolling down their faces. For them the fury would come later when the fact their all powerful, all present _Father_ had not even tried to save the little angel they had all loved. He was the diamond of the family- he was the diamond and they were quartz. They were made the same- but a tiny little detail inside changed and everything changed with it. He had been the last angel still pure enough to have gold wings.

Diamonds were anything but common and Castiel was the only diamond they had. He was their little diamond and they had lost him because they had been too blind. They had been too slow to see and in that time the goodness in him had caused him to do what was his nature- he fell in love and had died to protect the man (the _human_) he loved.

Some angels did not believe it and with each passing day they would wait for their Father to prove Himself and bring Castiel back. They waited yet it did not happen and slowly even the most loyal angel started to doubt. But who could they follow if not God or Lucifer? They all knew Michael followed God blindly (right?) so he was not an option. So who was there who could lead them when the time for a battle came? They knew there was a storm coming, even Joshua had said that the sands of time were still floating, waiting for their true master. When Castiel's baby was born it would be a new dawn for every single creation. She was going to be the first and only one of her kind. She was the key to the alliance between 'good' and 'evil'. Not that anyone believed in those terms anymore. The thin line between them was gone and the only good was going to be tortured for eternity by those who served the good's brother. It was sick.

Some demons, like Crowley, had no idea what to think. What were they meant to do? Lucifer knew which ones of the powerful demons were not completely on his side and it put them in direct shooting line. Crowley did not really care and as he sat at the small table in the corner of the tacky restaurant in west London he considered what options (what hope) remained. What were angels and demons meant to do next? Every plan so far had failed. He was going to protect the older Winchester like he had promised Castiel but he was not going to give up. There had to be another way of getting the little angel out of Hell before Lucifer finished his plan.

There had to be somebody worth following- of course there was. Everyone knew who they were going to follow. There were those (a very small number) who still followed Michael and God. The exact same number followed Lucifer. The large army of angels and demons remained without a leader for the time being.

They all knew it was a matter of time before their leader came.

Those who had no faith remaining in Lucifer, Michael or even God had one true option left. They had to wait. Crowley knew that much but for how long they had to wait he did not know. How were they meant to last long without someone to lead them? They had nobody to faith in.

Crowley sipped at his tea, his mind calmly taking in all the facts. They had no leader but the statement about having no one to place hope in was not exactly correct. They had, indeed, two people they could place their hope and their faith in. They had the unborn baby who would grow up and be one of the most powerful creatures to date. Their other hope? Crowley had no idea what it was to become. Good? Bad? Who knew? Their leader was still being made just like the baby.

When the little girl was born all three sides (Michael's side, Lucifer's side and the nameless side Crowley was on) would race to get her. She had to be turned to one of the sides as quickly as possible because she was too powerful to be an enemy. Crowley knew that the 'Team Free Will', or at least what mess remained of it, would want to get involved but their relationships with each other would be too messed up even with his help. Dean had left Samuel and Gabriel to hunt alone. He had even stopped contacting Bobby. He had isolated himself in a land of guilt, despair and heartbreak.

Dean still screamed in the middle of the night as he saw Castiel's eyes glaze over again and again before Lucifer dropped his body to the ground. He washed his hands compulsively and Crowley knew the hunter could still feel the blood under his nails and all over his flesh. He could see the hunted look in the hunter's eyes when he got drunk and yelled at Crowley he did not need a babysitter. Crowley could not disagree more as the hunter yelled before his mind would go to Castiel. Every single time the hunter got drunk it was the same.

First came the anger. He would swear, yell and threaten. He would blame God. He would blame everyone (including Samuel) and then he would blame himself. Then came the part he tried not to cry. When he finally did cry he did not know how he was going to stop and finally he would sleep.

Crowley would then place Dean in his bed and watch the hunter flinch in his sleep. There was no Castiel to chase away his nightmares because Castiel was trapped _inside_ Dean's nightmares. Crowley had never felt more useless and he poured himself a drink. He had promised Castiel he would look after the hunter and to be honest he had no intention of breaking that promise. It was the least he could do for the little Angel.

Crowley snapped out of his daydream and took another sip of the tea he was keeping warm. He tipped well so nobody questioned him. He was waiting for his appointment and out of habit he arrived far too early to see if it was a trap. He had seen no signs of a trap so far so he was fairly pleased. He had approached the right person.

"Crowley?" The voice came out of nowhere yet Crowley did not jump. When he looked up he saw the man who sat before him.  
"You are perfectly on time." Crowley placed his cup down. He wasn't sure yet if he should trust the angel. Time would be the only thing which would tell.  
"Of course." The angel watched him carefully. "You were early."  
"Of course."

Till their leader came back (which he would) they had to look after each other. Angels and Demons had to work together and make sure Lucifer and Michael never found out. Because war was coming, slowly but it was coming and when it did come it was going to hit everyone at full force. They all knew it but what Lucifer and Michael did not know was how many they were outnumbered by and that when the real war came the New Alliance would be ready. How?

Because war would only start when their leader came home.  
No matter who he became He would always be the only leader they wanted.

It had been a year since Castiel had gone to Hell and those who were ready to follow him were waiting and would keep on waiting. Castiel was the father to the key for the union of two kinds of creatures and he was the key to leading the army.

Lucifer had tried to create the perfect weapon but Crowley knew _when_ Castiel returned he would not join Lucifer. He would not be the right person for team 'Free Will'. He would never join Michael.

_When_ Castiel came back, no matter how far away his return was, they would be waiting. Crowley, Azrael and everyone on the side of the New Alliance knew they would be ready to wait and they had slowly begun to prepare themselves.

_When_ Castiel came home war would be following him closely.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

In Hell a lone figure hung from in the air, sharp hooks holding him up through his lily white skin. His eyes were shut and his teeth sank into his bottom lip so hard that his lip physically _split_. The demon circled him, fingers running over his exposed skin. The cold metal of knife was rubbed against his back before it was pulled back and agony covered his back. The whip was made of wood and the little blades on the end cut deep. He stopped himself from screaming with great difficulty as he felt his skin break like melted butter. Castiel tried to focus on anything but what was happening to him and where it was leading up to.

The demon's fingers were like acid to his skin, causing it to crackle and split more than any of the equipment the demons used. Once, the demons would have died at the sight of his true form but Lucifer had made sure that the chains he was attached to absorbed his light, making him useless. His blue eyes stared lifelessly at the demon as he felt memories of Dean (his Dean) being pulled up as the demon kissed his bleeding lips. The demons had worked out that by ruining his good memories they weakened him. He tried not to care yet his heart seemed to be slowly turning to stone and his aura darkened in colour. Castiel was changing, slowly but he was changing, and they all knew it as he looked back at the angel with his cold blue eyes. He had broken once, so the demons knew that soon he **would** break again. They all knew that and Castiel was in no denial when it came to the face that he could only hold on to his hope for a certain amount of time. It was hard but he had to hold on as long as possible. He just had to.

The demon laughed as he rolled the knife around his fingers in a quick flash and stabbed just under where Castiel's rib were and twisted the knife before cutting up. It was like a dissection class where he could cut as much as he wanted and soon Castiel would just heal so he could start again. No matter what he did Castiel would be in one piece by the end of his fun. Castiel had no idea how long he had been there and he had stopped caring about time. He could barely remember what it felt like before the pain. His memory of being happy – of how it felt to be happy – was just a faded dream. When he did dream he would simply see a car (an Impala) next to a lake. He no longer knew why but that particular image was the only thing that made him feel safe. _Safe_. What an odd word to use in that context. But it was the closest he had come to feeling since he had felt the metal of Gabriel's sword break his vessel's skin. He remembered the feeling of betrayal as Lucifer fell to his knees with him. He remembered the feeling of desperation as he whispered his final goodbye to Dean. His name was Dean right? He was slowly starting to forget. He was forgetting and it scared him.

_I'm sorry.  
_Castiel remembered saying he was sorry as he held the other man close to him.  
_I love you.  
_He had meant it when he said the words. He really had loved this Dean- of course he had. He had returned to Hell to protect him. If that was not love what was?  
_Please, look after Gabriel for me- I'm not sure Sam will be able to handle him.  
_Yes... He had asked Dean to look after Gabriel- the next few things he had said had been rushed yet both he and Dean would always remember them.  
_Take my... Take Jimmy's body back to him family _(in Hell Castiel learnt what that request had caused) _and tell them how brave he was. Look after yourself too Dean.  
_The demons had loved telling him how Jimmy's wife had died in a car crash after drinking too much. Why she had drunk so much had not been told to him but he was sure what it was really bad if they were saving it. Another question he had was what had happened to Claire- he really hoped she was okay. She was just a kid- in the little time she had been his vessel he had seen how pure her mind was and he hated any idea that something may have happened to her.  
_Please stay strong Dean. I love you.  
_For some unknown reason Castiel knew that Dean had sunk deep within himself- he knew Dean's way of coping without needing the link that had died with his vessel (with Jimmy). He had lost most links to the real world. Hell took over every moment and the few times he dreamt it was either darkness or the car next to the lake. He would dream of little things like a swing in the middle of woods but he could not place where and when he had seen them. Sometimes he forgot who he was and he just wanted to scream. What (who) was he holding on for anyway? No matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember. His memories had faded and names seemed to no longer be attached to the faded faces. No matter how hard he tried his memories were just out of reach.

Castiel watched the demon with no interest as it put the knife down and placed a finger under his chin. "Come on kid." The demon was old, ancient even. "Just say yes and all this will be over." Castiel gave no response as the demon moved his finger so his sharp nail cut Castiel. "One word and the pain will stop. They've given up on you- you should too." Castiel shut his eyes, as if to shield himself from the truth he was trying to ignore. Nobody was going to save him, just like last time. They were going to let him hang in Hell forever and he very nearly cared. But Castiel had changed dramatically in one way; he was past the point of caring about anyone or anything. At the start he had cared – he had cared so much he had gone to Hell to protect others who had not even tried to save him. But, over time he grew cold as demons sliced him up, he showed no interest in anything.

Even Lucifer felt like flinching at the change as he went to visit him- the blue eyes that looked back at him were not the eyes that belonged to the loving Castiel. The new look in the eyes was anything but pleasant, the look that was in his eyes was the look that belonged in the eyes of a killer. Someone who did not care about who he hurt. The only time the look returned to a look that was _anything_ like one the old Castiel would have was when Dean was mentioned and even then the look was detached. He was not breaking instead he was evolving into something (someone) else. He was changing so he could survive and it was a small battle for the demons.

He was either going to break or he was going to become the biggest predator yet. Either way he was going to be _powerful_. His baby blue eyes watched and sometimes Lucifer would swear that, for a second, Castiel would forget who he was and why he was there and when he did? Then he became someone with nothing to lose with a lot of power. He was going to be Lucifer's greatest achievement because even the Devil did not wish to stand next to him. One day, Lucifer knew Castiel would be upon the Earth again and then apocalypse would be started. If Lucifer was killed Castiel was powerful enough to take over Hell's legions and take them straight to victory. Lucifer could not see the new Castiel on the side of the angels so his only worry was that he would return to the 'Team Free Will'. But he knew a thousand ways to stop Castiel from seeing them in a good light.

He had one thousand ways to turn Castiel into what he wanted and he had forever. The only thing he did not realise as Castiel watched carefully, was that Castiel was also playing a game and like someone who had nothing to lose, he had no rules.  
Who said that angels could not act? Because the one thing he still had was the hope that Dean was being strong like he asked him to be. Why? Because Castiel had made one final request that he tried not to think about.  
_Be strong Dean because if I ever do come back I won't be me and if I do return you __**will**__ need to kill me again. Remember I love you._

Inside, the old Castiel wept as he curled up in the furthest corner of breaking mind. He tried to shelter himself from the pain, he tried not to lose himself but he could feel everything he believed in float away from him. The old Castiel covered his ears and pressed his forehead against his knees, his blue eyes shut tightly. In the emptiness of his mind he huddled in the corner desperate to hold on to something (anything) that would remind him of who he was. He had nothing left as he felt the distant echoes of pain reach out for him. He would not allow himself to break but he was not strong enough to hold on. No matter how hard he tried he could not have faith in anyone or anything. Like God Himself had put it none of it was 'His problem' and his family (or at least those he called his family) were not strong enough to save him. Nobody wanted to save him. He had to be strong. To be strong he had to let go of some (most) of the things that made him, well, him. He had to stop caring and to stop caring it meant the old Castiel had to go to sleep. He had to sleep as a new, stronger Castiel was born- a Castiel who would be ready to fight those who had once been his relatives. The new Castiel had to be ready not to trust anyone and the new Castiel had to not _feel_. So as the old Castiel wept in the furthest corner of his empty and breaking mind he allowed himself to sleep and allowed the new Castiel to take over. If he was to survive Hell it was the only way, but it still hurt.

So Castiel wept and the Prophet Chuck typed the very last few paragraphs of his last 'To Break An Angel' series. Both men knew that the change that was going to happen was **not** going to be pretty and Castiel would never fully wake up if he woke up at all. Not the old Castiel anyway. The moment the old Castiel let go completely there would be no going back because the new Castiel would have no reason to want to change. The new Castiel would be just as cold as the other angels were and he would serve his own interests. Both men knew that and as they both wept Chuck pulled the final piece of paper out of the printer, ignoring where the tear-drop had landed. He re-read it but found no words he wanted to change or any lines he wanted to get rid of. He was going to keep it honest so the truth of what the angel Castiel had done would remain as he had done it. Pure. So when Chuck stapled the many pages together he could not help but wish he could change what had happened. The images of the silver knife slicing and Castiel changing spun around in his mind. He could barely breathe as he saw the blue eyes in his mind and his fingers lingered on the paper and the words that covered each snow white sheet. Unlike his usual _stories_ there were no notes on the paper. Unlike his usual stories there was no hope that with the next book things would get better. How could they get better?

Chuck ran his eyes over his work, half wanting to burn it. To forget any of it had ever happened and to go on with stories where Castiel loyally protected the Winchester brothers but with his death the 'Supernatural' books would change forever as Dean left without a word to Sam. The story changed completely as Dean got into his Impala and tried to wash away the long gone blood that still stained where Castiel's body had been. Everything had changed as Castiel fell to his knees with the Archangel sword pressed deep in him. Everything had changed when Lucifer had pressed the sword that bit deeper into the other angel (his own brother) and ended his life as the glow left his eyes and lips. Chuck re-read the very last lines and drowned as much of his drink he could, he hated the fact that there was no way around it. In Hell a pure angel wept in the corner of his mind trying to hold on to something (anything) he could. In Hell Castiel begged himself to find a reason to hold on because the faded memory of Dean was no longer strong enough to keep himself as he was – he didn't want to change. If he changed he would forget. He didn't want to become a monster but he didn't want to let them see him break. So as Chuck read the very final words both men wept. His last two sentences were the very same last lines that I will tell you.

Because, in Hell the angel of Thursday let go of the last string of hope he had remaining and let himself fall- the angel Castiel allowed himself to change and there was no going back. There was never going to be any way back.

* * *

_"... So why not just serve your own best interests, which in this case just happen to be mine?"  
"I'll _**die**_ first."  
"I suppose you_ will_."  
_Lucifer and Castiel- **Abandon all Hope**-(5x10)

"_Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little._"  
**The** **Buddha**

_"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection."_  
**Dalai ****Lama**

"_A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."_  
**Martin Luther King, Jr.**

"_It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."_  
**The** **Buddha**

"_A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act."_  
**Mohandas Gandhi**

"_Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning._"  
**Winston Churchill**

* * *

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

**_Song choices / inspirations for story: _**"Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" performed by Billy Joel, "Running up that Hill" performed by Placebo, "Requiem for the nameless dead" performed by Adrian von Ziegler and "Saw you Drown" performed by Katatonia.

_**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

And so we conclude our trip... Is it just me feeling sad? The story is over. *sigh* Please review to tell me what you thought!  
I'm really sorry but this was always going to be how it ended and it was you guys who chose it to be Lucifer to kill another main character with an archangel sword. I hope this was good and I hope you can spare a few good words. Thank you for reading!

Also... If you wish for more, a continuation of this story where Cas returns from Hell I would be happy to write a sequel. If you want it, it would be called 'Cry another Lie'. So? Do you want a sequel? It would have lots of Dark!Cas, Dean/Cas, Gabriel/Sam, Dawn, God, Ruby, Baby Jessica, betrayal, love, torture, _maybe_ a bit of Sam/Ruby (I don't know yet) and twists. It would probably be a redemption fic after a while.  
Please say if you do want a sequel in any reviews you wish to leave. Please, I beg you once again, if you read and enjoyed please review. Free tissues and hugs if you need them (you probably don't)!

**Love,**  
**J.**


	21. Quick note

Hey guys!

As you have seen I have seen I have finished this story and there will be a sequel in around a week. I wanted to post this quick note to say thank you for reading so far and I hope the sequel does not disappoint.

There is a trailer for the sequel on Youtube, the direct link can be found on my page and if anyone has any questions I'm on twitter with the same name.

Thank you all so much for your support. X

**Love,**  
**J.**

Ps. If the sequel is awful blame Katerina1909- she MADE me write! :D


End file.
